the bombs dropped; L WORD STYLE.
Friday included me buying The Shawn his big present finally. i'm so excited, and i would get into what it is and why exactly i bought it for him but i know he reads this so... [ hi big bear :) ]. i spent the afternoon in traffic going from seattle to renton, unfortunately taking I-405; yes, the highway that THAT death cab for cutie song is about. boyfriend was at school doing his transportations report and structures homework [ gleen at remmbring ]. around 6 i was at montlake blvd, and baby said it was time to go home. we rented THE GRUDGE. bad idea :\ scarry nonesense. RAWR - and had chinese takeouts. i swear to god the fucking chinks cannot find anything unless its on the just outside the great wall. i'm allowed to say things like that, i'm asian. [ more gleen ]
THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT CAME OUT OF WATCHING THAT MOVIE:
--jason behr.
saturday included this brawl. GOOD LAWD. so i guess i take on ridiculous girlfriend roles, ridiculous only because i would never do them, and i'm almost surprised i'm telling people i actually do this, like cooking. theres this [ squishy face ] game called War Craft and shawn plays it almost religiously. so what happened was i made breakfast, my first attempts at pamcakes [ i say pamcake, recognize. ] and shawn did not stop playing to eat. normally, id just suck it up and wait but it was just waking up and i was a little grumpy, and frankly food should wait for NO ONE. and i threw a fit, doors were slammed, fowl words were emitted from the shiella, and i made it about 1/4 way home. there were tears, and good lord, i almost feel bad that whole predicament happened. so from that we learned to not play warcraft when bfast.lunch.ordinner is served. making up happened- we napped all afternoon because baby is sick and we sigh just thinking about him right now.
that night he mentioned something about going to his brothers, and while they hungout and watched lord of the rings i could play with tiffany and the baby. sure, i said. SURE. its not like i didnt want to go down there though. i mean they're really cool. i got to watch shrek 2 again, which is great because the first time i saw it, well let me tell you i really wasnt all there. and i sort of watched alien versus predator, but not really because what the fuck. and i slept on a water bed, first time ever in my life, and that was ackward and uncomfortable, but something worth having sex on. laugh. and the baby was fun, THE BABY WAS FUN. i almost want to say i want one, but just to play with. no strings - attached. NO SHAWN, I DONT WANT A BABY \ I DONT EVEN WANT A CAT.
[ trust me guys, there is a grand crescendo to this journal entry ]
we get back home to sandpoint sunday afternoon and after this ridiculous weekend i finally have shiella time to think in the car and shiella just wonders. and of course theres that retarded question my journal has been perturbing over, and its why shawn hasnt dropped the L word. amidst my shower, and sulking and wondering, and little crying i just wanted to swallow the fact that you know, he's not there yet, he'll never get there, i'm not exactly his cup of tea so there should be no cookies to compliment me, all that jazz. and frankly, that made me a little sad. i mean here is my boyfriend who i'm head over heels crazy for and i dont like to be away from him for more than a day or two and he says its reciprocal and i cant even come up with the words to say how much i adore him and i just like being around him [ and i cant rightly say that about anyone ] and HOW GREAT HE MAKES ME FEEL ABOUT EVERYTHING-- and he doesnt love me?
so its still sunday afternoon and i'm being really quite and distant and doing the shiella sulking until she pulls herself out of it and he wants to know ever so badly what's bothering me. i cant muster up the courage to ask this spectre why he doesnt love me because i know that i couldnt swallow anything less than 'i do' although i would smile under swollen tears and say, 'i understand' because i cant do anything otherwise.
"soooooooooooooooooooooo...... whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....................."
"who's to say that i dont."
al;skfjas and i cant stop smiling about that and i have this huge grin on my face and i feel like i'm radiating joy. here i am about to go to physical chemistry and i cant get over the things that he said and how he said them and how he didnt say it, only because it gets better and and i just want to smile and RAWR.
"i wanted to wait for valentines day."
"GOOD, GO WITH THAT. DONT SAY ANYTHING, AT ALL."
"i dont want to wait."
"i want you to."
sunday night cuddling included a conversation like you know, "really, dont say it if you dont mean it." because nothing hurts more than finding out that later it didnt matter to them at all. and i would honestly rather not hear it, and just be together and id rather wonder FOREVER than to just fall apart like that.
and i dont exactly know what i'm supposed to say, or what exactly i feel because i just feel right. and shawn of all the people in the world. he's been my best surprise ever, and if i could be in love and feel this great and have something and someone so special in my life with me, i couldnt think of anyone better than him. because he's just that great and just makes me feel so complete and everything just makes sense with us. sometimes i just feel that much more invincible with him, and it makes sense to me now. and all that jazz. so we're on cloud 9, engulfed in rapture, all those bits.
"im in love with you."
"i love you too."
THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT CAME OUT OF WATCHING THAT MOVIE:
--jason behr.
saturday included this brawl. GOOD LAWD. so i guess i take on ridiculous girlfriend roles, ridiculous only because i would never do them, and i'm almost surprised i'm telling people i actually do this, like cooking. theres this [ squishy face ] game called War Craft and shawn plays it almost religiously. so what happened was i made breakfast, my first attempts at pamcakes [ i say pamcake, recognize. ] and shawn did not stop playing to eat. normally, id just suck it up and wait but it was just waking up and i was a little grumpy, and frankly food should wait for NO ONE. and i threw a fit, doors were slammed, fowl words were emitted from the shiella, and i made it about 1/4 way home. there were tears, and good lord, i almost feel bad that whole predicament happened. so from that we learned to not play warcraft when bfast.lunch.ordinner is served. making up happened- we napped all afternoon because baby is sick and we sigh just thinking about him right now.
that night he mentioned something about going to his brothers, and while they hungout and watched lord of the rings i could play with tiffany and the baby. sure, i said. SURE. its not like i didnt want to go down there though. i mean they're really cool. i got to watch shrek 2 again, which is great because the first time i saw it, well let me tell you i really wasnt all there. and i sort of watched alien versus predator, but not really because what the fuck. and i slept on a water bed, first time ever in my life, and that was ackward and uncomfortable, but something worth having sex on. laugh. and the baby was fun, THE BABY WAS FUN. i almost want to say i want one, but just to play with. no strings - attached. NO SHAWN, I DONT WANT A BABY \ I DONT EVEN WANT A CAT.
[ trust me guys, there is a grand crescendo to this journal entry ]
we get back home to sandpoint sunday afternoon and after this ridiculous weekend i finally have shiella time to think in the car and shiella just wonders. and of course theres that retarded question my journal has been perturbing over, and its why shawn hasnt dropped the L word. amidst my shower, and sulking and wondering, and little crying i just wanted to swallow the fact that you know, he's not there yet, he'll never get there, i'm not exactly his cup of tea so there should be no cookies to compliment me, all that jazz. and frankly, that made me a little sad. i mean here is my boyfriend who i'm head over heels crazy for and i dont like to be away from him for more than a day or two and he says its reciprocal and i cant even come up with the words to say how much i adore him and i just like being around him [ and i cant rightly say that about anyone ] and HOW GREAT HE MAKES ME FEEL ABOUT EVERYTHING-- and he doesnt love me?
so its still sunday afternoon and i'm being really quite and distant and doing the shiella sulking until she pulls herself out of it and he wants to know ever so badly what's bothering me. i cant muster up the courage to ask this spectre why he doesnt love me because i know that i couldnt swallow anything less than 'i do' although i would smile under swollen tears and say, 'i understand' because i cant do anything otherwise.
"soooooooooooooooooooooo...... whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....................."
"who's to say that i dont."
al;skfjas and i cant stop smiling about that and i have this huge grin on my face and i feel like i'm radiating joy. here i am about to go to physical chemistry and i cant get over the things that he said and how he said them and how he didnt say it, only because it gets better and and i just want to smile and RAWR.
"i wanted to wait for valentines day."
"GOOD, GO WITH THAT. DONT SAY ANYTHING, AT ALL."
"i dont want to wait."
"i want you to."
sunday night cuddling included a conversation like you know, "really, dont say it if you dont mean it." because nothing hurts more than finding out that later it didnt matter to them at all. and i would honestly rather not hear it, and just be together and id rather wonder FOREVER than to just fall apart like that.
and i dont exactly know what i'm supposed to say, or what exactly i feel because i just feel right. and shawn of all the people in the world. he's been my best surprise ever, and if i could be in love and feel this great and have something and someone so special in my life with me, i couldnt think of anyone better than him. because he's just that great and just makes me feel so complete and everything just makes sense with us. sometimes i just feel that much more invincible with him, and it makes sense to me now. and all that jazz. so we're on cloud 9, engulfed in rapture, all those bits.
"im in love with you."
"i love you too."