(no subject)
Dear love,
You seem to understand that I want to be left alone yet you refuse to let me go, and you flood me with texts and guilt trips of a social life put on hold. I wonder if I will regret not spending every moment possible with you before I leave. Before I leave to face my destiny alone.
Kyle said that views change when a person breaks the heart of one of the sweetest girls... and I accepted that.
You did break my heart,not once, but twice, and though Im not perfect I gave my all, and it was not enough.
I've tried, I promise. There were talks and flirtatious touching, maybe even a kiss or two. But when your face didnt dissapear from my mind I knew I wasnt ready, and I hid.
Next month I leave to begin a month long medical treatment of which you will not be part of. The moments when I will need you most, you will have forgotten I exist. I cry at night dreaming of a future that may never come. The truth is if things dont get better, I want to be alone. Away from you and anyone else Ive ever loved. I always hated goodbyes.
Undecided and dissapointed in my behavior.
Id apologize but its not my fault.
But I am sorry.
For what, I dont know. For not knowing how to treat you? For trying too hard and not trying at all? For loving and hating you all at the same time. I wish you'd do that thing where you tell me everythings going to be ok, and fool me into thinking it will be. You were always good at that. And I miss it. I miss you. And I miss who I was around you. I guess not being able to have that makes me fight less.
Damn coffee's never strong enough.
You seem to understand that I want to be left alone yet you refuse to let me go, and you flood me with texts and guilt trips of a social life put on hold. I wonder if I will regret not spending every moment possible with you before I leave. Before I leave to face my destiny alone.
Kyle said that views change when a person breaks the heart of one of the sweetest girls... and I accepted that.
You did break my heart,not once, but twice, and though Im not perfect I gave my all, and it was not enough.
I've tried, I promise. There were talks and flirtatious touching, maybe even a kiss or two. But when your face didnt dissapear from my mind I knew I wasnt ready, and I hid.
Next month I leave to begin a month long medical treatment of which you will not be part of. The moments when I will need you most, you will have forgotten I exist. I cry at night dreaming of a future that may never come. The truth is if things dont get better, I want to be alone. Away from you and anyone else Ive ever loved. I always hated goodbyes.
Undecided and dissapointed in my behavior.
Id apologize but its not my fault.
But I am sorry.
For what, I dont know. For not knowing how to treat you? For trying too hard and not trying at all? For loving and hating you all at the same time. I wish you'd do that thing where you tell me everythings going to be ok, and fool me into thinking it will be. You were always good at that. And I miss it. I miss you. And I miss who I was around you. I guess not being able to have that makes me fight less.
Damn coffee's never strong enough.