I started and couldnt stop...
All I ever really wanted was to make your life as perfect as I had failed to make mine. All I ever really wanted was a genuine smile across your face. A sigh escaping from within you from pure content and appreciation.
I have broken more than I have fixed.
I know.
Theres little, if anything at all left for me here.
I connected with my long lost friends this weekend. I still made them laugh. I still had that spark that got everyone talking and excited. I had missed that. I had missed the guys telling me about their adventures and how they are all going to marry me someday because I was the best. Yup all of them are going to marry me. I had missed dancing. Being held and twirled around taking up the entire dance floor.
I know where my place is.
Why must I keep fighting it? Why am I always reaching for things that are just too damn high for me to grab hold of?
Im so resistant, always trying to defy everyone.
My defiances have led me to the exact location I stand in today.
Is it defiant if what you do feels right? When all my friends skipped school to run off with their boyfriends I stayed at school and studied. Then covered for them when it came time to face the consequences I was the bad student.
When my friends were off getting drunk and partying I stayed sober and cleaned up broken bottles and held them up so they could eject all the crap the had just put into their bodies, when the parents found out who was there and told my parents, I was the bad daughter.
When friends got pregnant or friends were about to become fathers, ready to make a life altering decision to end the life of a being that had no say in it's destiny, I was there. Telling them that they were the luckiest people in the world to be blessed with a life, like that of a child. When their parents found out, I was the bad friend who gave them poor advice that would ruin their lives.
When I made a decision to love someone, and give them my all. When I decided, things didnt feel right and tried to slow them down. When I couldnt give him what he wanted anymore, he was gone. I was the bad girlfriend who was inconsiderate of his needs forcing him to look elsewhere.
Figures.
Friggin figures.
I have broken more than I have fixed.
I know.
Theres little, if anything at all left for me here.
I connected with my long lost friends this weekend. I still made them laugh. I still had that spark that got everyone talking and excited. I had missed that. I had missed the guys telling me about their adventures and how they are all going to marry me someday because I was the best. Yup all of them are going to marry me. I had missed dancing. Being held and twirled around taking up the entire dance floor.
I know where my place is.
Why must I keep fighting it? Why am I always reaching for things that are just too damn high for me to grab hold of?
Im so resistant, always trying to defy everyone.
My defiances have led me to the exact location I stand in today.
Is it defiant if what you do feels right? When all my friends skipped school to run off with their boyfriends I stayed at school and studied. Then covered for them when it came time to face the consequences I was the bad student.
When my friends were off getting drunk and partying I stayed sober and cleaned up broken bottles and held them up so they could eject all the crap the had just put into their bodies, when the parents found out who was there and told my parents, I was the bad daughter.
When friends got pregnant or friends were about to become fathers, ready to make a life altering decision to end the life of a being that had no say in it's destiny, I was there. Telling them that they were the luckiest people in the world to be blessed with a life, like that of a child. When their parents found out, I was the bad friend who gave them poor advice that would ruin their lives.
When I made a decision to love someone, and give them my all. When I decided, things didnt feel right and tried to slow them down. When I couldnt give him what he wanted anymore, he was gone. I was the bad girlfriend who was inconsiderate of his needs forcing him to look elsewhere.
Figures.
Friggin figures.