Past, Present, Future
Life has been a curious combination of busyness and languor over the past few weeks. Rebecca was in the States for a week, and took Luc with her to visit her parents, so I only had one kid to watch over and life was quite a bit easier even though Marc had a few late evenings. Then Marc left, Rebecca came back and left again, I had a night alone with the boys on pretty short notice (funny, it wasn’t a big deal at all) and ended up handling them solo for three evenings in a row. And survived! That was a little crazy, but in terms of events things have been slow around here; no big trips, no exciting museums, no visits…
But that’s about to change!
This afternoon (in less than an hour, as I’m writing!) Bella arrives from Copenhagen, and after dinner all the Ts are taking off for Italy. So as you can imagine, there’s some frantic packing going on today. But oddly enough, I am not packing. Why is that, you ask? Because I’m not going to Italy with the Ts, I answer. And why, Nora, would you pass up the opportunity to spend two weeks in Italy with your amazing host family? Because, I answer, my best friend Samantha is flying into Amsterdam on Tuesday and we are going to France together!
Yes, Samantha will land in Schiphol at 11:15 a.m., where I will pick her up and we will have a triumphant reunion. And the very next morning we will board a train direction Paris! It is all extremely exciting.
It’s hard to believe that it’s all actually happening. I’ve been planning this trip with Sam for months (well, two years actually; we originally wanted to go to Europe together after we graduated from high school), and expecting the Ts’ Italy trip even longer. It’s been so far in the future for so long that now, when everything is actually happening, it feels like I’ve time traveled. I’m not actually living this, I’m just watching my future self living it. That’s how strange the passage of time has become for me.
Actually, it’s odd how this summer parallels my last weeks in Germany. You probably don’t recall, because my journal updating had become extremely shoddy by June/July of 2005, but the Harders, my host family in Hamburg, actually left for a summer vacation in Canada about ten days before my flight back to the States, so I was left to my own devices for the tail-end of my exchange year (not counting the somewhat irritating oversight of my host grandmother, who kept checking up on me). As I wrote recently, leaving Germany was pretty hard on me, so the fact that my beloved host family left so long before I did really added to the weirdness of the situation. Here’s something I wrote back then:
“In other news, a little depressed. The Harders leave tomorrow morning at 4am to go to Canada.... I don't want them to go. I don't want to go. I hate leaving people. I don't know if I'm going to fit all my crap in my suitcases. […] Only two Ten Sing meetings left. Suddenly realizing how much I'm going to miss even the people at school. I hate leaving. This sucks. […] Second night home alone. On the one hand it's pretty cool. I don't have to worry about waking people up when I come home late... I can turn up my music really loud... […] Also, it's a cool feeling, being home alone; being considered responsible enough to do it and everything. I feel like an adult, in a decadent, staying-up-til-2-am-watching-TV kind of way. On the other hand-it's kinda lonely. I think part of it is that this house is too big for just one person-I bet that in a cosy little apartment it would be different. But, I don't know, it's kind of weird to do everything alone, eat alone and wake up in an empty house.”
It’s interesting to read that, think back to that time, and see how different I am today. I’m going to be leaving Holland very soon-one month-and yet my head is in a completely different place. I’m not sad to be leaving here, and I’m not sad that I have to go back to Michigan. In fact, I’m looking forward to both! I feel like my time here has reached completion; I’ve been here exactly the right length of time. And I have good things and plans waiting for me in Traverse City. I’m going from good thing to good thing. It’s hard to describe this feeling. It’s warm and full and positive; I know that things are working out the way they’re supposed to, and that feels inevitable, in a good way. Things are right, and they couldn’t be any other way. It’s an excellent feeling to know you’re on the right track.
(I like the same feeling when I’m reading, by the way. If the end of a book feels inevitable based on the events within it, I’m always satisfied with the read whether I like the end or not.)
I know this talk of the future and good things will make people ask me what my plans are, so rest assured, I’ll write on the subject very soon.
So, things are wrapping up. Plans and prophecies are reaching their fruition. It’s very exciting! I can’t wait to see what Sam and I get up to in France. NB: take this as your first warning that, of course, my internet access will be spotty from 18 - 29 June.
Sam and I are spending a few days in Paris first, and then we’re going to Taizé (which I’ve visited before), and then we’re coming back here, and she’s going to hang out and visit for a while before heading off on a bit of a solo adventure. And after we come back, I only have two more weeks with the Ts before I pack up my life and jump on a plane (yet again; fourth time in four years!) for my next adventures!
[edit] The house is mine!!!
But that’s about to change!
This afternoon (in less than an hour, as I’m writing!) Bella arrives from Copenhagen, and after dinner all the Ts are taking off for Italy. So as you can imagine, there’s some frantic packing going on today. But oddly enough, I am not packing. Why is that, you ask? Because I’m not going to Italy with the Ts, I answer. And why, Nora, would you pass up the opportunity to spend two weeks in Italy with your amazing host family? Because, I answer, my best friend Samantha is flying into Amsterdam on Tuesday and we are going to France together!
Yes, Samantha will land in Schiphol at 11:15 a.m., where I will pick her up and we will have a triumphant reunion. And the very next morning we will board a train direction Paris! It is all extremely exciting.
It’s hard to believe that it’s all actually happening. I’ve been planning this trip with Sam for months (well, two years actually; we originally wanted to go to Europe together after we graduated from high school), and expecting the Ts’ Italy trip even longer. It’s been so far in the future for so long that now, when everything is actually happening, it feels like I’ve time traveled. I’m not actually living this, I’m just watching my future self living it. That’s how strange the passage of time has become for me.
Actually, it’s odd how this summer parallels my last weeks in Germany. You probably don’t recall, because my journal updating had become extremely shoddy by June/July of 2005, but the Harders, my host family in Hamburg, actually left for a summer vacation in Canada about ten days before my flight back to the States, so I was left to my own devices for the tail-end of my exchange year (not counting the somewhat irritating oversight of my host grandmother, who kept checking up on me). As I wrote recently, leaving Germany was pretty hard on me, so the fact that my beloved host family left so long before I did really added to the weirdness of the situation. Here’s something I wrote back then:
“In other news, a little depressed. The Harders leave tomorrow morning at 4am to go to Canada.... I don't want them to go. I don't want to go. I hate leaving people. I don't know if I'm going to fit all my crap in my suitcases. […] Only two Ten Sing meetings left. Suddenly realizing how much I'm going to miss even the people at school. I hate leaving. This sucks. […] Second night home alone. On the one hand it's pretty cool. I don't have to worry about waking people up when I come home late... I can turn up my music really loud... […] Also, it's a cool feeling, being home alone; being considered responsible enough to do it and everything. I feel like an adult, in a decadent, staying-up-til-2-am-watching-TV kind of way. On the other hand-it's kinda lonely. I think part of it is that this house is too big for just one person-I bet that in a cosy little apartment it would be different. But, I don't know, it's kind of weird to do everything alone, eat alone and wake up in an empty house.”
It’s interesting to read that, think back to that time, and see how different I am today. I’m going to be leaving Holland very soon-one month-and yet my head is in a completely different place. I’m not sad to be leaving here, and I’m not sad that I have to go back to Michigan. In fact, I’m looking forward to both! I feel like my time here has reached completion; I’ve been here exactly the right length of time. And I have good things and plans waiting for me in Traverse City. I’m going from good thing to good thing. It’s hard to describe this feeling. It’s warm and full and positive; I know that things are working out the way they’re supposed to, and that feels inevitable, in a good way. Things are right, and they couldn’t be any other way. It’s an excellent feeling to know you’re on the right track.
(I like the same feeling when I’m reading, by the way. If the end of a book feels inevitable based on the events within it, I’m always satisfied with the read whether I like the end or not.)
I know this talk of the future and good things will make people ask me what my plans are, so rest assured, I’ll write on the subject very soon.
So, things are wrapping up. Plans and prophecies are reaching their fruition. It’s very exciting! I can’t wait to see what Sam and I get up to in France. NB: take this as your first warning that, of course, my internet access will be spotty from 18 - 29 June.
Sam and I are spending a few days in Paris first, and then we’re going to Taizé (which I’ve visited before), and then we’re coming back here, and she’s going to hang out and visit for a while before heading off on a bit of a solo adventure. And after we come back, I only have two more weeks with the Ts before I pack up my life and jump on a plane (yet again; fourth time in four years!) for my next adventures!
[edit] The house is mine!!!