You are killing me!
[Over-all well-being| 
in fucking gadget lust]
[LSS| Back to School - Deftones]
I hate you to bits. But I freaking love you just the same!
Qosmio or Mac? QOSMIO or MAC? Or should it be Dell? Fujitsu perhaps? But Fujitsu's even more expensive than THE Mac!
Fuck.
*
Last Friday was... different. For the first time, I have seen my boss angry. It kind of scared me, but not really SCARED-get-me-out-of-this-room-he's-mutating! kind of scared. It was just I'm not used to see him like that.
For a moment, I realized that he is human. Ha.
*
Despite my mini-celebrations (Dalumpines, 2006) in the workplace, e.g. reports going smoothly, projects being signed-off weeks before expected dates, I feel I am still not complete. I should be happy (and I am, in all honesty) but I feel I could be happiER.
I guess I really miss being a psychologist.
When I was still studying Psyc, I had the time of my life because I know that I am not bad in what I do. In fact, I daresay that I am a good psychologist. I can totally feel that I am learning and achieving something before. I always feel my worth when I am talking to patients, analyzing cases, making recommendations. It may not be apparent to the rest of the world, but I feel I matter. In my own realm, I matter. That made the whole experience richer and more fulfilling, even if I was the only one on the know.
I guess I should be happy that I am given this chance to go this far in a field that I have no background whatsoever. After all, the company took a big risk on hiring me from the get-go. I'm happy to live this part and to learn the ropes, but I came to the realization that no matter how long I stay with a corporate institution, I will never be the best because THIS IS NOT WHAT I DO. And part of my happiness, I owe in my knowing that I can be the best.
I'm contemplating if I should even push through with my MBA next year. Somehow, signing up for a course not related to Psychology or medicine makes a part of me feel cheated.
*
Suddenly, I have become the girl with no talent.
I used to draw, but I stopped because I don't know what else to draw. The last sketch I did was of Fil. My last painting was of a lily set on a black background for my baby sister's project. That, in its glorious miserable state, is now mounted on the living room wall.
I used to sing. Yes, I did sing before. I was a choir member when I was in elementary. Now I can't sing for obvious baritone reasons.
I used to dance and perform onstage. I did the whole performing arts thing when I was in highschool. I remember my own Highschool Musical. I am the local Sharpay Evans of SMA. Woopah! Anyway, that's all in the past. I can't deliver a line now with a straight face. Or without cussing.
I used to be in sports, would you believe? I played badminton, volleyball and basketball. I even tried swimming. I almost got into the volleyball varsity team but I ditched the try-outs for a COCC training.
I guess I used to be a lot of things. That's rich.
*
Great. More gadgets! Moving on...
in fucking gadget lust]
[LSS| Back to School - Deftones]
I hate you to bits. But I freaking love you just the same!
Qosmio or Mac? QOSMIO or MAC? Or should it be Dell? Fujitsu perhaps? But Fujitsu's even more expensive than THE Mac!
Fuck.
*
Last Friday was... different. For the first time, I have seen my boss angry. It kind of scared me, but not really SCARED-get-me-out-of-this-room-he's-mutating! kind of scared. It was just I'm not used to see him like that.
For a moment, I realized that he is human. Ha.
*
Despite my mini-celebrations (Dalumpines, 2006) in the workplace, e.g. reports going smoothly, projects being signed-off weeks before expected dates, I feel I am still not complete. I should be happy (and I am, in all honesty) but I feel I could be happiER.
I guess I really miss being a psychologist.
When I was still studying Psyc, I had the time of my life because I know that I am not bad in what I do. In fact, I daresay that I am a good psychologist. I can totally feel that I am learning and achieving something before. I always feel my worth when I am talking to patients, analyzing cases, making recommendations. It may not be apparent to the rest of the world, but I feel I matter. In my own realm, I matter. That made the whole experience richer and more fulfilling, even if I was the only one on the know.
I guess I should be happy that I am given this chance to go this far in a field that I have no background whatsoever. After all, the company took a big risk on hiring me from the get-go. I'm happy to live this part and to learn the ropes, but I came to the realization that no matter how long I stay with a corporate institution, I will never be the best because THIS IS NOT WHAT I DO. And part of my happiness, I owe in my knowing that I can be the best.
I'm contemplating if I should even push through with my MBA next year. Somehow, signing up for a course not related to Psychology or medicine makes a part of me feel cheated.
*
Suddenly, I have become the girl with no talent.
I used to draw, but I stopped because I don't know what else to draw. The last sketch I did was of Fil. My last painting was of a lily set on a black background for my baby sister's project. That, in its glorious miserable state, is now mounted on the living room wall.
I used to sing. Yes, I did sing before. I was a choir member when I was in elementary. Now I can't sing for obvious baritone reasons.
I used to dance and perform onstage. I did the whole performing arts thing when I was in highschool. I remember my own Highschool Musical. I am the local Sharpay Evans of SMA. Woopah! Anyway, that's all in the past. I can't deliver a line now with a straight face. Or without cussing.
I used to be in sports, would you believe? I played badminton, volleyball and basketball. I even tried swimming. I almost got into the volleyball varsity team but I ditched the try-outs for a COCC training.
I guess I used to be a lot of things. That's rich.
*
Great. More gadgets! Moving on...