FOR YOUR REQUESTS:
i will post the lyrics i sang at the store meeting, and then the old lyrics i had. the song i sang was catchier and i figured people would understand it more as a whole than the other one, which never really ended. i stole jokes from the original version for the new version... here they are:
H.I.J.K.L.M.N.S.
(version at meeting)
I wrote a song
About my job
And it’s really lame
But the song is cool
Here’s how it goes
Are you ready?
RSGs, PWPs,
We spend half a million dollars on batteries
So plug it in
If you can
When I get to work
I wanna take a ten
Clean the store when you’re bored
Clean the glass and shelves, clean the windex bottle
Then take a ten
Take as many tens as you can
The sharper image is the place to be
You get paid to work with me
AKA the TSI
Every customer every time
Never let David near shrek again
Keep him away from Spiderman
Cynthia’s on the phone when it’s time to clean
Can I take another ten?
Meghan is cool, she’s cool like me
Even though she is elderly
I like Scott but I want to punch his face
Eyeglass cleaner in the wrong place
(soft)
If Justin punches me in the arm again
I’ll pretend I’m David and he is Spiderman
The sharper image
Wants you to have a high percentage
AKA the TSI
If I get fired you’re all gonna die
The sharper image
Work here a year and you’ll have brain damage
My RSGs were high before the hurricane
High before the hurricane
High before the hurricane
Take a million tens
Cleaning the store
Again and again
And forever
If the ocho doesn’t sell this week
He’ll be gone
Forever
You’re all gonna die
Floor samples are finals sales
Product study
OLD VERSION CALLED:
We Are Out of Fucking Neck Coolers and they Won't Be In Until Winter
When a customer enters the store
You’ve got 60 seconds to say,
“hey, welcome to the sharper image
Please don’t touch anything thing cause you’ll probably break it.”
leave out that last part and tell them about
Our CD shower radios,
and some steam cleaning hedgehog shaped thing
the ocho never knew we sold.
They’re both half off*
*with any other full price purchase in the store
Fifty percent off of the regular price
You are required to tell them
We offer RSGs on almost everything
A guarantee to replace
Your neck cooler that never worked in the first place
High percentages of RSGs
Makes Richard think we are actually working
My percentage is low
I was at 8%
Before the hurricane
Swept all my numbers away
And I hope shrek forgives david for his demise
never let david near shrek again
and I hope david has learned a lesson from this
I hope he doesn’t black out
And decapitate spiderman
Cynthia and Meghan
I don’t think you should be
Standing behind this counter
Doing nothing, like always
You might as well take a 10 minute break
Cause you know you’ll be gone for 20
Cynthia’s on the phone
Grandma’s asleep
While the ocho follows the ways of Kwon
The ocho is cleaning
Underneath, in between,
Dusting sign holders and cleaning the products
Cleaning the glass and the walls
The ocho even cleans the windex bottle
I don’t know how to end the song
So I’ll mention something I want to get across
If Justin keeps punching me
He’ll have the perfect club
Hitting his knees
And he’s lucky
His wife goes to school
For plastic surgery
RSG
PWP
And add ons
and add ons
and batteries
And scott
And scott
Oh scott
Scotttttt
Scotttt
Scotttttttt
H.I.J.K.L.M.N.S.
(version at meeting)
I wrote a song
About my job
And it’s really lame
But the song is cool
Here’s how it goes
Are you ready?
RSGs, PWPs,
We spend half a million dollars on batteries
So plug it in
If you can
When I get to work
I wanna take a ten
Clean the store when you’re bored
Clean the glass and shelves, clean the windex bottle
Then take a ten
Take as many tens as you can
The sharper image is the place to be
You get paid to work with me
AKA the TSI
Every customer every time
Never let David near shrek again
Keep him away from Spiderman
Cynthia’s on the phone when it’s time to clean
Can I take another ten?
Meghan is cool, she’s cool like me
Even though she is elderly
I like Scott but I want to punch his face
Eyeglass cleaner in the wrong place
(soft)
If Justin punches me in the arm again
I’ll pretend I’m David and he is Spiderman
The sharper image
Wants you to have a high percentage
AKA the TSI
If I get fired you’re all gonna die
The sharper image
Work here a year and you’ll have brain damage
My RSGs were high before the hurricane
High before the hurricane
High before the hurricane
Take a million tens
Cleaning the store
Again and again
And forever
If the ocho doesn’t sell this week
He’ll be gone
Forever
You’re all gonna die
Floor samples are finals sales
Product study
OLD VERSION CALLED:
We Are Out of Fucking Neck Coolers and they Won't Be In Until Winter
When a customer enters the store
You’ve got 60 seconds to say,
“hey, welcome to the sharper image
Please don’t touch anything thing cause you’ll probably break it.”
leave out that last part and tell them about
Our CD shower radios,
and some steam cleaning hedgehog shaped thing
the ocho never knew we sold.
They’re both half off*
*with any other full price purchase in the store
Fifty percent off of the regular price
You are required to tell them
We offer RSGs on almost everything
A guarantee to replace
Your neck cooler that never worked in the first place
High percentages of RSGs
Makes Richard think we are actually working
My percentage is low
I was at 8%
Before the hurricane
Swept all my numbers away
And I hope shrek forgives david for his demise
never let david near shrek again
and I hope david has learned a lesson from this
I hope he doesn’t black out
And decapitate spiderman
Cynthia and Meghan
I don’t think you should be
Standing behind this counter
Doing nothing, like always
You might as well take a 10 minute break
Cause you know you’ll be gone for 20
Cynthia’s on the phone
Grandma’s asleep
While the ocho follows the ways of Kwon
The ocho is cleaning
Underneath, in between,
Dusting sign holders and cleaning the products
Cleaning the glass and the walls
The ocho even cleans the windex bottle
I don’t know how to end the song
So I’ll mention something I want to get across
If Justin keeps punching me
He’ll have the perfect club
Hitting his knees
And he’s lucky
His wife goes to school
For plastic surgery
RSG
PWP
And add ons
and add ons
and batteries
And scott
And scott
Oh scott
Scotttttt
Scotttt
Scotttttttt