im not as depressed as this entry sounds. at all.
birthdays are the most depressing things. i am dreading mine and it is so close. It forces you to face how much or in my case how little you are valued and how few things you have achieved. and reminds you of mortality which is good now that i consider it. immortality would be hell. i love life but if it were never to end would i still? i probably wouldn't value it and ive probably talked about this before.
i wish i didn't greet every day with fear.
i also wish i wasn't afraid of being loved and loving another person. im so afraid to let people know me beyond my... persona? beyond what i want them to see. im afraid of dissapointing people with my core self, but i don't mind dissapointing folks if i can still go home and say to myself "girrrrl you don't even know me". I'm afraid of intamacy beyond reason. family enviornment? very possible as it has created my obsession with pride and disgust with all things pitiful. The few, The proud, The painfully unhappy, The Harrisons.
i wish i didn't greet every day with fear.
i also wish i wasn't afraid of being loved and loving another person. im so afraid to let people know me beyond my... persona? beyond what i want them to see. im afraid of dissapointing people with my core self, but i don't mind dissapointing folks if i can still go home and say to myself "girrrrl you don't even know me". I'm afraid of intamacy beyond reason. family enviornment? very possible as it has created my obsession with pride and disgust with all things pitiful. The few, The proud, The painfully unhappy, The Harrisons.