ive told you before
i have this terrible aching, anxious, indescribable feeling in my stomach. once again, i am wasting my life being a bitch or isolating myself for fear of being a bitch. but im not allowed independence anyway, so even if i wanted to have a life worth remembering i couldn't. i guess if life is for making good memories and having a good time, i don't exist.
im so frustrated with myself. i want to change i want to be someone else for a day. someone more fun and less reserved. i hate that i can't be myself ever. even those who think they know me only know the version of myself i let myself be. thats the only reason i used to drink, to let all inhabitions go. but now i am inescapable to myself. i think i've written at least 10 variations of this entry. i want to break free of i don't know what, whatever is holding me back, and just go crazy but then i realize i could never do that because id regret everything i did. i have no internal moderater for the things i do and say so i comment or action will linger in my head and then the regret crashes into me far to late for anything to be done.
i just feel like i keep postponing my life. its not worth it because in the time i spend introverted, im not getting any positive results. i just realized i have never once fully committed to anything in my life. its all ideas with me. asdfjkl;asdfio;j what am i supposed to do with myself?
im so frustrated with myself. i want to change i want to be someone else for a day. someone more fun and less reserved. i hate that i can't be myself ever. even those who think they know me only know the version of myself i let myself be. thats the only reason i used to drink, to let all inhabitions go. but now i am inescapable to myself. i think i've written at least 10 variations of this entry. i want to break free of i don't know what, whatever is holding me back, and just go crazy but then i realize i could never do that because id regret everything i did. i have no internal moderater for the things i do and say so i comment or action will linger in my head and then the regret crashes into me far to late for anything to be done.
i just feel like i keep postponing my life. its not worth it because in the time i spend introverted, im not getting any positive results. i just realized i have never once fully committed to anything in my life. its all ideas with me. asdfjkl;asdfio;j what am i supposed to do with myself?