in the resolute urgency of now
it's just barely hit me that tomorrow's basically my last day of high school. if i feel sad, it's not for the reasons i'd expect. it's not so much that i'll miss everybody or all the fun times or anything... hmmm, how can i say this without paraphrasing our class quote (which i'll refrain from complaining about since i didn't nominate nor vote for anything)?
the problem is that i DON'T feel like i have as much to miss. don't get me wrong: i've had some good times, met some awesome people, and had some wonderful friends. but, to take Mr. Castro's words out of context, i know that one day high school will just be a blip on my radar screen.
i'm finally realizing that i've spent four years waiting for fun to find ME, people to befriend ME, people to love ME, events to occur for ME to be personally invited to attend. really, i at least could've met them halfway.
all but about three (chevon, nicole "straight," zach) of the friendships i've made during high school have been somewhat superficial/ casual, and i blame nobody but myself. they've been fun nonetheless, but i can't see having serious one-on-one conversations, hanging out outside of school (without me constantly terrified i was boring them to death), or going out of our way to keep in touch. i mean, please correct me if i'm mistaken (though i usually overestimate my relationships with others). as much as everyone seems to hate middle school, i made TEN close friendships in those three years.
oh, well... four years gone, four more years ahead. maybe i can somehow do it right this time.
the problem is that i DON'T feel like i have as much to miss. don't get me wrong: i've had some good times, met some awesome people, and had some wonderful friends. but, to take Mr. Castro's words out of context, i know that one day high school will just be a blip on my radar screen.
i'm finally realizing that i've spent four years waiting for fun to find ME, people to befriend ME, people to love ME, events to occur for ME to be personally invited to attend. really, i at least could've met them halfway.
all but about three (chevon, nicole "straight," zach) of the friendships i've made during high school have been somewhat superficial/ casual, and i blame nobody but myself. they've been fun nonetheless, but i can't see having serious one-on-one conversations, hanging out outside of school (without me constantly terrified i was boring them to death), or going out of our way to keep in touch. i mean, please correct me if i'm mistaken (though i usually overestimate my relationships with others). as much as everyone seems to hate middle school, i made TEN close friendships in those three years.
oh, well... four years gone, four more years ahead. maybe i can somehow do it right this time.