(no subject)
I wonder where I would have been now if I hadn't stopped shutting myself away, if I hadn't returned to work, to friends, and to "life".
If I had simply remained confined to my house with little or no contact with anyone, maybe I'd still be sleeping like a baby.
Maybe my mind wouldn't have had a chance to back myself into this corner of paranoia, skepticism, and god knows what else.
I would never go so far as to say that I was happy at that time, but the calm was welcome after the years of being(allowing myself to be) used by everyone. I've brought this life upon myself through my own decisions.
I'm such an incredible liar, which will make all of this so very easy for me.
I just can't help but keep thinking that it's so unnecessary.
I'd just like to get the car thing and all my debt squared away so I can concentrate on starting a new life elsewhere.
I doubt that'll do me any good, as it didn't the last time, but god willing I've got at least forty years left in me and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit in a puddle of shit when there's so many clean slates elsewhere just waiting for me.
If I had simply remained confined to my house with little or no contact with anyone, maybe I'd still be sleeping like a baby.
Maybe my mind wouldn't have had a chance to back myself into this corner of paranoia, skepticism, and god knows what else.
I would never go so far as to say that I was happy at that time, but the calm was welcome after the years of being(allowing myself to be) used by everyone. I've brought this life upon myself through my own decisions.
I'm such an incredible liar, which will make all of this so very easy for me.
I just can't help but keep thinking that it's so unnecessary.
I'd just like to get the car thing and all my debt squared away so I can concentrate on starting a new life elsewhere.
I doubt that'll do me any good, as it didn't the last time, but god willing I've got at least forty years left in me and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit in a puddle of shit when there's so many clean slates elsewhere just waiting for me.