It's the same old story...
So, about six years ago, I was in a screenwriting class and I came up with an idea for a screenplay. Two young boys, one of them thinks he's falling in love with the other. I mapped out all the plot points and wrote an opening scene and I got some really good feed back from the teacher and my classmates. Fast forward to the present. It's not complete. I have made some headway over the years. I've written a few more scenes and taken notes on what I want to have happen at certain points and made a few character outlines. I have a final scene that I am in lust with. Every time I go back and read it, it's just perfect to me. And it fits so well with the opening scene. Like, if I saw it in a movie, I would just be entranced by it. And I think that says something because I usually look back on old things I've written and have to wonder what I was thinking at the time to believe that it was any good. But that piece, of all the things I've written, is my absolute favorite. I go back to it and it jumps off the page. But anyway, aside from a handful of things, it's largely incomplete. A couple years ago, I posted a note to myself on the wall next to my door that says, "You can finish this screenplay", but I haven't. I see it everyday and more than reminding me that I CAN do it, it reminds me that I HAVEN'T done it and as more time passes, it feels more and more impossible.
I was sitting around thinking about the damned thing the other day and the reasons why I stopped writing it and what I'm going to do about it. One of the main reasons I stopped is because I don't think it'll ever get made, by me or by anyone else. And part of me feels like, What's the point in putting in all this hard work into something that no one is gonna see? Why should I put myself through that? And from there I sort of built up this excuse that, The world is changing and gays are more accepted now so you don't need to tell this story. And that kinda silenced my angst over it. But now, seeing all this stuff in the media about bullying and kids committing suicide, maybe the world isn't as forward thinking as I thought. And maybe this is still a story that needs to be told. And even if not for that, I really should flex my intellectual muscles a bit. There was a time in my life when I wrote every single day, pages and pages of stuff, handwritten and typed, and now the only time I see Microsoft Word is if I open it by mistake while trying to open iTunes.
I want to get back to those days of being someone who writes. It made me so happy. I was trying to brainstorm today while I was at work and I came up with a scene that made me giggle. And not even an internal giggle. An audible girly giggle. I'm trying to hold onto that thought and that feeling so I can do something with it tomorrow. I have the day off so I'm gonna try and write. I really need to move forward with this. I mean, these kids have been living in my head for six years with unfinished lives. I need to do it for the kids. And myself. And my sanity.
I was sitting around thinking about the damned thing the other day and the reasons why I stopped writing it and what I'm going to do about it. One of the main reasons I stopped is because I don't think it'll ever get made, by me or by anyone else. And part of me feels like, What's the point in putting in all this hard work into something that no one is gonna see? Why should I put myself through that? And from there I sort of built up this excuse that, The world is changing and gays are more accepted now so you don't need to tell this story. And that kinda silenced my angst over it. But now, seeing all this stuff in the media about bullying and kids committing suicide, maybe the world isn't as forward thinking as I thought. And maybe this is still a story that needs to be told. And even if not for that, I really should flex my intellectual muscles a bit. There was a time in my life when I wrote every single day, pages and pages of stuff, handwritten and typed, and now the only time I see Microsoft Word is if I open it by mistake while trying to open iTunes.
I want to get back to those days of being someone who writes. It made me so happy. I was trying to brainstorm today while I was at work and I came up with a scene that made me giggle. And not even an internal giggle. An audible girly giggle. I'm trying to hold onto that thought and that feeling so I can do something with it tomorrow. I have the day off so I'm gonna try and write. I really need to move forward with this. I mean, these kids have been living in my head for six years with unfinished lives. I need to do it for the kids. And myself. And my sanity.