We're the Pain That You Feel
Hey, what’s up? Well, not much is going on here, I’m just… stuck at Barnes and Noble. Yeah, I’m writing this on Word…. Oh well, it’s not like I’ve got anything else to do. I was gonna make some graphics, but my mom caught me making a glittery sign that said F*** You! So, therefore, I got in trouble. Ay guey, this sucks, we’re in a spot where the air conditioner is hitting us, and they don’t wanna move. My fingers are gonna fall off, and I don’t feel too good. Darn cramps. I hope that we’ll leave soon cuz I actually wanna go home and practice my instrument. It sucks, Mr. T. in his all-knowing wisdom said that if I want to try out for All-region band, I’m gonna have to practice for HOURS. Isn’t that dick? He indirectly told me that I suck at playing my instrument. What encouragement, eh? So I suck, sue me. It’s not like the idiot gives us any motivation to practice. I’m not that great at motivating myself. If I was, my room would be spick and span by now. I wanted to read some books, but my parents would probably die of shock if they found me in the Gay and Lesbian section. I dunno, it seems as if my parents, well, at least, my mom, kind of looks down on people who are into the same gender as they are. Well, not necessarily look down on them, but…. She just disapproves of it. I do, to a certain extent. See, if God intended people to be gay, then he’d have made an Adam and Edgar or an Eve and Amanda. Ya know what I’m saying? But at the same time, I’m not saying that I don’t approve of gay people. I just don’t really agree with the whole letting them get married thing. According to what I know, the Church doesn’t disapprove of gay people, but of them having sex. Ya know? I dunno… so yeah, maybe I did go through my whole guy on guy action is hot phase, but I’m trying to move away from that. I’m trying to lead a better life, and I feel that that part of me is a part that I’d like to just…. Get rid of? I dunno. Anyway, back to the whole T. saying that I need to practice for hours. Okay, so I understand that. But he didn’t necessarily encourage me to try out either. He just said I’d have to practice for hours if I wanna try out for region. He said that even if I have to play the music slower, that that’s fine, just as long as I play it right. You see, my freshman year, I totally screwed up and embarrassed myself really badly. It was horrible! Sooooo embarrassing. I couldn’t play at all. At all! It sucked. But I want a letterman jacket so badly, and Mr. T. said that he’s just not gonna hand the jackets out to people who don’t work hard enough. Sheesh, it’s like saying that if you don’t know how to read French, you can’t get a letterman! Ay no… I dunno. I want a letterman jacket really badly, and I have to try out for All-Region for two years and then be a soloist in order to get one. The thing is, I don’t have much confidence in myself when it comes to playing my instrument, and I’ve never been able to build up confidence. Ever since middle school, I’ve always sucked at playing the clarinet, but I stuck to it because I was afraid to try something new. I dunno… it just bugs me that Mr. T. told me that. Sure, that may have been the truth, but it was more the way he said it. I mean, when Mr. Moomaw was there, he actually worked with me and encouraged me. He praised and complimented my playing. Isn’t that what a teacher’s supposed to do to get someone’s confidence up and to build up the positive part of believing in oneself? I mean, I was confident about the whole thing my freshman year, but then, the whole being late because of the stupid science fair and then playing in front of all those other freshmen just got me sooo freaking nervous! That’s why I couldn’t play! Ay no. I’ve never been good when put on the spot like that. I always become a total wreck. Now I’m rethinking trying out for all region, just to save myself the embarrassment. Goodbye letterman jacket. Goodbye honor in band. Goodbye self-confidence in band. Goodbye band.