ok, so here's the deal...
so i finally out of school for the most part which is cool, i guess. i just have too look for real film work in a city that doesn't have any. luckly, the place i interned at doesn't have any compositors so when they have compositing needs, they will most likely call me. horay!!!!
RANT ALERT!!!! RANT ALERT!!!! SKIP IF YOU DON'T LIKE EMOTIONAL RANTS!!!!!!
so here's the REAL deal. everone has to help me with this one. olga were together for four years almost exactly. she wanted to buy a place together. i wasn't ready for that step so i got a place of my own. ever since then, she's been feeling like it's over. i didn't think so at all. maybe things didn't go exactly the way she planned but they were, i thought, by no means over. i was making it a point to tell her how much she feels to me and how much i cared for her to let her know that it's not over unless she gives up. last friday we met for dinner and i stayed at her place and it was great. saturday, i was to meet her at a friend's party and she called me because i was running later than she expected me to be there. she said she had friends throwing a bbq for memorial day at 6pm and would call me to go. so i leave my night open for that. 8 rolls around. i call. she answers. i ask, "so when were you planning to call me?". she says, "actually, i wasn't". i paused for a second. then i asked, "why not?". she couldn't give me an answer. i continued and she had no answer for me except that she had a tarrot card reading and it helped her. i demanded some explanation as to why she stood me up. Then, she hung up on me.
that was the last i spoke with her. that action of total disrespect to me pissed me off to no end. i have not once done anything to deserve that. it seems so fucked up that she did that to me and there is nothing that can be said that will convince me otherwise. when she was home sick and crying, who was there? even if it was at 4 am and i had to get up at 6am COUNTLESS times, who was there? when i walked in and she was tying a noose from the ceiling pipes, who was there? me. my point is this is just a part of what it was like dealing with her sometimes. and she spits in my fucking face with this. and this isin't the first time she's done this. she's done it before. i should've learned my lesson then. but, y'know, i thought i was special. i thought would make a difference. BULLSHIT!!!!!! she did it once, she did it twice, she'll do it again. my only hope comes from dreaming that she'll want to start things up again just long wnough for me to crush her like an egg. I DON'T PLAY THOSE FUCKING BULLSHIT GAMES. there's an evil, pissed off side to me and is thinks that maybe, if i do get to crush her, she might actually kill herself... or she could just apologize.... and everything would be fine. sort of. over, but fine.
granted, this is only my side of the story and i still feel she is a great human being. but i'm pissed.
my reason tells me, i told you so. move on. she's horrible for you. but my heart just wants to chace after her.
i've been following my heart long enough. i feel it's time to think with my head.
so, if anyone has any insight on the matter, please let me know.
your friend,
marty
RANT ALERT!!!! RANT ALERT!!!! SKIP IF YOU DON'T LIKE EMOTIONAL RANTS!!!!!!
so here's the REAL deal. everone has to help me with this one. olga were together for four years almost exactly. she wanted to buy a place together. i wasn't ready for that step so i got a place of my own. ever since then, she's been feeling like it's over. i didn't think so at all. maybe things didn't go exactly the way she planned but they were, i thought, by no means over. i was making it a point to tell her how much she feels to me and how much i cared for her to let her know that it's not over unless she gives up. last friday we met for dinner and i stayed at her place and it was great. saturday, i was to meet her at a friend's party and she called me because i was running later than she expected me to be there. she said she had friends throwing a bbq for memorial day at 6pm and would call me to go. so i leave my night open for that. 8 rolls around. i call. she answers. i ask, "so when were you planning to call me?". she says, "actually, i wasn't". i paused for a second. then i asked, "why not?". she couldn't give me an answer. i continued and she had no answer for me except that she had a tarrot card reading and it helped her. i demanded some explanation as to why she stood me up. Then, she hung up on me.
that was the last i spoke with her. that action of total disrespect to me pissed me off to no end. i have not once done anything to deserve that. it seems so fucked up that she did that to me and there is nothing that can be said that will convince me otherwise. when she was home sick and crying, who was there? even if it was at 4 am and i had to get up at 6am COUNTLESS times, who was there? when i walked in and she was tying a noose from the ceiling pipes, who was there? me. my point is this is just a part of what it was like dealing with her sometimes. and she spits in my fucking face with this. and this isin't the first time she's done this. she's done it before. i should've learned my lesson then. but, y'know, i thought i was special. i thought would make a difference. BULLSHIT!!!!!! she did it once, she did it twice, she'll do it again. my only hope comes from dreaming that she'll want to start things up again just long wnough for me to crush her like an egg. I DON'T PLAY THOSE FUCKING BULLSHIT GAMES. there's an evil, pissed off side to me and is thinks that maybe, if i do get to crush her, she might actually kill herself... or she could just apologize.... and everything would be fine. sort of. over, but fine.
granted, this is only my side of the story and i still feel she is a great human being. but i'm pissed.
my reason tells me, i told you so. move on. she's horrible for you. but my heart just wants to chace after her.
i've been following my heart long enough. i feel it's time to think with my head.
so, if anyone has any insight on the matter, please let me know.
your friend,
marty