Torchwood - It's Not Like That, Me And Jack
Title: Its Not Like That, Me and Jack
Characters: Ianto, Owen, Mentions of Jack
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Spoilers: A Day In The Death
Rating: Nc-17 Sexual Language and Swearing
Summary: Owen's point of view during the coffee machine scene.
It’s Not Like That… Me And Jack ---------------------------------------- “We always need someone to make coffee” - Those had been Jack’s words. Full of Humour? - It wasn’t funny. Who does he think he is? The boss - so he thinks he owns us too? No, not me, not Owen Harper. I may be dead but I still have my thoughts, still have my feelings and I’m telling you Jack fucking Harkness that you don’t own me, you employ me, nothing more, nothing less. So you’ve ‘relieved me from my duty’ Temporarily huh? - Until you decide that I’m a threat and decide to put a bullet through my head - where is the compassion for your team then? Bastard! - He’s reduced me to Ianto’s level, a bloody tea-boy! So now I’m taking Ianto’s job and Ianto’s standing there, sniffing his coffee and taking in the aroma as if it’s uplifting and peaceful.
“Voila! Fresh and strong” he says with his eyes closed, he looks so at peace, I can never be at peace… not anymore. Selfish git! - Has he already forgotten that I can’t smell anymore? I don’t give a shit what it smells like or what it tastes like. “And uh… we couldn’t just have a jar of instant no?” I ask, it’s not me that’s drinking it anyway.
“I thought you liked your coffee?” he says. Past tense Ianto, ancient history! I look at him. “Have you seen what happens when I drink these days?” “Yeah… thankyou Owen” And he removes the cup from my hand. I wasn’t going to drink it. What did he expect? “Do you want a go?” he asks. “Ooh please” the sarcasm is dripping off my words like an ice-lolly in the sun. What am I five years old? It’s a fucking coffee machine not rocket science! And as I fumble away at the machine, nothing happens… as it ever does for me. Love Life It all seems hopeless for Doctor Owen Harper who cant even get a stupid coffee machine going so perhaps its broken, broken like me and I’m getting angrier and angrier, now things have smashed and broken… Also like me… And Ianto’s still stood behind me. Silent Waiting Until he asks the obvious question that people ask because they feel have to, it’s inbuilt into our structures “are you ok?”
And this makes me angry “what do you think?” And he bows his head, he knows it was a stupid question and… perhaps I should’ve walked away there… Maybe I need to just go and find myself a hole to drown my sorrows in but no… I continue to push it like I always do. Angry So Angry And lost… And scared… “I bet your loving this aren’t you… its like you’ve finally won” and I’m talking with a sneer, Ianto looks uncomfortable.
His voice is small “didn’t realise we were in competition”
“Come on” I huff. Get a grip Ianto, we’ve always been trying to get one better than the other, don’t deny it, you know its true. And so I continue to torment him, reviling in the fact that I have the upper hand. “Even Tosh had more of a life than you used to and now look at you” He looks away… hurt. He feels the pain of my words. Remember that Ianto Jones? When you were the one dangling at the bottom of the food chain? I continue to push him “your always out on missions” Every time I turn around there he is. In his tidy suit. That young boy expression It makes me sick - so pathetic! And I move in for the killer, “you're shagging Jack and I’m stuck here making the coffee!” He jerks his head towards me, stunned by my words, did he think that I didn’t know it was going on? I’ve walked in on them. Flustered Ianto, Grinning Jack, Dishevelled, Re-arranging I wasn’t born yesterday; they’re always fucking each other, over the desk or up against the office wall, time and place isn’t an issue! Pathetic tea-boy! So this is what that blowfish meant ‘the office boy, promoted beyond his measure’ and that’s the reason for Ianto’s sudden involvement with the rest of us? He thinks that by sucking Jack’s dick or by taking it up the arse, he’s going to become part of the team? Jack will heartlessly fuck anything that looks relatively good-looking and Ianto’s just something to fill in his spare time. And now... I’ve really hurt Ianto, he brushes past me, he cant look me in the eye. “Its not like that… me and Jack” Ok so Ianto may be head over heels in love with Jack but its not the other way round. Jack doesn’t love anyone; he’s incapable of doing so. And you think you can just settle down with each other? Wishful thinking Ianto… just wishful thinking. And I don’t believe that they have anything stronger together than being ‘fuck buddies.’ Ianto is nothing more than Jack’s office toy!
“Yeah yeah… you and Jack…” Don’t you get it Ianto? Jack doesn’t want you in the way that you want him… And then I pause… But what if I am wrong? What if Jack does generally has feelings for Ianto, feelings but they keep it private. A private relationship between the two of them? And it’s more than being about the sex? Coming to think of it… I have seen some generally tender moments between them. A kiss on Jack’s return A kiss on the forehead, hugs and hand holding...and… … And I’m beginning to think that I’m wrong… Jack and Ianto are… together. They’re all together… they all have someone… “Gwen’s getting married… Martha’s got her bloke… God even Tosh had Tommy” And the summary of my life dawns on me… “THIS IS REALLY SHIT!” and I throw down the tea cloth to prove it. And Ianto is doing as he always does in desperate situations, he fumbles with the coffee machine but for once he doesn’t stay in silence.
“We’ve all gone through shit…” Lisa… he’s thinking about Lisa. And now he’s sleeping with the man who killed his girlfriend… he loves the man who killed his girlfriend… Ianto has moved on from some serious hell. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do the same… I expected him to then walk away from me, to run into Jack’s office but he continues. “Ive seen you dissecting alien corpses… seen you save so many lives…” Is he… comforting me… after the things I've just said to him? “Are you really gunna let this beat you?” and still without looking at me… Ianto walks away. He thinks I’m strong enough to beat this? Being a walking corpse… alive and dead at the same time… nowhere to go… And I think about his words… I think that I’m not going to let the coffee machine get the better of me… I think I’m going to carry on.