How to Inefficiently Acquire a Human Male in 98.6 Earth Days -- Part 4 -- Analyze
Summary: When Jim Kirk joins the xenolinguistics club, Professor Spock is drawn to the cadet despite his better judgment. Soon, Spock finds himself in a friendship he never asked for, a relationship that is quickly evolving into something more than he can handle. In an effort to free himself from Kirk’s persistent affection, Spock makes use of his anthropological research on human relationships, which has unexpected consequences.
Inspired by the movie, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
Rating: PG
Universe: AOS (Academy AU)
Pairings: Kirk/Spock, brief Kirk/Gaila
Plot Stuff: oblivious!Spock, clingy!Jim, romcom, plot devices, academy AU, brief break-up
Word Count: 30,385 total
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
…within human relationships, emotional repression is not always logical. In fact, when involved with an affectionate partner, it is illogical to not express one’s true feelings in return.
Spock called Jim’s communicator five times that day, and another five times the next day, and the next. Jim never answered. Spock left messages, in voice and text format, which never received a reply. Visiting Jim’s home on Saturday night, Spock rang the doorbell once and when there was no reply after thirty seconds, he rang it again. He could see light seeping from the crack under the door-someone must be at home. After ringing the doorbell a third time, Bones answered.
“He doesn’t want to speak to you, you cold, green-blooded machine,” Bones roared and slammed the door in Spock’s face.
Spock attempted another visit on Sunday night. Bones answered after the fifth ring, his greeting filled with several more xenophobic slurs and curse words. With Bones guarding the premises, Spock would have no chance of speaking with Jim.
On Monday, Spock altered his plans and instead waited outside Jim’s classroom, intending to force himself into Jim’s presence if necessary. Jim noticed him the moment he stepped out the door among his classmates. He turned, walking quickly in the other direction.
“Jim,” Spock called after him, quickening his pace, his longer legs catching up to Kirk’s several meters down the hallway.
“Leave me alone, Spock.” Jim kept walking, his pace becoming a jog. “I’m not interested in being your guinea pig anymore.”
“I do not wish you to be a guinea pig. I only wish to speak with you.”
“The tables have really turned, haven’t they?” Kirk commented. “Can’t get enough of me now, huh? Now that your precious research is screwed.”
“My research is not my primary concern at this moment.”
Kirk finally stopped to face Spock. "So, Vulcans do lie, after all." Jim smirked, an expression of humour that did not reach his eyes.
"I never lied to you, Jim." Spock's hands twitched where they rested behind his back. He ached to touch Jim, brush his fingers along Jim's, share the depth of his feelings through skin to skin contact.
"It's Cadet Kirk, Commander. We're on academy grounds." Spock blinked. The tone of indifference in Jim's voice had been Spock's aim for the past thirty four days. Now, Kirk’s lack of affection filled Spock with dread. He realized how illogical he had been to discard Jim. Spock had been blind, not seeing the gift he had been given, such unwavering loyalty, despite Spock's erratic behavior during his misguided experiment.
“I misjudged your feelings for me, as well as my own for you. Jim,” Spock took a step forward. “You have come to mean more to me than I could ever describe with words. I offer my sincerest apologies for deceiving you, but know that my affection for you is not a lie. There must be a way for me to make amends.”
Kirk took a step back. “Too little, too late, Spock. How am I supposed to trust you now?”
This time, Spock did not follow when Kirk fled.
*
Expressing one’s emotions vocally and efficiently is a simpler task than attaining forgiveness from a human mate who is no longer capable of trust.
After their final, brief conversation, Kirk resigned from the xenolinguistics club. He no longer sat in on Spock’s classes, no longer ran into Spock in the courtyard or hallways, no longer sat with him during lunch and no longer called to ‘just hear the sound of his voice.’ If Spock had been unable to look up Jim’s record in the academy database, Kirk could easily have been a figment of Spock’s unmeditated mind with how easily he removed himself from Spock’s surroundings. Despite the return of silence into his daily routine, Spock was constantly distracted, his mind frequently wandering back to memories of Jim. If being away from Kirk created such emotion turmoil, Spock wondering why he ever thought it was a logical idea to extract Kirk from his life
Cadet Vro cornered Spock the second club meeting after Kirk’s departure. “Did Jimmy have to leave the club because you two are an official item now?” she asked.
Spock flinched. “No. We, I believe the proper term is, ‘broke up.’
“What?” Vro yelped, freezing in place. “Jim said you were moving in. Don’t tell me he actually kicked you out?”
Spock watched her suspiciously. Jim kicking Spock out had been the motive behind her original suggestion. “Indeed. However, Kirk discovered the contents of my paper and ended our relationship,” he answered.
“Shoot!” She pressed a hand to her forehead, her eyes widening. “You two were supposed to live happily ever after, not unhappily never after.” Her lips formed into a pout.
Spock raised an eyebrow, realization dawning. “You deceived me.”
Vro laughed nervously. “Well, maybe a little. I couldn’t help it, honest!” She placed a hand against her chest. “You two were so cute together, and Jim got all googly eyed when you were around, not to mention you watching him all the time like you wanted to eat him up. Someone had to shove you two together.”
“Then why did you encourage me to… scare him off.”
Vro snorted. “Oh hell, that method might work on some humans, but Jim was really stuck on you, I knew you’d never break him. All that stuff I suggested was just gonna make him fall more in love. Jimmy loves all that silly mushy stuff.” She winked. “I figured you’d fall just as badly once you saw how earnest he was about you and realized he wasn’t just after a quick lay.”
“I see. If only your deception had worked as planned.”
Vro moved her hand toward Spock’s arm patting him awkwardly on the shoulder. “There, there, Professor. He’s just upset. If you grovel enough, maybe buy him a nice present or two, he’ll forgive you. Jim’s not one to hold a grudge.”
“I have attempted to apologize multiple times and profess the depth of my feelings for him. Neither has aided my cause.” Spock eyed the cadet, unsure if it would be wise to seek her advice after already being deceived once, no matter how well-meaning her intentions. “Would gifts be more effective in assuaging Jim’s anger?”
Vro rested a hand against her cheek. “Maybe. It definitely can’t hurt-worth a try. Just keep getting in his face like you’ve been doing until he gets fed up and forgives you.”
Spock took Vro’s suggestion, bringing flowers to Jim’s home, stuffed tribbles, chocolates, and other sweet foods, leaving them outside his door when there was no answer, or when Bones slammed the door in his face. He continued to wait outside Kirk’s classes, trailing Jim when he ignored Spock’s presence, found Kirk at his favorite hide outs, watched for his many friends to see if Jim could be found with them. Spock had professed apologies in variant phrases 122 times and expressed his devotion to Jim 103 times. Kirk had replied with silence or an angry glare 61 times, “leave me alone” 46 times, “not interested in more lies, Spock” 5 times, “can’t trust anything you say,” 8 times and “I need to think,” twice. The final response felt like an improvement, although Jim had yet to express forgiveness.
*
…I have become familiar with the expression, “a taste of one’s own medicine” through direct experience from my human subject. Indeed, it is logical for partners to taste each other’s medicine, in a manner of speaking, to develop a common understanding…
Five cadets were scheduled to take the Kobayashi Maru test in between the hours of 13:00 and 15:00. Four had failed to escape the parameters of the test, as predicted. The objective of the simulation was to introduce students to the darker aspects of command and prepare them for possible scenarios where death in some form was inevitable. Although the examination was setup for failure, how the cadets composed themselves during the ordeal was what Spock would be evaluating them on.
Spock was not in an optimal state. He had begun the session by inputting the wrong security sequences to begin the simulation. It had taken two more attempts before he could access the program. His mind drifted during the fourth test, so deeply he could not remember clearly where his thoughts had gone; though blue eyes, honey coloured hair, and warm fingers were likely involved. It had been necessary to consult one of the other instructors observing the test on the student’s performance.
The moment the fifth cadet strode into the simulation room, however, Spock was alert. He blinked, clearing any possibility of lingering daydreams from his thoughts.
Jim sat in the captain’s chair with confidence, crossing a leg at the knee, as if he had been a commissioned Starfleet captain for years. The way he slouched customarily to the right, an elbow leaning against the armrest, knuckle against chin, only made the cadet look more comfortable in the chair.
Spock forcefully pulled his eyes away from Kirk’s silhouette, attractively framed in the dimmed lighting of the simulation room, when an email notification flashed on his console screen. Clicking open his email program, Spock blinked at the subject header.
Subject: We Need to Talk
From: Jim Kirk
Spock glanced back down at Jim again, watching the fingers of his left hand tap against the chair’s console erratically as he commanded his fellow cadet’s through the simulation. His voice, tinted with humor, a tone Spock had become accustomed to hearing from Jim, but which had been lacking since their break up, echoing through the room, filling Spock’s ear, drowning out the sound of simulated phaser fire and the comments of the instructors around him.
Pursing the curve his lips threatened to form, Spock opened the email.
His screen went blank. In the room below, the simulation flickered off for 3.2 seconds before resuming. Unfazed, Kirk began ordering tactical to fire on all enemy ships and succeeded, which was not supposed to be possible in the parameters of the simulation. Spock rebooted his console and typed a sequence into the program. It refused to respond.
“How the hell did that kid beat your test?” Lieutenant Harris asked, rousing Spock from the infected code he was perusing on the screen in front of him.
By distracting him beyond logic and constructing a computer virus more advanced than his own security programming, Spock assumed. “I do not know,” he replied.
*
…indeed, Vulcans possess the ability to express emotions even more accurately than speech. This skill can be an effective method for clearing misunderstandings within a troubled relationship…
Spock was waiting for Kirk outside the testing room when the cadet exited.
As Jim drew closer, Spock’s eyes widened minimally. Since their break up it had become the norm for Jim to flee Spock’s presence within two seconds of spotting him. Usually, Spock needed to chase Jim down the hall before gaining his attention.
“You used my current emotional weakness against me in order to infiltrate the Kobayashi Maru’s coding.”
Kirk paused 6.1 meters from where Spock stood. “I was just living up to your expectations, Spock. Giving you a taste of your own medicine.” Jim crossed his arms across his chest, leaning forward. “You thought I was using you to beat the Maru, so I did. You already punished me for something I didn’t do. Figured I might as well do it and reap some of the rewards.”
Spock rested his arms behind his back, but then redirected his movements, leaving his hands at his side and stepping two feet closer to Jim. “You indeed exceeded my expectations. Although I erringly opened a personal email when I should have been concentrating on the exam I had been assigned to oversee, my security programming and anti-virus protection should have prevented your worm from penetrating the system. I once again underestimated you, Jim. Logic dictates that I should have learned from my mistakes long ago and given you the respect you are worthy of.”
Kirk unfolded his arms. “Damn, Spock. You’re making my heart flutter a little.”
“If the heart murmur you are experiencing is in regards to my person rather than a medical issue, then I will proceed to offer my sincerest apologies, admit that using you as I did was wrong, and request your forgiveness in the hopes that we may once again resume our courtship.”
“Are you ever gonna call it quits?” Jim sighed.
“If you are inquiring whether I will desist in my attempts to once again gain your favour, then no, I will not be calling it quits.”
There was a familiar tug at Kirk’s lips, faint but a welcome sight sparking a hopeful glimmer in Spock. “And I thought I was stubborn,” Jim grumbled.
“It is generally thought that common traits can be a source of bonding between couples.”
“So is not messing with your boyfriend’s feelings for some anthropological experiment.”
Spock lowered his gaze. “Indeed.” He glanced back up. “Jim. I truly am sorry. If I could take back my actions and start our relationship again with the sounder sense of logic I have developed, I would do so. If I must wait outside your door another one hundred and twenty two times to earn your trust, I will do so.”
Kirk sighed. “I don’t know, Spock. I’ve been messed with one too many times and I’m sick of getting stepped all over. I want to believe you, but how can I be sure?”
Spock blinked, breathing in deeply. “There is a way.” If his words were not enough to convince Kirk, perhaps Spock’s unfiltered emotions, too deeply felt to be conveyed through speech, would be. “Are you familiar with the Vulcan mind meld?”
Both of Jim’s eyebrows fluttered upward. “Yeah, kinda. So, you wanna fish around in my head?” He frowned.
Spock folded his hands together in front of him. “Not precisely. The idea would be for you to, as you say, ‘fish around’ in my head, instead. Vulcans are able to express their emotions more clearly when they join their mind with another. Although Vulcans do not lie, I have omitted certain facts from you, as you well know. If I lower my mental shields during a meld between us, you will know everything I know, feel everything I feel.”
Jim stared at him in silence. His mouth began to form words several times, but each time he paused. Spock tightened his grip on his fingers. The thought of joining his mind with Jim’s was both enticing and frightening. Spock had never melded with another without barriers in place around his more embarrassing store of emotions. Yet, the thought of his fingers pressed against Kirk’s meld points caused his digits to twitch involuntarily.
“I understand the idea of telepathy is unnatural to a human. I assure you, I will not enter your mind, nor touch any thoughts you do not give to me freely during the meld, if you should choose to participate.” Spock bowed his head.
Jim took a heavy breath. “Okay.”
Spock glanced up with a raised eyebrow. “You agree to the meld?”
Kirk shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah. You change your mind already?”
“Negative. I would not have suggested a meld if I was not willing. Yet, I admit surprise at your easy agreement.”
Kirk shifted from foot to foot. “I’m not about to give up a chance to get into your head, Spock. You keep a load of stuff bottled up I never would. It’ll be like my own research-of the Vulcan mind. Might even out the playing field between us.”
Spock blinked. “Logical.”
Kirk smiled. “I have my moments. So, we doing it here?”
“A more private venue would be preferable. If you are amenable, the xenolinguistics club room is currently unoccupied.”
“Okay, let’s do this.” Kirk brushed his fingers against Spock’s arm briefly as he passed. Spock, starved for the contact he once discouraged, decided to take the graze as a sign of hope.
In the meeting room, Spock spread his overcoat on the floor and sat cross-legged on top of the fabric. Kirk stared down at him. “There are chairs in here, you know.”
“A more grounded placement would be beneficial at this time.” He had never participated in a meld with a human before, not even his mother. Faced with Kirk’s untrained mind, Spock was unsure what emotions he would be faced with once he drew Jim’s mind into his own.
“You’re the expert in head games.” Jim sat across from him. Spock winced at the jibe.
Untangling his fingers from where they rested in his lap, Spock raised his right hand toward Jim’s face. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Nope.” Jim grabbed Spock’s wrist and rested it against his cheek. The placement was wrong, but the sensation of being millimeters from Jim’s meld points was thrilling. “But do it anyway.”
“As you wish.” Spock rearranged his fingers against Jim’s face and breathed deeply, lowering his shields. “My mind to your mind-”
Jim’s mind was a warm presence that filled Spock’s completely, rushing unbounded into his emotional center, an area of his mind that had never been touched. The sensation was breathtaking. Despite years of discipline, Spock’s mind drifted in the sensation, unfocused for a time. And then the idea hit him, of what he was doing, what he was participating in, Kirk’s willful mind moving freely through Spock’s, no shields guarding Spock’s human feelings, nor his more deeply buried Vulcan emotions. He was more naked, more vulnerable than he had ever been. A moment of pure fear shot through Spock’s thoughts.
Something enveloped the fear, something bright and warm, like Jim’s skin against Spock’s hands, until the shock disappeared leaving behind the sensation of security and belonging. His own unshielded emotions were let loose in response, his affection, appreciation, love for Jim surrounding the blanket of Jim’s mental presence. Similar feelings caressed his own with an undercurrent of hurt and a brighter spark of understanding. Spock was touched-he had not expected Jim to open up his mind to him during their meld. He wanted nothing more than to drown in the comforting essence of Jim, but began pulling away. The longer he spent in this bliss, the harder it would be to leave.
It took a moment for Jim’s eyes to refocus on Spock as he gently extracted them from the meld.
“Wow,” Jim breathed once his mind was his own again.
“Indeed,” Spock replied.
“So, you’re in love with me, huh?”
“You just witnessed my inner thoughts. I would think my feelings toward you would now be obvious.” Spock shifted, placing his hands firmly on his knees to control the tremor flickering across his fingers.
“Still squeamish about expressing your feelings.” Kirk smirked. “Even after we pretty much had brain sex.”
Spock huffed, pressing his lips together in to a thin line.
“Does this mean you aren’t going to put me on academic probation for messing with the Maru programming?”
“I believe the proper phrase in this instance would be cheating.”
“I like to think of it as original thinking.” Kirk smiled, brushing his fingers against Spock’s. “Hey, is it true Vulcan’s have sensitive fingers?”
Spock quirked an eyebrow. “This is obviously a fact known to you, as you have repeatedly used my hands as a means of seduction.”
Kirk laughed, wrapping Spock’s hand fully in his own, his tremors ceasing with the envelopment of physical warmth and emotional contentment Jim’s strong grip provided. “And here’s me thinking I’m being subtle.”
“You have many skills, Jim. Yet, subtly is not one of them.” Spock squeezed Jim’s hand in response. “If you are attempting to use my attraction toward you to avoid negative consequences for your actions during the test today, I assure you this technique will not sway my judgment.”
He paused, allowing the happiness he felt to express itself-a smile beginning where Jim caressed his fingers and ending on his lips. “However, you are welcome to try.”
As he always did, Jim accepted the challenge without hesitation.
*
In order to efficiently acquire a human mate, one’s emotions must not be suppressed for the sake of misguided logic. Frequent expressions of said emotions, when reciprocated, can eventually lead to a rewarding relationship.
Spock could not help but wince when Jim dropped the last box on his bedroom floor. It was clearly marked ‘fragile’ on the top and on both sides. Evidently, it had been wise to wrap each item in bubble wrap before packing them into boxes for the move to Jim’s apartment.
“That’s it, you’re stuck with me now,” Jim grinned, bending to tear the tape off one of the boxes he had dumped precariously around the room. It would have been more logical to stack them against the wall where one was not likely to trip over them, which Jim had already done twice. Fortunately, Spock had been nearby each time to catch Jim before he fell.
“Nice moves, Spock. I’ll have to take you dancing again.”
Spock sighed, “If you must.”
Truthfully, the idea of accompanying Jim for another night of dancing was not wholly unappealing. The activity itself gave Spock an excuse to lay his hands on Jim where he would not normally place his hands unless behind closed doors. On a highly logical note, Spock found Jim’s posterior aesthetically pleasing in the tightly fitted jeans he often wore for dancing. Jim was currently wearing a similar pair of trousers, the fabric pulling across his skin as he bent over the box. Spock did not stop his gaze from admiring what he now had the right to.
“Hey, Spock? Did you hear me?”
Spock blinked, but did not avert his gaze. “I did not. My attention was otherwise occupied.”
Jim glanced at him over his shoulder, his eyes following Spock’s downcast gaze. “Guess, you don’t wanna unpack then?”
“Although unpacking would be logical, it is not necessary at this time.”
Jim jumped up and walked forward, his movements emphasized in the area Spock had formally been admiring. This particular walk of Jim’s often preluded his need for intercourse or copious amounts of tactile foreplay. “So, how about christening our bed now that you’ve moved in?” Jim asked, wrapping his arms around Spock’s waist. “Make it official.”
“The act of christening would denote that the bed in question has never been used in such a way before. However, we have already participated in thirty eight acts of sexual intercourse, thirty two instances of arousing foreplay, nineteen mind melds, and forty two nights of interrupted and uninterrupted sleep. Unless, there is another action I am not aware of that the bed should be used for to ritualize our cohabitation, I believe the bed has already been christened.”
“Forget the christening part. It was just an excuse to get you in bed, anyway.” Jim’s hands lowered, moving through the gap in Spock’s robes.
“Jim,” Spock murmured, pulling his mate toward their bed. “An excuse is not required.”
***
Inspired by the movie, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
Rating: PG
Universe: AOS (Academy AU)
Pairings: Kirk/Spock, brief Kirk/Gaila
Plot Stuff: oblivious!Spock, clingy!Jim, romcom, plot devices, academy AU, brief break-up
Word Count: 30,385 total
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
…within human relationships, emotional repression is not always logical. In fact, when involved with an affectionate partner, it is illogical to not express one’s true feelings in return.
Spock called Jim’s communicator five times that day, and another five times the next day, and the next. Jim never answered. Spock left messages, in voice and text format, which never received a reply. Visiting Jim’s home on Saturday night, Spock rang the doorbell once and when there was no reply after thirty seconds, he rang it again. He could see light seeping from the crack under the door-someone must be at home. After ringing the doorbell a third time, Bones answered.
“He doesn’t want to speak to you, you cold, green-blooded machine,” Bones roared and slammed the door in Spock’s face.
Spock attempted another visit on Sunday night. Bones answered after the fifth ring, his greeting filled with several more xenophobic slurs and curse words. With Bones guarding the premises, Spock would have no chance of speaking with Jim.
On Monday, Spock altered his plans and instead waited outside Jim’s classroom, intending to force himself into Jim’s presence if necessary. Jim noticed him the moment he stepped out the door among his classmates. He turned, walking quickly in the other direction.
“Jim,” Spock called after him, quickening his pace, his longer legs catching up to Kirk’s several meters down the hallway.
“Leave me alone, Spock.” Jim kept walking, his pace becoming a jog. “I’m not interested in being your guinea pig anymore.”
“I do not wish you to be a guinea pig. I only wish to speak with you.”
“The tables have really turned, haven’t they?” Kirk commented. “Can’t get enough of me now, huh? Now that your precious research is screwed.”
“My research is not my primary concern at this moment.”
Kirk finally stopped to face Spock. "So, Vulcans do lie, after all." Jim smirked, an expression of humour that did not reach his eyes.
"I never lied to you, Jim." Spock's hands twitched where they rested behind his back. He ached to touch Jim, brush his fingers along Jim's, share the depth of his feelings through skin to skin contact.
"It's Cadet Kirk, Commander. We're on academy grounds." Spock blinked. The tone of indifference in Jim's voice had been Spock's aim for the past thirty four days. Now, Kirk’s lack of affection filled Spock with dread. He realized how illogical he had been to discard Jim. Spock had been blind, not seeing the gift he had been given, such unwavering loyalty, despite Spock's erratic behavior during his misguided experiment.
“I misjudged your feelings for me, as well as my own for you. Jim,” Spock took a step forward. “You have come to mean more to me than I could ever describe with words. I offer my sincerest apologies for deceiving you, but know that my affection for you is not a lie. There must be a way for me to make amends.”
Kirk took a step back. “Too little, too late, Spock. How am I supposed to trust you now?”
This time, Spock did not follow when Kirk fled.
*
Expressing one’s emotions vocally and efficiently is a simpler task than attaining forgiveness from a human mate who is no longer capable of trust.
After their final, brief conversation, Kirk resigned from the xenolinguistics club. He no longer sat in on Spock’s classes, no longer ran into Spock in the courtyard or hallways, no longer sat with him during lunch and no longer called to ‘just hear the sound of his voice.’ If Spock had been unable to look up Jim’s record in the academy database, Kirk could easily have been a figment of Spock’s unmeditated mind with how easily he removed himself from Spock’s surroundings. Despite the return of silence into his daily routine, Spock was constantly distracted, his mind frequently wandering back to memories of Jim. If being away from Kirk created such emotion turmoil, Spock wondering why he ever thought it was a logical idea to extract Kirk from his life
Cadet Vro cornered Spock the second club meeting after Kirk’s departure. “Did Jimmy have to leave the club because you two are an official item now?” she asked.
Spock flinched. “No. We, I believe the proper term is, ‘broke up.’
“What?” Vro yelped, freezing in place. “Jim said you were moving in. Don’t tell me he actually kicked you out?”
Spock watched her suspiciously. Jim kicking Spock out had been the motive behind her original suggestion. “Indeed. However, Kirk discovered the contents of my paper and ended our relationship,” he answered.
“Shoot!” She pressed a hand to her forehead, her eyes widening. “You two were supposed to live happily ever after, not unhappily never after.” Her lips formed into a pout.
Spock raised an eyebrow, realization dawning. “You deceived me.”
Vro laughed nervously. “Well, maybe a little. I couldn’t help it, honest!” She placed a hand against her chest. “You two were so cute together, and Jim got all googly eyed when you were around, not to mention you watching him all the time like you wanted to eat him up. Someone had to shove you two together.”
“Then why did you encourage me to… scare him off.”
Vro snorted. “Oh hell, that method might work on some humans, but Jim was really stuck on you, I knew you’d never break him. All that stuff I suggested was just gonna make him fall more in love. Jimmy loves all that silly mushy stuff.” She winked. “I figured you’d fall just as badly once you saw how earnest he was about you and realized he wasn’t just after a quick lay.”
“I see. If only your deception had worked as planned.”
Vro moved her hand toward Spock’s arm patting him awkwardly on the shoulder. “There, there, Professor. He’s just upset. If you grovel enough, maybe buy him a nice present or two, he’ll forgive you. Jim’s not one to hold a grudge.”
“I have attempted to apologize multiple times and profess the depth of my feelings for him. Neither has aided my cause.” Spock eyed the cadet, unsure if it would be wise to seek her advice after already being deceived once, no matter how well-meaning her intentions. “Would gifts be more effective in assuaging Jim’s anger?”
Vro rested a hand against her cheek. “Maybe. It definitely can’t hurt-worth a try. Just keep getting in his face like you’ve been doing until he gets fed up and forgives you.”
Spock took Vro’s suggestion, bringing flowers to Jim’s home, stuffed tribbles, chocolates, and other sweet foods, leaving them outside his door when there was no answer, or when Bones slammed the door in his face. He continued to wait outside Kirk’s classes, trailing Jim when he ignored Spock’s presence, found Kirk at his favorite hide outs, watched for his many friends to see if Jim could be found with them. Spock had professed apologies in variant phrases 122 times and expressed his devotion to Jim 103 times. Kirk had replied with silence or an angry glare 61 times, “leave me alone” 46 times, “not interested in more lies, Spock” 5 times, “can’t trust anything you say,” 8 times and “I need to think,” twice. The final response felt like an improvement, although Jim had yet to express forgiveness.
*
…I have become familiar with the expression, “a taste of one’s own medicine” through direct experience from my human subject. Indeed, it is logical for partners to taste each other’s medicine, in a manner of speaking, to develop a common understanding…
Five cadets were scheduled to take the Kobayashi Maru test in between the hours of 13:00 and 15:00. Four had failed to escape the parameters of the test, as predicted. The objective of the simulation was to introduce students to the darker aspects of command and prepare them for possible scenarios where death in some form was inevitable. Although the examination was setup for failure, how the cadets composed themselves during the ordeal was what Spock would be evaluating them on.
Spock was not in an optimal state. He had begun the session by inputting the wrong security sequences to begin the simulation. It had taken two more attempts before he could access the program. His mind drifted during the fourth test, so deeply he could not remember clearly where his thoughts had gone; though blue eyes, honey coloured hair, and warm fingers were likely involved. It had been necessary to consult one of the other instructors observing the test on the student’s performance.
The moment the fifth cadet strode into the simulation room, however, Spock was alert. He blinked, clearing any possibility of lingering daydreams from his thoughts.
Jim sat in the captain’s chair with confidence, crossing a leg at the knee, as if he had been a commissioned Starfleet captain for years. The way he slouched customarily to the right, an elbow leaning against the armrest, knuckle against chin, only made the cadet look more comfortable in the chair.
Spock forcefully pulled his eyes away from Kirk’s silhouette, attractively framed in the dimmed lighting of the simulation room, when an email notification flashed on his console screen. Clicking open his email program, Spock blinked at the subject header.
Subject: We Need to Talk
From: Jim Kirk
Spock glanced back down at Jim again, watching the fingers of his left hand tap against the chair’s console erratically as he commanded his fellow cadet’s through the simulation. His voice, tinted with humor, a tone Spock had become accustomed to hearing from Jim, but which had been lacking since their break up, echoing through the room, filling Spock’s ear, drowning out the sound of simulated phaser fire and the comments of the instructors around him.
Pursing the curve his lips threatened to form, Spock opened the email.
His screen went blank. In the room below, the simulation flickered off for 3.2 seconds before resuming. Unfazed, Kirk began ordering tactical to fire on all enemy ships and succeeded, which was not supposed to be possible in the parameters of the simulation. Spock rebooted his console and typed a sequence into the program. It refused to respond.
“How the hell did that kid beat your test?” Lieutenant Harris asked, rousing Spock from the infected code he was perusing on the screen in front of him.
By distracting him beyond logic and constructing a computer virus more advanced than his own security programming, Spock assumed. “I do not know,” he replied.
*
…indeed, Vulcans possess the ability to express emotions even more accurately than speech. This skill can be an effective method for clearing misunderstandings within a troubled relationship…
Spock was waiting for Kirk outside the testing room when the cadet exited.
As Jim drew closer, Spock’s eyes widened minimally. Since their break up it had become the norm for Jim to flee Spock’s presence within two seconds of spotting him. Usually, Spock needed to chase Jim down the hall before gaining his attention.
“You used my current emotional weakness against me in order to infiltrate the Kobayashi Maru’s coding.”
Kirk paused 6.1 meters from where Spock stood. “I was just living up to your expectations, Spock. Giving you a taste of your own medicine.” Jim crossed his arms across his chest, leaning forward. “You thought I was using you to beat the Maru, so I did. You already punished me for something I didn’t do. Figured I might as well do it and reap some of the rewards.”
Spock rested his arms behind his back, but then redirected his movements, leaving his hands at his side and stepping two feet closer to Jim. “You indeed exceeded my expectations. Although I erringly opened a personal email when I should have been concentrating on the exam I had been assigned to oversee, my security programming and anti-virus protection should have prevented your worm from penetrating the system. I once again underestimated you, Jim. Logic dictates that I should have learned from my mistakes long ago and given you the respect you are worthy of.”
Kirk unfolded his arms. “Damn, Spock. You’re making my heart flutter a little.”
“If the heart murmur you are experiencing is in regards to my person rather than a medical issue, then I will proceed to offer my sincerest apologies, admit that using you as I did was wrong, and request your forgiveness in the hopes that we may once again resume our courtship.”
“Are you ever gonna call it quits?” Jim sighed.
“If you are inquiring whether I will desist in my attempts to once again gain your favour, then no, I will not be calling it quits.”
There was a familiar tug at Kirk’s lips, faint but a welcome sight sparking a hopeful glimmer in Spock. “And I thought I was stubborn,” Jim grumbled.
“It is generally thought that common traits can be a source of bonding between couples.”
“So is not messing with your boyfriend’s feelings for some anthropological experiment.”
Spock lowered his gaze. “Indeed.” He glanced back up. “Jim. I truly am sorry. If I could take back my actions and start our relationship again with the sounder sense of logic I have developed, I would do so. If I must wait outside your door another one hundred and twenty two times to earn your trust, I will do so.”
Kirk sighed. “I don’t know, Spock. I’ve been messed with one too many times and I’m sick of getting stepped all over. I want to believe you, but how can I be sure?”
Spock blinked, breathing in deeply. “There is a way.” If his words were not enough to convince Kirk, perhaps Spock’s unfiltered emotions, too deeply felt to be conveyed through speech, would be. “Are you familiar with the Vulcan mind meld?”
Both of Jim’s eyebrows fluttered upward. “Yeah, kinda. So, you wanna fish around in my head?” He frowned.
Spock folded his hands together in front of him. “Not precisely. The idea would be for you to, as you say, ‘fish around’ in my head, instead. Vulcans are able to express their emotions more clearly when they join their mind with another. Although Vulcans do not lie, I have omitted certain facts from you, as you well know. If I lower my mental shields during a meld between us, you will know everything I know, feel everything I feel.”
Jim stared at him in silence. His mouth began to form words several times, but each time he paused. Spock tightened his grip on his fingers. The thought of joining his mind with Jim’s was both enticing and frightening. Spock had never melded with another without barriers in place around his more embarrassing store of emotions. Yet, the thought of his fingers pressed against Kirk’s meld points caused his digits to twitch involuntarily.
“I understand the idea of telepathy is unnatural to a human. I assure you, I will not enter your mind, nor touch any thoughts you do not give to me freely during the meld, if you should choose to participate.” Spock bowed his head.
Jim took a heavy breath. “Okay.”
Spock glanced up with a raised eyebrow. “You agree to the meld?”
Kirk shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah. You change your mind already?”
“Negative. I would not have suggested a meld if I was not willing. Yet, I admit surprise at your easy agreement.”
Kirk shifted from foot to foot. “I’m not about to give up a chance to get into your head, Spock. You keep a load of stuff bottled up I never would. It’ll be like my own research-of the Vulcan mind. Might even out the playing field between us.”
Spock blinked. “Logical.”
Kirk smiled. “I have my moments. So, we doing it here?”
“A more private venue would be preferable. If you are amenable, the xenolinguistics club room is currently unoccupied.”
“Okay, let’s do this.” Kirk brushed his fingers against Spock’s arm briefly as he passed. Spock, starved for the contact he once discouraged, decided to take the graze as a sign of hope.
In the meeting room, Spock spread his overcoat on the floor and sat cross-legged on top of the fabric. Kirk stared down at him. “There are chairs in here, you know.”
“A more grounded placement would be beneficial at this time.” He had never participated in a meld with a human before, not even his mother. Faced with Kirk’s untrained mind, Spock was unsure what emotions he would be faced with once he drew Jim’s mind into his own.
“You’re the expert in head games.” Jim sat across from him. Spock winced at the jibe.
Untangling his fingers from where they rested in his lap, Spock raised his right hand toward Jim’s face. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Nope.” Jim grabbed Spock’s wrist and rested it against his cheek. The placement was wrong, but the sensation of being millimeters from Jim’s meld points was thrilling. “But do it anyway.”
“As you wish.” Spock rearranged his fingers against Jim’s face and breathed deeply, lowering his shields. “My mind to your mind-”
Jim’s mind was a warm presence that filled Spock’s completely, rushing unbounded into his emotional center, an area of his mind that had never been touched. The sensation was breathtaking. Despite years of discipline, Spock’s mind drifted in the sensation, unfocused for a time. And then the idea hit him, of what he was doing, what he was participating in, Kirk’s willful mind moving freely through Spock’s, no shields guarding Spock’s human feelings, nor his more deeply buried Vulcan emotions. He was more naked, more vulnerable than he had ever been. A moment of pure fear shot through Spock’s thoughts.
Something enveloped the fear, something bright and warm, like Jim’s skin against Spock’s hands, until the shock disappeared leaving behind the sensation of security and belonging. His own unshielded emotions were let loose in response, his affection, appreciation, love for Jim surrounding the blanket of Jim’s mental presence. Similar feelings caressed his own with an undercurrent of hurt and a brighter spark of understanding. Spock was touched-he had not expected Jim to open up his mind to him during their meld. He wanted nothing more than to drown in the comforting essence of Jim, but began pulling away. The longer he spent in this bliss, the harder it would be to leave.
It took a moment for Jim’s eyes to refocus on Spock as he gently extracted them from the meld.
“Wow,” Jim breathed once his mind was his own again.
“Indeed,” Spock replied.
“So, you’re in love with me, huh?”
“You just witnessed my inner thoughts. I would think my feelings toward you would now be obvious.” Spock shifted, placing his hands firmly on his knees to control the tremor flickering across his fingers.
“Still squeamish about expressing your feelings.” Kirk smirked. “Even after we pretty much had brain sex.”
Spock huffed, pressing his lips together in to a thin line.
“Does this mean you aren’t going to put me on academic probation for messing with the Maru programming?”
“I believe the proper phrase in this instance would be cheating.”
“I like to think of it as original thinking.” Kirk smiled, brushing his fingers against Spock’s. “Hey, is it true Vulcan’s have sensitive fingers?”
Spock quirked an eyebrow. “This is obviously a fact known to you, as you have repeatedly used my hands as a means of seduction.”
Kirk laughed, wrapping Spock’s hand fully in his own, his tremors ceasing with the envelopment of physical warmth and emotional contentment Jim’s strong grip provided. “And here’s me thinking I’m being subtle.”
“You have many skills, Jim. Yet, subtly is not one of them.” Spock squeezed Jim’s hand in response. “If you are attempting to use my attraction toward you to avoid negative consequences for your actions during the test today, I assure you this technique will not sway my judgment.”
He paused, allowing the happiness he felt to express itself-a smile beginning where Jim caressed his fingers and ending on his lips. “However, you are welcome to try.”
As he always did, Jim accepted the challenge without hesitation.
*
In order to efficiently acquire a human mate, one’s emotions must not be suppressed for the sake of misguided logic. Frequent expressions of said emotions, when reciprocated, can eventually lead to a rewarding relationship.
Spock could not help but wince when Jim dropped the last box on his bedroom floor. It was clearly marked ‘fragile’ on the top and on both sides. Evidently, it had been wise to wrap each item in bubble wrap before packing them into boxes for the move to Jim’s apartment.
“That’s it, you’re stuck with me now,” Jim grinned, bending to tear the tape off one of the boxes he had dumped precariously around the room. It would have been more logical to stack them against the wall where one was not likely to trip over them, which Jim had already done twice. Fortunately, Spock had been nearby each time to catch Jim before he fell.
“Nice moves, Spock. I’ll have to take you dancing again.”
Spock sighed, “If you must.”
Truthfully, the idea of accompanying Jim for another night of dancing was not wholly unappealing. The activity itself gave Spock an excuse to lay his hands on Jim where he would not normally place his hands unless behind closed doors. On a highly logical note, Spock found Jim’s posterior aesthetically pleasing in the tightly fitted jeans he often wore for dancing. Jim was currently wearing a similar pair of trousers, the fabric pulling across his skin as he bent over the box. Spock did not stop his gaze from admiring what he now had the right to.
“Hey, Spock? Did you hear me?”
Spock blinked, but did not avert his gaze. “I did not. My attention was otherwise occupied.”
Jim glanced at him over his shoulder, his eyes following Spock’s downcast gaze. “Guess, you don’t wanna unpack then?”
“Although unpacking would be logical, it is not necessary at this time.”
Jim jumped up and walked forward, his movements emphasized in the area Spock had formally been admiring. This particular walk of Jim’s often preluded his need for intercourse or copious amounts of tactile foreplay. “So, how about christening our bed now that you’ve moved in?” Jim asked, wrapping his arms around Spock’s waist. “Make it official.”
“The act of christening would denote that the bed in question has never been used in such a way before. However, we have already participated in thirty eight acts of sexual intercourse, thirty two instances of arousing foreplay, nineteen mind melds, and forty two nights of interrupted and uninterrupted sleep. Unless, there is another action I am not aware of that the bed should be used for to ritualize our cohabitation, I believe the bed has already been christened.”
“Forget the christening part. It was just an excuse to get you in bed, anyway.” Jim’s hands lowered, moving through the gap in Spock’s robes.
“Jim,” Spock murmured, pulling his mate toward their bed. “An excuse is not required.”
***