My Doctor Who stuff, what not breathing feels like, and string quartets
So. The "exciting adventures" I meant to have with Tobi didn't happen, because her mother thought that it was too expensive for her to come (she needed to get a train ticket to get where I live). Fortunately, I will see her next month, during the weekend (and at school, of course), so this doesn't really bother me. But it was kind of disappointing and possibly even sad.
In happier news, more of my Doctor Who stuff got here. Today, I got the bow tie. It's a lovely burgundy thing, just like the Doctor's bow tie. I wore it for most of the day. Such as when I went to get my suspenders. Oh, don't think that something like not having Tobi around is going to stop me from getting suspenders, especially when I want them by Friday. After much difficulty in finding them, I got red suspenders. (And gray ones.) Basically, I have suspenders now. Suspenders are cool.
I did a rather interesting thing today. I spent an hour at a mall on my own, to prove to myself that I could. I'm rather afraid of being in public on my own. I'm not agoraphobic as such; imagine the mildest form of agoraphobia that you could possibly imagine, and that's what I've got. Ish. Anyhow, I functioned rather well on my own. Except for a bit of frustration at being unable to find what I wanted. But that makes absolute sense, if you think about it. I did well, anyway. Good.
Other than being in public on my own, my day was largely spent in watching Doctor Who Season 6. I got up to "The Almost People". The ending...was extremely strange, but I kind of enjoyed seeing the Doctor working with himself (that is, the ganger version). Also, it made me quite happy that the Doctor and I have the same shoe size. (The part where he needs shoes, he says he's a 10 wide. So am I. This shouldn't make me so happy.) I hope it begins to make sense. I hope the Eyepath Lady makes some kind of sense. I really want to understand her significance. More than the other things. But I still believe the Silents are the coolest thing.
Oh, and a very frightening thing happened today. So I've been having sinus problems lately, and I've been unable to breathe at night, but I have this nasal spray that normally takes care of it. But my sister and I are spending the night at my Aunt Dee-Dee's house, and I forgot to bring the nasal spray. I was trying to deal with it, but I couldn't breathe through my nose at all. It was terrifying. I get terrifyed when I can't breathe. And furthermore, Becky and I were watching Doctor Who at the time, episodes with the Silents, and so I have terrifying fiction while I'm having terrifying reality. I finally got my aunt to go out and buy me some nasal spray, which immediately worked.
But...not breathing...it was awful. I'm not entirely sure I have words for it. Imagine feeling like you're dying, not a whole lot, but somewhat. Imagine you feel like you're half-dying. You know that you're not going to die. And that's what makes it horrible. You're not sure it'll end, you don't feel like it'll ever end. You'd never want to live like this. You want to die, maybe, but you can't. You feel the worst parts of dying and none of the redeeming, almost-good parts. And what's worse, you don't feel like time is doing anything to help you. "All things pass"; it's like that doesn't apply. You're trapped in time. A few horrible seconds, but you're living them over and over again. Trapped in a time loop, until someone comes to save you. You don't know who will save you, though, or if anyone's actually going to save you. Even if someone promises it, you don't know if that'll really happen. When you're half-dying, you can't trust anybody. Everything is out of your control, even your own regular, subconscious bodily functions. You're half-dying, and nothing is good.
This is what not breathing feels like.
Still doing that Day Zero thing. I don't think I have anything else of particular interest to remark on. Still working on the commissioned scarf. I've decided to spend tonight wasting time on the internet and looking up string quartet versions of rock songs such as "Smells Like Teen Spirit". This version by Vitamin String Quartet. Gorgeously epic. I think I'll look up some similar versions of Led Zeppelin. They'd be really awesome to hear in string quartet form. (Well, they did "Kashmir", which isn't that big a stretch. But, I mean, "Rock and Roll", "Immigrant Song", those would be fantastic.)
Speaking of music, I want to do a fan video for the song "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse, featuring videos from Doctor Who (Matt Smith). I've never made a fan video before, though, so...wish me luck.