tough times
saturday afternoon was my cousin's memorial service. it was incredibly tough. it was held on the google campus, at one of the cafes and it was standing room only; there were so many people there. if i were to venture a guess, there were close to 200 people. it was simply amazing to see just how many people my cousin had touched in his short 29 years. there were many family members from our family, his mom's family, and his fiance's family. there were friends from elementary, junior high, high school, and college. his coworkers, managers, and subordinates from google were also in attendance. we got to hear touching, heartfelt, and funny stories about my cousin. there was an open-mic kind of deal where people were encouraged to step up and talk about him. as i was standing there, i engaged in an internal struggle "should i or shouldn't i talk?" i'm really bad when it comes to talking on the spot and i didn't want to walk up there and just burst into tears. i also didn't want to get my mouth to run away with me. so, in the end i decided not to talk. my cousin was a tremendous guy. a big guy in many ways, with a huge heart and compassionate soul.
i will always regret not being able to get to know him more as a man. i got the boy version, which was fun, but a boy nonetheless. being the youngest i got picked on a lot, but, as boy, i'm sure that was just his way of showing his love. the few times we were able to get together as we got older were just so much fun. he was a family man and was always looking for ways to get our family together. a couple of years ago, he planned out this elaborate wine tasting excursion and unfortunately it got totally rained out. instead of traveling the back roads of the santa cruz mountains, we stayed in at my aunt and uncle's house. we ate appetizers and raided my uncle's wine cabinet, testing which wines had grown well with age and which ones had taken a wrong turn. it was so much fun.
i was looking forward to his wedding in september, because i just knew it was going to be the best party ever. i can't even begin to imagine what his would-be wife is going through right now. to have to completely change gears in the middle of planning a wedding to grieving over the death of your would-be spouse. i can't imagine what my other cousins, his brother and sister, are feeling right now. i know that he and his brother were incredibly close and, as his brother said at the memorial, his eulogy wasn't just for his brother but for his best friend. their sister read a poem instead of writing anything and i know that it would've been very difficult for her to talk about him. you knew that she loved him so much. another cousin from our family, who had just gotten back in contact with our family, was able to fly out from boston to be there. he spoke a little about how even though it had been almost 20 years since we had all seen each other, when he got in contact with us, james made it feel like it was only a day had passed.
while i knew that it was a memorial for him, it wasn't until we were gathered at my aunt and uncle's house afterward that it finally hit me. we were all outside, enjoying some food and drink, and the beautiful weather, and i was just waiting for him to turn the corner and show up. it felt weird being there while he wasn't. when i was saying good-bye to everyone, his absence was just overwhelming. i came to the painful realization that he will not longer be there at birthday parties and bbq's. to say it bluntly, it sucks.
anyway, i wanted to share the tribute video that a friend of his made for the memorial. i learned later that this same videographer was going to do the video for his wedding later this year. it's a beautiful video and really shows who my cousin, james, was and just how many people he touched.
In Loving Memory of James Cole from marc donahue on Vimeo.
i will always regret not being able to get to know him more as a man. i got the boy version, which was fun, but a boy nonetheless. being the youngest i got picked on a lot, but, as boy, i'm sure that was just his way of showing his love. the few times we were able to get together as we got older were just so much fun. he was a family man and was always looking for ways to get our family together. a couple of years ago, he planned out this elaborate wine tasting excursion and unfortunately it got totally rained out. instead of traveling the back roads of the santa cruz mountains, we stayed in at my aunt and uncle's house. we ate appetizers and raided my uncle's wine cabinet, testing which wines had grown well with age and which ones had taken a wrong turn. it was so much fun.
i was looking forward to his wedding in september, because i just knew it was going to be the best party ever. i can't even begin to imagine what his would-be wife is going through right now. to have to completely change gears in the middle of planning a wedding to grieving over the death of your would-be spouse. i can't imagine what my other cousins, his brother and sister, are feeling right now. i know that he and his brother were incredibly close and, as his brother said at the memorial, his eulogy wasn't just for his brother but for his best friend. their sister read a poem instead of writing anything and i know that it would've been very difficult for her to talk about him. you knew that she loved him so much. another cousin from our family, who had just gotten back in contact with our family, was able to fly out from boston to be there. he spoke a little about how even though it had been almost 20 years since we had all seen each other, when he got in contact with us, james made it feel like it was only a day had passed.
while i knew that it was a memorial for him, it wasn't until we were gathered at my aunt and uncle's house afterward that it finally hit me. we were all outside, enjoying some food and drink, and the beautiful weather, and i was just waiting for him to turn the corner and show up. it felt weird being there while he wasn't. when i was saying good-bye to everyone, his absence was just overwhelming. i came to the painful realization that he will not longer be there at birthday parties and bbq's. to say it bluntly, it sucks.
anyway, i wanted to share the tribute video that a friend of his made for the memorial. i learned later that this same videographer was going to do the video for his wedding later this year. it's a beautiful video and really shows who my cousin, james, was and just how many people he touched.
In Loving Memory of James Cole from marc donahue on Vimeo.