can't sleep
i got into bed and my brain just wouldn't shut up. it was telling me something.
you know those stories people tell, usually religiously based, when they've felt a specific calling? you hear it a lot from priests and nuns, those who are in the spiritual service. they all heard a call from god. i remember when i was little hearing that expression and thinking it was an actual phone call. like, *ring, ring* hello? you want to be a nun and devote yourself to god*click* --> *spiritual epiphany* *no sex* *dressed entirely in black* fun... no, but as i grew older i started to understand the call isn't a phone call, no, it's a personal realization. a realization of what you can be and what you can accomplish. i think i had such an epiphany a couple of hours ago.
after a dinner evaluation (seriously, anyone who's san jose-local, go to mojo's burgers - so good!), i came home to help out my friend chandani with her admissions essays for law school. she had 3 essays. one was a personal statement and the other 2 (for 2 different schools) were "diversity" essays; basically saying how you are diverse and can add to a diverse campus, community and learning environment. chandani is indian, so being diverse comes naturally. *eg* anyway, since she started pursuing law school, she has asked me on a few other occasions to provide guidance with her essays. being a literature student, i suppose i would be the obvious choice. i said, of course, and offered my editing services. i was supposed to have gone through these earlier this week, but work has been crazy and i haven't had the time to sit down at home and give my full attention to her essays. anyway, i finally got to them tonight. i felt happy about the comments and corrections i suggested. i like to think i've helped her write a better essay and a better argument for going to law school. side-note: i find that these essays are weird in that you're persuading someone to admit you to their school by giving them solid reasons, like experience, knowledge, etc, while also appealing to their good side by saying stuff like "your school is awesome, i love it! i so wanna go there!!". it's like your begging to get in but you've got a point. i dunno...ANYWAY! i went through 3 essays and, as it was late, i went straight to bed.
i tried to fall asleep and i couldn't. for some reason, i kept reading her essays in my head. then i was getting visions of making money from reading other people's essays. that turned into tutoring (i saw myself bartering with people who couldn't pay - that was entertaining to watch) and how i could be a pretty good writing tutor (despite some of my journal entries...i know some of ya'll are thinking that...). then i thought that my SAT scores in english really weren't THAT great and my grades in high school and college were good, but not so totally excellent, on par with being a genius or anything. this kind of discouraged me a little. then i thought about something that i dared not think about pursuing at all. teaching. i've always told myself i had no patience to teach young people. they're stupid and simply can't be taught (contrary to what the genie in aladdin thinks). then i thought, well, it can't be all that bad. i can see the rewarding aspects of helping young people realize their potential. hmm, i could do that. i could help people. but did i really want to actually TEACH? what about a different path. wait, wasn't i planning on getting a masters in library sciences? yes! yes, i was!! i firmly said in my head "i want to be a librarian." then my mind opened up and i saw stacks and stacks of books, beginning and organizing tutoring sessions for reading and writing. it all felt so comforting. it just sounded so fulfilling and engaging. i wanted to do it. i wanted to do what i saw in my head.
i heard the call.
then my mind went from that to my own admissions essay for getting into the masters program at san jose state. my mind started to form arguments and expressing my love for books and reading and how i wanted to share my love for reading with others. how we don't need to be spoon-fed stories and environments, we can simply read and use our imaginations. we can create our OWN movies that no one else but us can enjoy (when i read, i see a movie in my head). i want to provide an environment where people can learn about the world around them, fictional and real. i want to provide a sanctuary for the free expression of ideas. (perhaps, while also being quiet? no? ... ) i couldn't sleep, i had to get up and start writing. i wrote 2 full pages within 45 minutes. just typing. i'm sure if i read it tomorrow it'll sound like crap, totally unorganized and plenty of unfinished thoughts and ideas. i know it'll need work, but it's a start. i think i've finally found the motivation i was looking for to actually start pursuing my new career.
i want to be a librarian.
+_+_+_+_+
okay, i'm all tapped out. i need to go to bed. *head/desk*
you know those stories people tell, usually religiously based, when they've felt a specific calling? you hear it a lot from priests and nuns, those who are in the spiritual service. they all heard a call from god. i remember when i was little hearing that expression and thinking it was an actual phone call. like, *ring, ring* hello? you want to be a nun and devote yourself to god*click* --> *spiritual epiphany* *no sex* *dressed entirely in black* fun... no, but as i grew older i started to understand the call isn't a phone call, no, it's a personal realization. a realization of what you can be and what you can accomplish. i think i had such an epiphany a couple of hours ago.
after a dinner evaluation (seriously, anyone who's san jose-local, go to mojo's burgers - so good!), i came home to help out my friend chandani with her admissions essays for law school. she had 3 essays. one was a personal statement and the other 2 (for 2 different schools) were "diversity" essays; basically saying how you are diverse and can add to a diverse campus, community and learning environment. chandani is indian, so being diverse comes naturally. *eg* anyway, since she started pursuing law school, she has asked me on a few other occasions to provide guidance with her essays. being a literature student, i suppose i would be the obvious choice. i said, of course, and offered my editing services. i was supposed to have gone through these earlier this week, but work has been crazy and i haven't had the time to sit down at home and give my full attention to her essays. anyway, i finally got to them tonight. i felt happy about the comments and corrections i suggested. i like to think i've helped her write a better essay and a better argument for going to law school. side-note: i find that these essays are weird in that you're persuading someone to admit you to their school by giving them solid reasons, like experience, knowledge, etc, while also appealing to their good side by saying stuff like "your school is awesome, i love it! i so wanna go there!!". it's like your begging to get in but you've got a point. i dunno...ANYWAY! i went through 3 essays and, as it was late, i went straight to bed.
i tried to fall asleep and i couldn't. for some reason, i kept reading her essays in my head. then i was getting visions of making money from reading other people's essays. that turned into tutoring (i saw myself bartering with people who couldn't pay - that was entertaining to watch) and how i could be a pretty good writing tutor (despite some of my journal entries...i know some of ya'll are thinking that...). then i thought that my SAT scores in english really weren't THAT great and my grades in high school and college were good, but not so totally excellent, on par with being a genius or anything. this kind of discouraged me a little. then i thought about something that i dared not think about pursuing at all. teaching. i've always told myself i had no patience to teach young people. they're stupid and simply can't be taught (contrary to what the genie in aladdin thinks). then i thought, well, it can't be all that bad. i can see the rewarding aspects of helping young people realize their potential. hmm, i could do that. i could help people. but did i really want to actually TEACH? what about a different path. wait, wasn't i planning on getting a masters in library sciences? yes! yes, i was!! i firmly said in my head "i want to be a librarian." then my mind opened up and i saw stacks and stacks of books, beginning and organizing tutoring sessions for reading and writing. it all felt so comforting. it just sounded so fulfilling and engaging. i wanted to do it. i wanted to do what i saw in my head.
i heard the call.
then my mind went from that to my own admissions essay for getting into the masters program at san jose state. my mind started to form arguments and expressing my love for books and reading and how i wanted to share my love for reading with others. how we don't need to be spoon-fed stories and environments, we can simply read and use our imaginations. we can create our OWN movies that no one else but us can enjoy (when i read, i see a movie in my head). i want to provide an environment where people can learn about the world around them, fictional and real. i want to provide a sanctuary for the free expression of ideas. (perhaps, while also being quiet? no? ... ) i couldn't sleep, i had to get up and start writing. i wrote 2 full pages within 45 minutes. just typing. i'm sure if i read it tomorrow it'll sound like crap, totally unorganized and plenty of unfinished thoughts and ideas. i know it'll need work, but it's a start. i think i've finally found the motivation i was looking for to actually start pursuing my new career.
i want to be a librarian.
+_+_+_+_+
okay, i'm all tapped out. i need to go to bed. *head/desk*