Autobiography
I was forced to write an autobiography to introduce myself to my learning center instructor, and I thought that I'd share:
Stephanie Martinez
Session 2
I came into being on October 17th 1989. Coincidentally, on that same day an earthquake of immense vigor occurred in San Fransisco that will forever be labeled "the great san Francisco earthquake". Ever since I was young I have been inclined to overanalyze, and I believe that the timing of the two events, my birth and the earthquake, were a foreshadowing of my distinct personality that was to develop later. My parents, Alfredo and Herlinda Martinez, had just finished out their mid-twenties and cleared their small apartment that was at the time, only appropriate for them and my 18 month old sister Vanessa. My birth was also symbolic of a new beginning for the rest of my family. They relocated from H St to a humble neighborhood in Spring Valley that was conveniently located a block away from the elementary school we were to attend. My father worked for the San Diego Sheriff's department and my mother worked at Wells Fargo Bank. My grandma Lupe would come take care of my sister and me during the evenings. She would go about usual business and water the flowers, cook for us, and watch cartoons. I've always had a soft spot for my grandmother and I enjoy recalling the days that we were close regardless of our evident communication barrier.
From grades kinder-5th I attended Rancho Elementary School. I had a fairly comfortable childhood, yet I always retained a sense of instability and frequently suffered from panic attacks. I was neurotic and germophobic, and because of this I gave a lot of my teachers and my mother a hard time. I didn't maintain friendships easily. I always felt like an outcast and regardless of how easily I grew close to another child, they would always drift away. Throughout Elementary school I suppose everyone has an obligatory best friend regardless of the merit or quality of the friendship itself, and to me that best friend was Tristan Cien. I wouldn't say that I looked up to her, but she lived a seemingly perfect life and had everything at her disposal. Her and I fought frequently and by the end of 5 th grade we were not on speaking terms. She invoked an interest in art in me and to this day I owe her that debt. My sister Vanessa was always outstanding at art so I took a stab at it. I forced myself to develop skill and since then it's been one of my strong points.
Along with art, I developed my intelligence. I was always ahead in reading and would often indulge in books that were by standards, years beyond my comprehension. I forced my fifth grade teacher to issue me the GATE test to prove that I surpassed average intelligence. I always suspected that she had a bias against me because she would never say yes, but one day she agreed and I passed. Everyone had high expectations of me that I would later fulfill in middle school.
Life at home was good. My family was considerably close and my parents treated my sister and I quite well. My mother did her best to balance difficult work hours and a life and home, and ultimately succeeded. My sister and I were never left with an emotional void that most children develop over time as a result of hard-working parents. My father was an amazing provider, and because of his hard work my parents were able to take us on various road-trips and vacations.
Elementary school passed, and with great apprehension I entered La Presa Middle School in August of 2000. I was in a secluded portion of the school where all of the "Gifted and talented" classes were settled so my entire middle school career was somewhat comfortable and isolated from the harsh realities that society and the middle-school crowd had to offer. On my first day I met a young girl named Toni Dondero. She was standing aside uncomfortably, her red cheeks contrasted with her pink skin complexion and blonde hair; I could tell that she was as nervous as I was. I approached her and proposed we became friends. She agreed nervously and from that we developed a friendship throughout middle school. Middle school was one vast transition. I varied in style and personality. I never considered myself cool or attractive, and because of that I developed an inferiority complex that seemingly never fails to cease.
In seventh grade on the way to my English class I became the target of ridicule for two boys. One was tall, dark, and held a wide, toothy grin and the other was pale and noticeably smaller in stature. I ignored their comments, as I was teased a lot, and went about my day as usual. As the weeks and months progressed their teasing became worse to the extent of me actually coming home occasionally in tears. One of these boys, David , had later professed to having a crush on me. We connected despite our shaky beginnings and became united as boyfriend and girlfriend. Our relationship was quite innocent, as neither of us had experience in the romantic department, and we acted more as best friends. In time he became possessive, controlling, and his behavior had been rendered erratic. We were together for a year when I just could not take it and I left him. He did not take it well and as a result of his reaction, he was forced to leave the school. As a young child, such a break-up permanently left me raw. I recovered later, but it was minor in comparison of what was to come. New things were entering my life to look forward to, like the birth of my baby brother Justin Alfredo Martinez and the beginning of higher-lever education. The end of our relationship marked the end of high school, and the end of my oblivion.
The summer before I entered high school I reconnected with a boy. He was David's former accomplice, as mentioned earlier, and by chance I forgave him too and we fell for each other. His name was Robert. Though I was young, I knew that my attraction to him was inevitable and it could not be described as anything other then love. He helped me enter high school with ease and I often associate that transition into adulthood with him. Robert introduced me to a variety of things. He showed me emotions, music, and culture that I'd never experienced before. He taught me how to properly play guitar, and made me into a properly trained musician. That boy had my soul and his disposal and for the most part he treated it delicately. High school was definitely a culture shock. I'd gone from the lower-class crowd at La Presa, to the significantly laid-back rich community at Bonita Vista. I didn't have a lot of friends, again, but I didn't need anyone because I had Robert. I became so wrapped up in our relationship that I'd set everything aside and developed terrible studying habits. I failed the first two semesters of high school and was often grounded. This was the start of many events to come that would ultimately shoot down my parents' high expectations of me.
During spring break of my freshman year things fell apart completely with Robert, and out of nowhere he broke off our relationship. That was my first and only heartbreak that would forever leave me with a large emotional void that I am yet to fill. I spent countless hours struggling to figure out why he’d made the conscious decision to leave me; no conclusion was settling. He simply excused our relationship as inane, and nothing more then puppy love but I believed that we had the potential to grow together. After the break-up I redeemed my grades somewhat and indulged in what was left in the beginning of high school.
I went to summer school to make-up the classes that I’d failed first and second semester that summer. Occasionally I would see Robert roaming the hallways and was forced to overlook his existence, our past, and the extent of my pain. Later I learned that the experience was no easier for him, and that the reason for our break-up was his inevitable insecurity in regards to our relationship and our future, and simply that we cared too much for each other and both of us would end up becoming hurt if things progressed. I spent almost everyday after school with my good friends Alex and Christina. They always retained a distinct innocence throughout our friendship, which was what always attracted me to them. We’d do various things that I never really had when I was younger and it was just great to utilize our youth. That summer I matured emotionally, but I believe that all of the events sparked my cynicism that would ultimately bloom into a consistent state.
Sophomore year was a little better. I improved in my work ethic and found a few more people. I began to develop my art and I looked into literature. That year I met a teacher that would forever change my life. His name was Mr. Gamez, and though we were not close, he opened my mind and changed me as a person. He sparked a and thirst for prose and knowledge that was inexplicable. At the height of my intellectual quest I reconnected with David. Though it was foolish of me, I was still hurt by what had happened with Robert and was looking for any opportunity to fill that void that he left me with. Initially, everything with David was okay. We’d both grown, as the level of our relationship, but something was always missing. I noticed that in time his erratic behavior had increase and as strange as it sounds, it seemed as though he had refined the art of it. He was controlling still to a completely different degree. That was a very unhappy part in my life because I’d isolated myself from my family and began to suffer from frequent panic attacks. Sometimes the anxiety would come on so strong that I could not breath and would be rendered motionless on the bathroom floor, crying. It was all so strange because after Robert I hadn’t really cried and I doubted my potential to even be lachrymose. I stopped eating and my weight dropped dramatically. At the time I had no friends besides David; I felt suffocated. I tried my hardest to shut him out of my life, and when I’d finally decided to give up this fight I settled down. He grew on my finally, but it was too late. Within no time he was happily engaged in another relationship with someone else who’d fulfilled everything that I could never even touch upon. I’d never been more unhappy with the state of things.
After that whole ordeal I worked on recovering myself. I never looked too into my hobbies because in time I overanalyzed everything and still felt completely isolated and misunderstood. I met a few people at the end of Junior year, after all that had happened, and was introduced to a small group at another High School. These people became my best friends. I dated around, but never anything too serious. I tried my hardest to work on myself before I became involved. Summer approached again and for the first time, I realized that I had friends. It was a very sweet summer that progressed with ease. I met a boy named Daniel Mendoza. What attracted to me to him initially was his smile. He was just such a beautiful person inside and out, and regardless of what emotional issues I dealt with he would always be there for me. He became best friends immediately, almost. He was there for me through every faulty relationship and break-up, every cry, and every bad feeling. He was in Hawaii most of the summer, and regardless of distance we still cared for each other. When he came back we were together, as a couple. I disregarded everyone at my school completely and went to his everyday. Some of my best friends at the time went there, so I did these trips with ease. I didn’t really feel like a senior at Bonita, and I didn’t mind. My only friend at Bonita was Andrea Casillas. She later grew to be like a sister to me, and still is to this day. Sometimes she would accompany me on these trips.
Danny also introduced me to literature. I started to get into English again because of him. I read avidly and also began to write. Above piano and art, I realized that I had a great passion for poems, narratives, and short stories. I had a lot of potential to become something great at the time. I focused on my hobbies a little bit more, and actually got to going out every day like a normal teenager. As I became involved in other things, I separated myself from food. Ever since I was a child I’ve had an altered body perception and because of this I fell victim to anorexia nervosa. I dropped down to 80 pounds, and though I had a dangerously low BMI I was still happy with everything in my life. I spent almost every day at Danny’s house, very faint, but he’d always take care of me. I really cared about him, but in time every conversation turned into a fight. I’d finally decided to break it off when my eating disorder, cynicism, and self-hatred were at an all-time high.
After Danny I dated boy after boy. I’ve always had this problem with jumping into relationships, and because of that I’ve hurt a lot of people. My self-esteem was raised, but weight still plummeted. If it weren’t for the help of my mother, I probably wouldn’t be alive right now. I think when my weight is down, I am at my happiest but evidently it was dropping too much for comfort. I relied on my journals and writing documents for consolation. I would occasionally speak to Danny, but for the most part he wanted nothing to do with me. At the time I grew closer to Andrea. We honestly, have been through everything together. Everyone has their ups and downs, but with Andrea our ups will ultimately conquer and surpass the downs. I had never had a friend or had gotten as close to someone as I had her. I loved her like a sister, and she helped me through everything.
When my weight stabilized, so did my happiness. I focused more on writing and simply keeping to myself. I met a boy named Hector by chance one day. We dated briefly, but were friends long before. He helped me realize the extent of my potential as an artist, and since him I’ve been focusing more on art. I’ve been creating canvas pieces since then, and have also been looking into a career into the tattoo industry. My passion in life right now is art and writing. There is nothing more at this point that I want to be then a tattoo artist. Currently I am much better socially, and open up with more ease. I’ve met countless people on this journey that I love and appreciate very much. My close friends, Andrea,Lili,Thalia, and Amanda, all mean so much to me. I’m attempting to save up full-time and move to Odgen,Utah with my good friend Amanda for a year or so. When I come back to San Diego, I am most likely to go back to college depending on my progress in tattooing.
I’ve grown and matured so much since my earlier days, and I thank every negative and positive experience to thank. I am a great believer in the concept of progression, and I believe the word thrives among all other diction choices for a reason. Regression could easily counter it, but if one retains a positive attitude the concept of regressing could easily be overlooked. We often forget that we only have one life because to us, it seems as though it is passing slowly. We all need to remember that though we are alive for the first time, we are also alive for the last time. We’re all thrown into this harsh environment from our comfortable fluid-like atmosphere in the womb, and once we adjust to the light and our vision is perfect it is our choice to embrace life or become unsatisfied with it. I’ve been through a lot, and though I feel as though ultimately, I have been desensitized, I have learned of what this world has to offer. I have a lot of hopes and dreams, and I suppose this little cynic isn’t quite so bad-off after all.
Stephanie Martinez
Session 2
I came into being on October 17th 1989. Coincidentally, on that same day an earthquake of immense vigor occurred in San Fransisco that will forever be labeled "the great san Francisco earthquake". Ever since I was young I have been inclined to overanalyze, and I believe that the timing of the two events, my birth and the earthquake, were a foreshadowing of my distinct personality that was to develop later. My parents, Alfredo and Herlinda Martinez, had just finished out their mid-twenties and cleared their small apartment that was at the time, only appropriate for them and my 18 month old sister Vanessa. My birth was also symbolic of a new beginning for the rest of my family. They relocated from H St to a humble neighborhood in Spring Valley that was conveniently located a block away from the elementary school we were to attend. My father worked for the San Diego Sheriff's department and my mother worked at Wells Fargo Bank. My grandma Lupe would come take care of my sister and me during the evenings. She would go about usual business and water the flowers, cook for us, and watch cartoons. I've always had a soft spot for my grandmother and I enjoy recalling the days that we were close regardless of our evident communication barrier.
From grades kinder-5th I attended Rancho Elementary School. I had a fairly comfortable childhood, yet I always retained a sense of instability and frequently suffered from panic attacks. I was neurotic and germophobic, and because of this I gave a lot of my teachers and my mother a hard time. I didn't maintain friendships easily. I always felt like an outcast and regardless of how easily I grew close to another child, they would always drift away. Throughout Elementary school I suppose everyone has an obligatory best friend regardless of the merit or quality of the friendship itself, and to me that best friend was Tristan Cien. I wouldn't say that I looked up to her, but she lived a seemingly perfect life and had everything at her disposal. Her and I fought frequently and by the end of 5 th grade we were not on speaking terms. She invoked an interest in art in me and to this day I owe her that debt. My sister Vanessa was always outstanding at art so I took a stab at it. I forced myself to develop skill and since then it's been one of my strong points.
Along with art, I developed my intelligence. I was always ahead in reading and would often indulge in books that were by standards, years beyond my comprehension. I forced my fifth grade teacher to issue me the GATE test to prove that I surpassed average intelligence. I always suspected that she had a bias against me because she would never say yes, but one day she agreed and I passed. Everyone had high expectations of me that I would later fulfill in middle school.
Life at home was good. My family was considerably close and my parents treated my sister and I quite well. My mother did her best to balance difficult work hours and a life and home, and ultimately succeeded. My sister and I were never left with an emotional void that most children develop over time as a result of hard-working parents. My father was an amazing provider, and because of his hard work my parents were able to take us on various road-trips and vacations.
Elementary school passed, and with great apprehension I entered La Presa Middle School in August of 2000. I was in a secluded portion of the school where all of the "Gifted and talented" classes were settled so my entire middle school career was somewhat comfortable and isolated from the harsh realities that society and the middle-school crowd had to offer. On my first day I met a young girl named Toni Dondero. She was standing aside uncomfortably, her red cheeks contrasted with her pink skin complexion and blonde hair; I could tell that she was as nervous as I was. I approached her and proposed we became friends. She agreed nervously and from that we developed a friendship throughout middle school. Middle school was one vast transition. I varied in style and personality. I never considered myself cool or attractive, and because of that I developed an inferiority complex that seemingly never fails to cease.
In seventh grade on the way to my English class I became the target of ridicule for two boys. One was tall, dark, and held a wide, toothy grin and the other was pale and noticeably smaller in stature. I ignored their comments, as I was teased a lot, and went about my day as usual. As the weeks and months progressed their teasing became worse to the extent of me actually coming home occasionally in tears. One of these boys, David , had later professed to having a crush on me. We connected despite our shaky beginnings and became united as boyfriend and girlfriend. Our relationship was quite innocent, as neither of us had experience in the romantic department, and we acted more as best friends. In time he became possessive, controlling, and his behavior had been rendered erratic. We were together for a year when I just could not take it and I left him. He did not take it well and as a result of his reaction, he was forced to leave the school. As a young child, such a break-up permanently left me raw. I recovered later, but it was minor in comparison of what was to come. New things were entering my life to look forward to, like the birth of my baby brother Justin Alfredo Martinez and the beginning of higher-lever education. The end of our relationship marked the end of high school, and the end of my oblivion.
The summer before I entered high school I reconnected with a boy. He was David's former accomplice, as mentioned earlier, and by chance I forgave him too and we fell for each other. His name was Robert. Though I was young, I knew that my attraction to him was inevitable and it could not be described as anything other then love. He helped me enter high school with ease and I often associate that transition into adulthood with him. Robert introduced me to a variety of things. He showed me emotions, music, and culture that I'd never experienced before. He taught me how to properly play guitar, and made me into a properly trained musician. That boy had my soul and his disposal and for the most part he treated it delicately. High school was definitely a culture shock. I'd gone from the lower-class crowd at La Presa, to the significantly laid-back rich community at Bonita Vista. I didn't have a lot of friends, again, but I didn't need anyone because I had Robert. I became so wrapped up in our relationship that I'd set everything aside and developed terrible studying habits. I failed the first two semesters of high school and was often grounded. This was the start of many events to come that would ultimately shoot down my parents' high expectations of me.
During spring break of my freshman year things fell apart completely with Robert, and out of nowhere he broke off our relationship. That was my first and only heartbreak that would forever leave me with a large emotional void that I am yet to fill. I spent countless hours struggling to figure out why he’d made the conscious decision to leave me; no conclusion was settling. He simply excused our relationship as inane, and nothing more then puppy love but I believed that we had the potential to grow together. After the break-up I redeemed my grades somewhat and indulged in what was left in the beginning of high school.
I went to summer school to make-up the classes that I’d failed first and second semester that summer. Occasionally I would see Robert roaming the hallways and was forced to overlook his existence, our past, and the extent of my pain. Later I learned that the experience was no easier for him, and that the reason for our break-up was his inevitable insecurity in regards to our relationship and our future, and simply that we cared too much for each other and both of us would end up becoming hurt if things progressed. I spent almost everyday after school with my good friends Alex and Christina. They always retained a distinct innocence throughout our friendship, which was what always attracted me to them. We’d do various things that I never really had when I was younger and it was just great to utilize our youth. That summer I matured emotionally, but I believe that all of the events sparked my cynicism that would ultimately bloom into a consistent state.
Sophomore year was a little better. I improved in my work ethic and found a few more people. I began to develop my art and I looked into literature. That year I met a teacher that would forever change my life. His name was Mr. Gamez, and though we were not close, he opened my mind and changed me as a person. He sparked a and thirst for prose and knowledge that was inexplicable. At the height of my intellectual quest I reconnected with David. Though it was foolish of me, I was still hurt by what had happened with Robert and was looking for any opportunity to fill that void that he left me with. Initially, everything with David was okay. We’d both grown, as the level of our relationship, but something was always missing. I noticed that in time his erratic behavior had increase and as strange as it sounds, it seemed as though he had refined the art of it. He was controlling still to a completely different degree. That was a very unhappy part in my life because I’d isolated myself from my family and began to suffer from frequent panic attacks. Sometimes the anxiety would come on so strong that I could not breath and would be rendered motionless on the bathroom floor, crying. It was all so strange because after Robert I hadn’t really cried and I doubted my potential to even be lachrymose. I stopped eating and my weight dropped dramatically. At the time I had no friends besides David; I felt suffocated. I tried my hardest to shut him out of my life, and when I’d finally decided to give up this fight I settled down. He grew on my finally, but it was too late. Within no time he was happily engaged in another relationship with someone else who’d fulfilled everything that I could never even touch upon. I’d never been more unhappy with the state of things.
After that whole ordeal I worked on recovering myself. I never looked too into my hobbies because in time I overanalyzed everything and still felt completely isolated and misunderstood. I met a few people at the end of Junior year, after all that had happened, and was introduced to a small group at another High School. These people became my best friends. I dated around, but never anything too serious. I tried my hardest to work on myself before I became involved. Summer approached again and for the first time, I realized that I had friends. It was a very sweet summer that progressed with ease. I met a boy named Daniel Mendoza. What attracted to me to him initially was his smile. He was just such a beautiful person inside and out, and regardless of what emotional issues I dealt with he would always be there for me. He became best friends immediately, almost. He was there for me through every faulty relationship and break-up, every cry, and every bad feeling. He was in Hawaii most of the summer, and regardless of distance we still cared for each other. When he came back we were together, as a couple. I disregarded everyone at my school completely and went to his everyday. Some of my best friends at the time went there, so I did these trips with ease. I didn’t really feel like a senior at Bonita, and I didn’t mind. My only friend at Bonita was Andrea Casillas. She later grew to be like a sister to me, and still is to this day. Sometimes she would accompany me on these trips.
Danny also introduced me to literature. I started to get into English again because of him. I read avidly and also began to write. Above piano and art, I realized that I had a great passion for poems, narratives, and short stories. I had a lot of potential to become something great at the time. I focused on my hobbies a little bit more, and actually got to going out every day like a normal teenager. As I became involved in other things, I separated myself from food. Ever since I was a child I’ve had an altered body perception and because of this I fell victim to anorexia nervosa. I dropped down to 80 pounds, and though I had a dangerously low BMI I was still happy with everything in my life. I spent almost every day at Danny’s house, very faint, but he’d always take care of me. I really cared about him, but in time every conversation turned into a fight. I’d finally decided to break it off when my eating disorder, cynicism, and self-hatred were at an all-time high.
After Danny I dated boy after boy. I’ve always had this problem with jumping into relationships, and because of that I’ve hurt a lot of people. My self-esteem was raised, but weight still plummeted. If it weren’t for the help of my mother, I probably wouldn’t be alive right now. I think when my weight is down, I am at my happiest but evidently it was dropping too much for comfort. I relied on my journals and writing documents for consolation. I would occasionally speak to Danny, but for the most part he wanted nothing to do with me. At the time I grew closer to Andrea. We honestly, have been through everything together. Everyone has their ups and downs, but with Andrea our ups will ultimately conquer and surpass the downs. I had never had a friend or had gotten as close to someone as I had her. I loved her like a sister, and she helped me through everything.
When my weight stabilized, so did my happiness. I focused more on writing and simply keeping to myself. I met a boy named Hector by chance one day. We dated briefly, but were friends long before. He helped me realize the extent of my potential as an artist, and since him I’ve been focusing more on art. I’ve been creating canvas pieces since then, and have also been looking into a career into the tattoo industry. My passion in life right now is art and writing. There is nothing more at this point that I want to be then a tattoo artist. Currently I am much better socially, and open up with more ease. I’ve met countless people on this journey that I love and appreciate very much. My close friends, Andrea,Lili,Thalia, and Amanda, all mean so much to me. I’m attempting to save up full-time and move to Odgen,Utah with my good friend Amanda for a year or so. When I come back to San Diego, I am most likely to go back to college depending on my progress in tattooing.
I’ve grown and matured so much since my earlier days, and I thank every negative and positive experience to thank. I am a great believer in the concept of progression, and I believe the word thrives among all other diction choices for a reason. Regression could easily counter it, but if one retains a positive attitude the concept of regressing could easily be overlooked. We often forget that we only have one life because to us, it seems as though it is passing slowly. We all need to remember that though we are alive for the first time, we are also alive for the last time. We’re all thrown into this harsh environment from our comfortable fluid-like atmosphere in the womb, and once we adjust to the light and our vision is perfect it is our choice to embrace life or become unsatisfied with it. I’ve been through a lot, and though I feel as though ultimately, I have been desensitized, I have learned of what this world has to offer. I have a lot of hopes and dreams, and I suppose this little cynic isn’t quite so bad-off after all.