my autobiography (of sorts)
keep in mind im kind of quoting a journal i made a while back... though many things stay the same.
' "sometimes you try and never succeed,
sometimes you dont try and exceed all expectations"
*sigh* this shall become my journal of thoughts. to be honest i dont know why im writing this, except for the fact that i am extraordinarily pissed at my mother... to get you up to speed, my life is probably a priveledged one. [im sure many are far worse off than me] i have to say, i dont see it that way. while i dont have many friends, there are many i know, and many i know well. personally i think im a kind person of sound body and mind. [but anyway] back to my history. i find that i often have an obscene amount of free time, and at times find myself to be a shut-in. while i am not afraid of the outside world, i dislike what i "bring to the table," so i decide not to "join the party."
why im like this is unknown to me at this current time, but im sure it will come to me at least once in my life. ok.. to actually catch you up to speed as i said before, i shall summarize my childhood to the best of my ability.
as far as i know ive only gotten straight a's once in my life: kindergarten... oh... right.. i was also an obscenely naughty preschooler. i suppose i was interested in sexuality [at 5?] because whenever the chance arose, i found that id be looking onder women... and fellow classmates skirts [ /dresses]. i dont know if i was ever disciplined because of it, but i do know that it probably left a lasting [i]mpression on me.
during elementary school i had a crush on a girl i met there [who i was utterly obsessed with for a time... i even sent her a stuffed animal in the 1st or 2nd grade], Lilly Iverson...or ar the teachers called her first name: Leigh. i remember i kissed her, and i would constantly be either nice or cruel to her... i guess i couldnt distinguish the two at that age [attempts at flirting?]. throughout my life, though, ive been made fun of. be-it because my ears are big, or because of my shortness, i was always teased. though i suppose that isnt a focus, well, i suppose it is, back to Lilly.
throughout elementary school, i had a crush on her. she was the straight a student, and i would get b's and c's because i didnt do my work [still a problem now]. in fact one teacher threatened me if i didnt turn in my work, she would give me a detention. safe to say, i turned in my work. because i didnt alot of the time, i was lectured by my father, who to this day, seems to give lectures to everyone in my family. thank god i [still] dont live with him. because i slacked off, my father began to send me to school with sheets of paper informing him of what the homework was, there[upon]ensuring i would do it.
i suppose that got my grades up, but i really dont think that was the real reason, you see, i still had a crush on Lilly, and in an attempt to impress her, i started bringing my grades up. i got my gpa to a 3.67 [best ive ever gotten], but still nothing. i suppose my sister "helped" me bring my grades up because... because... well i cant remember exactly, either i had a atural knack for math and she realised it [DOUBTFUL] or she made me do her homework [such a bitch...] either way i learned a great deal about things like squares and square roots in my early years in elementary school [like 3rd grade... which is crazy because the x tables were in 2nd grade for the most part] the school even put me in G.A.T.E. apparently i had an 9th grade math level in the 4th grade..
anyway.. i completed 5th grade with my grades slumping slightly. id planned my 10th birthday at some plac like chucky cheese.. but that fell through as my dad had gone into rehab for alcohol abuse... so i moved into palos verdes with my mom in 1 bedroom for the summer, until we found the apartment were in now." [this is where it ends.. so now.. i wing it..]
somewhere in there, my mother went to prison for possesion, a roommate of hers had cocaine..[later my sis and i found that she is STILL doing it] so she went to jail for a while, and she came to live with my dad... oh i should probably mention that my parents got divorced when i was going into elementary school. also.. my dad got lonely i guess.. so my sister and i found some porn of his.. and... my sister was a controling bitch back then.. so i was forced to do things... id rather forget... so yea..
it was also a BIG change from moving from my dad's, you see.. he showed affection, whereas my mother did not. he would hug me and kiss me goodnight every night.. it may sound stupid.. but when your little.. its nice to know someone cares. all i know is... now i sleep with my back to a body pillow so it feels like im laying with someone...either that or i like corners... i dunno
so i entered middle school.. and thats when some of you started to know me.. i remember i was quite shy.. aside from the whole hand-ball... that just kicked ass.. but to be honest.. middle school was kinda hard.. not the actual school part of it... just the time in my life.. because the whole cycle of being made fun of started again.. so naturally i was suicidal for a while... but i got over it... i think thats good for my childhood..
so yea... my views on my self for stuff...
um... for sex.. i dont think i really care about anything.. because to be honest all i want to do is eat someone out.. so... yea.. and as for a relationship.. i miss the hugs from my childhood... considering you feel the love from your parents... then you move.. and it stops... you never know what you have till you lose it... oh.. um.. i tend to get jealous of people.. fairly easily.. but i keep things to myself usually... i guess thats good... feel free to comment on anything else you want me to reveal...
oh.. if you want to know who i've crushed on... heres names..
Wendy... she was in pre school
Lilly.. guess
um... that pretty much all for my childhood.. but for middle school and up...
tina marcroft
lauren glorioso (spelling?)
jennifer... something.. i think bennet..
jessica rodriguez/kyoko kobayashi
ariana something..
tiffany martinez..
jessica gonzalez
allanah thompson (i think thats her last name)
aline braga
christina tsui
samantha grover
i think that covers the majority... and keep in mind.. that currently... im only "crushing" on the last one... im over the rest
feel free to comment on anything else you want me to reveal...
' "sometimes you try and never succeed,
sometimes you dont try and exceed all expectations"
*sigh* this shall become my journal of thoughts. to be honest i dont know why im writing this, except for the fact that i am extraordinarily pissed at my mother... to get you up to speed, my life is probably a priveledged one. [im sure many are far worse off than me] i have to say, i dont see it that way. while i dont have many friends, there are many i know, and many i know well. personally i think im a kind person of sound body and mind. [but anyway] back to my history. i find that i often have an obscene amount of free time, and at times find myself to be a shut-in. while i am not afraid of the outside world, i dislike what i "bring to the table," so i decide not to "join the party."
why im like this is unknown to me at this current time, but im sure it will come to me at least once in my life. ok.. to actually catch you up to speed as i said before, i shall summarize my childhood to the best of my ability.
as far as i know ive only gotten straight a's once in my life: kindergarten... oh... right.. i was also an obscenely naughty preschooler. i suppose i was interested in sexuality [at 5?] because whenever the chance arose, i found that id be looking onder women... and fellow classmates skirts [ /dresses]. i dont know if i was ever disciplined because of it, but i do know that it probably left a lasting [i]mpression on me.
during elementary school i had a crush on a girl i met there [who i was utterly obsessed with for a time... i even sent her a stuffed animal in the 1st or 2nd grade], Lilly Iverson...or ar the teachers called her first name: Leigh. i remember i kissed her, and i would constantly be either nice or cruel to her... i guess i couldnt distinguish the two at that age [attempts at flirting?]. throughout my life, though, ive been made fun of. be-it because my ears are big, or because of my shortness, i was always teased. though i suppose that isnt a focus, well, i suppose it is, back to Lilly.
throughout elementary school, i had a crush on her. she was the straight a student, and i would get b's and c's because i didnt do my work [still a problem now]. in fact one teacher threatened me if i didnt turn in my work, she would give me a detention. safe to say, i turned in my work. because i didnt alot of the time, i was lectured by my father, who to this day, seems to give lectures to everyone in my family. thank god i [still] dont live with him. because i slacked off, my father began to send me to school with sheets of paper informing him of what the homework was, there[upon]ensuring i would do it.
i suppose that got my grades up, but i really dont think that was the real reason, you see, i still had a crush on Lilly, and in an attempt to impress her, i started bringing my grades up. i got my gpa to a 3.67 [best ive ever gotten], but still nothing. i suppose my sister "helped" me bring my grades up because... because... well i cant remember exactly, either i had a atural knack for math and she realised it [DOUBTFUL] or she made me do her homework [such a bitch...] either way i learned a great deal about things like squares and square roots in my early years in elementary school [like 3rd grade... which is crazy because the x tables were in 2nd grade for the most part] the school even put me in G.A.T.E. apparently i had an 9th grade math level in the 4th grade..
anyway.. i completed 5th grade with my grades slumping slightly. id planned my 10th birthday at some plac like chucky cheese.. but that fell through as my dad had gone into rehab for alcohol abuse... so i moved into palos verdes with my mom in 1 bedroom for the summer, until we found the apartment were in now." [this is where it ends.. so now.. i wing it..]
somewhere in there, my mother went to prison for possesion, a roommate of hers had cocaine..[later my sis and i found that she is STILL doing it] so she went to jail for a while, and she came to live with my dad... oh i should probably mention that my parents got divorced when i was going into elementary school. also.. my dad got lonely i guess.. so my sister and i found some porn of his.. and... my sister was a controling bitch back then.. so i was forced to do things... id rather forget... so yea..
it was also a BIG change from moving from my dad's, you see.. he showed affection, whereas my mother did not. he would hug me and kiss me goodnight every night.. it may sound stupid.. but when your little.. its nice to know someone cares. all i know is... now i sleep with my back to a body pillow so it feels like im laying with someone...either that or i like corners... i dunno
so i entered middle school.. and thats when some of you started to know me.. i remember i was quite shy.. aside from the whole hand-ball... that just kicked ass.. but to be honest.. middle school was kinda hard.. not the actual school part of it... just the time in my life.. because the whole cycle of being made fun of started again.. so naturally i was suicidal for a while... but i got over it... i think thats good for my childhood..
so yea... my views on my self for stuff...
um... for sex.. i dont think i really care about anything.. because to be honest all i want to do is eat someone out.. so... yea.. and as for a relationship.. i miss the hugs from my childhood... considering you feel the love from your parents... then you move.. and it stops... you never know what you have till you lose it... oh.. um.. i tend to get jealous of people.. fairly easily.. but i keep things to myself usually... i guess thats good... feel free to comment on anything else you want me to reveal...
oh.. if you want to know who i've crushed on... heres names..
Wendy... she was in pre school
Lilly.. guess
um... that pretty much all for my childhood.. but for middle school and up...
tina marcroft
lauren glorioso (spelling?)
jennifer... something.. i think bennet..
jessica rodriguez/kyoko kobayashi
ariana something..
tiffany martinez..
jessica gonzalez
allanah thompson (i think thats her last name)
aline braga
christina tsui
samantha grover
i think that covers the majority... and keep in mind.. that currently... im only "crushing" on the last one... im over the rest
feel free to comment on anything else you want me to reveal...