Grimace. Face is a-grimace.
The people I feel I need the most right now, who would be the right people to go to with my specifics... do not like me. And that sucks.
I need to talk about gender and sexuality. Badly.
I need to talk about relationships.
I need to talk about Big Responsibilities in life and in the world, etc...
I need to talk about my career, lest I give up on it. I am getting over and underwhelmed. Urgh.
I need to talk about my feelings on life and death.
I need to talk about my feelings on smoking.
I need to talk about what it's like in my head sometimes.
And I need to talk about the overall feeling of pressure. Now.
I need someone to listen. And I mean actually listen. I need someone to understand where I'm coming from. No fear. And won't twist me all around. And won't abuse my full trust.
I need someone to understand that paying someone to give me their "professional," collegiate opinion on my life and my views and my beliefs is out of the question. I don't have the time or the money to spend that it would take to tell a therapist everything I feel they need to know in order to make an accurate assessment of me and what I need. And I use the term "accurate" loosely since accuracy is still definitely a matter of opinion. For all we know, the people who SET the standards are the ones who are batshit nuts.
That is not what I need. I know this now. What I need is a friend. That I can be candid with at all times. That will speak to me from experience and what they know and what they feel personally. No injection of judgment. No fear that I will say something that will scare or otherwise turn them off.
I want the opinions of people who matter, not people who don't.
So I'm asking honestly... is that too much to ask? Is that more than I can expect from anyone or from even a group of people?
Am I on my own?
I need to talk about gender and sexuality. Badly.
I need to talk about relationships.
I need to talk about Big Responsibilities in life and in the world, etc...
I need to talk about my career, lest I give up on it. I am getting over and underwhelmed. Urgh.
I need to talk about my feelings on life and death.
I need to talk about my feelings on smoking.
I need to talk about what it's like in my head sometimes.
And I need to talk about the overall feeling of pressure. Now.
I need someone to listen. And I mean actually listen. I need someone to understand where I'm coming from. No fear. And won't twist me all around. And won't abuse my full trust.
I need someone to understand that paying someone to give me their "professional," collegiate opinion on my life and my views and my beliefs is out of the question. I don't have the time or the money to spend that it would take to tell a therapist everything I feel they need to know in order to make an accurate assessment of me and what I need. And I use the term "accurate" loosely since accuracy is still definitely a matter of opinion. For all we know, the people who SET the standards are the ones who are batshit nuts.
That is not what I need. I know this now. What I need is a friend. That I can be candid with at all times. That will speak to me from experience and what they know and what they feel personally. No injection of judgment. No fear that I will say something that will scare or otherwise turn them off.
I want the opinions of people who matter, not people who don't.
So I'm asking honestly... is that too much to ask? Is that more than I can expect from anyone or from even a group of people?
Am I on my own?