Things that hurt my feelings... by Jack Handy
When I go out of my way to plead with you through two lj comments and one facebook message to keep in touch with me via email once a week and you flat out ignore every single one of those... it hurts my fucking feelings. I just wanted to connect with you like I never have before and like I know we can.
When you ask me to hang out or make plans on a certain day and we make those plans or even tentative plans and then I find out via FB or LJ that you've made other plans with other people that same day and time and I'm not even invited... that shit hurts my fucking feelings.
When all you can ever do is think and talk about yourself and never stop to check in... that hurts my fucking feelings. I thought this was a RELATIONship. Not a youship.
When you ask me if I can be one of the first human subjects of your art and then not only do you never draw or paint me, but instead draw and paint just about EVERYONE around me... that shit hurts my fucking feelings. Especially after the support I have given and offered you over the last few years. And a lot of that support came after your broken words.
When you only come around because I'm in a great mood and have nothing to bitch about, nothing is going wrong in my life and you just want it to be all sunshine and puppy dogs and straight up bail anytime things get tough... that hurts my fucking feelings. I don't do fair-weather friends unless they are just that fucking awesome.
When you video chat or gchat with me or read my journal or my facebook and then you use my information to go have a shit-talking party with people you know I am not friends with... hurts my fucking feelings. And is wrong in every way shape or form. That's dirtbag right there.
When you criticise my life choices and chosen paths because you are so grossly unhappy with yourself and your life (and with good reason!)... that hurts my fucking feelings. Because how DARE someone like YOU criticise ME, when I'm on my way to happy. Don't try and drag me down, too.
When you can't take my constructive criticism of your life THAT YOU ASKED ME FOR MULTIPLE TIMES and instead turn it around on me to try to make me feel like shit... well, yeah. It hurts my feelings. You're not being fair and I will never give you solicited (or unsolicited) advice about your life ever again. So go away.
When you bold faced lie to me just because you have the careful veil of the internet and hundreds if not thousands of miles between... that hurts my fucking feelings. My instincts have almost never failed me. And they haven't ever failed me in more critical situations. Go lie to someone else.
When you make up and aggrandise situations or conversations to better fit your own little mold so you can sit atop your "I did it right!" pedestal... that hurts my fucking feelings. You're a fucking tabloid reporter as far as I'm concerned.
When you can't respond to my invitations to things and never ever show up to anything... that hurts my fucking feelings. Eventually, I'm just going to stop inviting you to shit. And eventually, I'm just going to quietly remove you from things and go my way.
When you argue a side just to argue it and to try and make me look like a fool publicly (and we both know that is precisely what you are doing)... that hurts my fucking feelings. You're about to lose a friend.
When you judge people... even if it's not me... that really, really hurts my fucking feelings. When I see you judge someone else, you know what I automatically think? 'I wonder what all they could find to judge about me, then...' Fuck you. Keep your eyes on your own paper until someone ASKS YOU FOR HELP.
And so we're clear on this as defined in my head... telling you when I think you do something that is fucked up is not unsolicited advice. When you do or say something publicly that I have a perspective on, I have every right- as protected by the first amendment of the US constitution- to tell you what I think. The difference is that I'm not judging you. I'm saying hey. This stinks from my perspective. Just think about it for a minute. It isn't superficial. It isn't bullshit. It's because you did somethin' fuckin' shady, ok? And I obviously think that's out of character or I'd just scoff and move along cause you wouldn't be worth my time. (Yeah some of that might be about you.)
I'm very self aware, but there are times I really need things pointed out to me. And that's just how it is.
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY LOYALTY AND MY FANTASTIC FRIENDSHIP HURTS MY FUCKING FEELINGS.
So we can either fix things or you can just go right on ahead and fuck off. Really. I do not need you or your wonky brand of friendship.
You're not living in my head rent free anymore. So if you suddenly find yourself knocked off my friends lists... please don't wonder why. It's because you haven't lifted a finger in over three months for our relationship and/or because you've seemingly actively tried to harm it.
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I know some of you have this same method. I know some of you quit people cold turkey. And I don't see anything wrong with it. If you aren't connecting with someone or feel strongly that they aren't connecting with you, why beat around the bush?
I would rather have five amazing, loyal, tried and true friends than 50 who are fair weather.
And as I've explained... sometimes it's not worth the conflict.
I learned that in one particular instance, I should have just moved the fuck on. I never should have sent an email asking to be removed. I should have just fucking walked and never looked back. They ASKED ME WHY and then they didn't like the answer and turned that into an excuse to begin the lynching and hazing and other ~secret society bullshit.
I love how someone asks for information and then when they don't like the answer they use it as an excuse to turn into a fucking twelve year old and jr. high it up, ya know.
Yeah.
If you think this post whiny and I'm whiny and I'm obnoxious and you're tired of hearing about it... please, RIGHT NOW, go remove me from your friends list. You're not my kinda friend. You're not my kinda person. You need to learn some sympathy if not empathy.
Unless you're just in a bad mood and don't want to read anyone's negative shit. Haha. That I can understand.
Otherwise, I'm tired of you. I'm tired of thinking I have a friend, a confidant in you if I don't. It's stressful. Go find people you CAN be friends with.
When you ask me to hang out or make plans on a certain day and we make those plans or even tentative plans and then I find out via FB or LJ that you've made other plans with other people that same day and time and I'm not even invited... that shit hurts my fucking feelings.
When all you can ever do is think and talk about yourself and never stop to check in... that hurts my fucking feelings. I thought this was a RELATIONship. Not a youship.
When you ask me if I can be one of the first human subjects of your art and then not only do you never draw or paint me, but instead draw and paint just about EVERYONE around me... that shit hurts my fucking feelings. Especially after the support I have given and offered you over the last few years. And a lot of that support came after your broken words.
When you only come around because I'm in a great mood and have nothing to bitch about, nothing is going wrong in my life and you just want it to be all sunshine and puppy dogs and straight up bail anytime things get tough... that hurts my fucking feelings. I don't do fair-weather friends unless they are just that fucking awesome.
When you video chat or gchat with me or read my journal or my facebook and then you use my information to go have a shit-talking party with people you know I am not friends with... hurts my fucking feelings. And is wrong in every way shape or form. That's dirtbag right there.
When you criticise my life choices and chosen paths because you are so grossly unhappy with yourself and your life (and with good reason!)... that hurts my fucking feelings. Because how DARE someone like YOU criticise ME, when I'm on my way to happy. Don't try and drag me down, too.
When you can't take my constructive criticism of your life THAT YOU ASKED ME FOR MULTIPLE TIMES and instead turn it around on me to try to make me feel like shit... well, yeah. It hurts my feelings. You're not being fair and I will never give you solicited (or unsolicited) advice about your life ever again. So go away.
When you bold faced lie to me just because you have the careful veil of the internet and hundreds if not thousands of miles between... that hurts my fucking feelings. My instincts have almost never failed me. And they haven't ever failed me in more critical situations. Go lie to someone else.
When you make up and aggrandise situations or conversations to better fit your own little mold so you can sit atop your "I did it right!" pedestal... that hurts my fucking feelings. You're a fucking tabloid reporter as far as I'm concerned.
When you can't respond to my invitations to things and never ever show up to anything... that hurts my fucking feelings. Eventually, I'm just going to stop inviting you to shit. And eventually, I'm just going to quietly remove you from things and go my way.
When you argue a side just to argue it and to try and make me look like a fool publicly (and we both know that is precisely what you are doing)... that hurts my fucking feelings. You're about to lose a friend.
When you judge people... even if it's not me... that really, really hurts my fucking feelings. When I see you judge someone else, you know what I automatically think? 'I wonder what all they could find to judge about me, then...' Fuck you. Keep your eyes on your own paper until someone ASKS YOU FOR HELP.
And so we're clear on this as defined in my head... telling you when I think you do something that is fucked up is not unsolicited advice. When you do or say something publicly that I have a perspective on, I have every right- as protected by the first amendment of the US constitution- to tell you what I think. The difference is that I'm not judging you. I'm saying hey. This stinks from my perspective. Just think about it for a minute. It isn't superficial. It isn't bullshit. It's because you did somethin' fuckin' shady, ok? And I obviously think that's out of character or I'd just scoff and move along cause you wouldn't be worth my time. (Yeah some of that might be about you.)
I'm very self aware, but there are times I really need things pointed out to me. And that's just how it is.
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY LOYALTY AND MY FANTASTIC FRIENDSHIP HURTS MY FUCKING FEELINGS.
So we can either fix things or you can just go right on ahead and fuck off. Really. I do not need you or your wonky brand of friendship.
You're not living in my head rent free anymore. So if you suddenly find yourself knocked off my friends lists... please don't wonder why. It's because you haven't lifted a finger in over three months for our relationship and/or because you've seemingly actively tried to harm it.
----------------------------------------
I know some of you have this same method. I know some of you quit people cold turkey. And I don't see anything wrong with it. If you aren't connecting with someone or feel strongly that they aren't connecting with you, why beat around the bush?
I would rather have five amazing, loyal, tried and true friends than 50 who are fair weather.
And as I've explained... sometimes it's not worth the conflict.
I learned that in one particular instance, I should have just moved the fuck on. I never should have sent an email asking to be removed. I should have just fucking walked and never looked back. They ASKED ME WHY and then they didn't like the answer and turned that into an excuse to begin the lynching and hazing and other ~secret society bullshit.
I love how someone asks for information and then when they don't like the answer they use it as an excuse to turn into a fucking twelve year old and jr. high it up, ya know.
Yeah.
If you think this post whiny and I'm whiny and I'm obnoxious and you're tired of hearing about it... please, RIGHT NOW, go remove me from your friends list. You're not my kinda friend. You're not my kinda person. You need to learn some sympathy if not empathy.
Unless you're just in a bad mood and don't want to read anyone's negative shit. Haha. That I can understand.
Otherwise, I'm tired of you. I'm tired of thinking I have a friend, a confidant in you if I don't. It's stressful. Go find people you CAN be friends with.