Been a l-o-n-g while...
...but I would like to put something in writing here.
I would like to know why there are so many people in my life (my wife included) who seem to know who they are and are completely comfortable in their own skin. I do not feel this way. I feel unsteady on my own two feet and unsure of how to behave and act at times. I have known (and still do to this day) people who are so "cool" to me because of their unabashed willingness to "let it all hang out". They know what they like and they feel no shame in saying so. They have an idea of what it is that they would like to be doing, and they do it. These people are just being themselves and yet I find myself not feeling comfortable in just being who I am (who is that again?) and letting people around me see that. I am timid and shy and weak...and so incredibly unsure of myself and who I might be. Where in my life did I lose the ability to be myself? Or, did I have that superpower at all? I don't know. I don't know if I ever got to that point. I would like to. I would like to know who I am deep down. I would like to be able to do the things that make me happiest and feel the most fulfilled in my life. There are others doing it, so why can't I?
I would like to know why there are so many people in my life (my wife included) who seem to know who they are and are completely comfortable in their own skin. I do not feel this way. I feel unsteady on my own two feet and unsure of how to behave and act at times. I have known (and still do to this day) people who are so "cool" to me because of their unabashed willingness to "let it all hang out". They know what they like and they feel no shame in saying so. They have an idea of what it is that they would like to be doing, and they do it. These people are just being themselves and yet I find myself not feeling comfortable in just being who I am (who is that again?) and letting people around me see that. I am timid and shy and weak...and so incredibly unsure of myself and who I might be. Where in my life did I lose the ability to be myself? Or, did I have that superpower at all? I don't know. I don't know if I ever got to that point. I would like to. I would like to know who I am deep down. I would like to be able to do the things that make me happiest and feel the most fulfilled in my life. There are others doing it, so why can't I?