I'm crawling into a hole
I'm crazy and weird, different then most, I'm fat and weird shaped, I'm a slob, I have the ultimate "Don't give a fuck" attitude, I realy do everything I need to but yet it's never enough, I'm clumsy, I'm selfish, I'm obnoxious, I'm pretty slow on the uptake, I'm pretty dirty and lazy, I can't control myself, and I tend to overdo it whenever given the chance, I always do everything the wrong way, and I always end up being the odd one out, I get teased for absolutly everything, I hate myself, the way I look, speak, think, act, walk, grow, shrink, smoke, everything.
I know this may only be how I feel right now, but at this point, I don't want to show my face anywhere, I'm sick of being the odd one out, I'm sick of being just the jew, just the lesbian now apparently turned straight, just Heather, she's always annoying and obnoxious, just hit her a little and she'll stop, like a small child.
Is that how you see me? As you're little friend that you keep around cause sometimes I'm entertaining? Am I like you're fucking monkey?
I have this girl that truly loves me, but I can't let my wall down, nothing can be true, and I can't try anything, because everything feels like a trick, if I let even the smallest chip fall from my wall, I know it'll all come crashing down on me, because it has happened over and over again, I always fall for the wrong people, the wrong time, the wrong way, and I ALWAYS end up crawling into a hole, wanting to fall into a bottomless pit, and never crawl out
Cause once again I let it happen, I let myself develop feelings for someone who I know very well will never have any sort of feelings for me at all, just one of the buddies, as always, but now it'll be the buddy, who has a not so secret crush on me, I feel like puking my guts up cause I'm nauseated by the thought that everyone knows, Nothing is safe, and it's all my fault, I let it happen and I didn't hide it, I've always tried to keep it to myself, but as always in the end I'm the one left alone feeling like the big fat pile of steaming shit that I am
I know this may only be how I feel right now, but at this point, I don't want to show my face anywhere, I'm sick of being the odd one out, I'm sick of being just the jew, just the lesbian now apparently turned straight, just Heather, she's always annoying and obnoxious, just hit her a little and she'll stop, like a small child.
Is that how you see me? As you're little friend that you keep around cause sometimes I'm entertaining? Am I like you're fucking monkey?
I have this girl that truly loves me, but I can't let my wall down, nothing can be true, and I can't try anything, because everything feels like a trick, if I let even the smallest chip fall from my wall, I know it'll all come crashing down on me, because it has happened over and over again, I always fall for the wrong people, the wrong time, the wrong way, and I ALWAYS end up crawling into a hole, wanting to fall into a bottomless pit, and never crawl out
Cause once again I let it happen, I let myself develop feelings for someone who I know very well will never have any sort of feelings for me at all, just one of the buddies, as always, but now it'll be the buddy, who has a not so secret crush on me, I feel like puking my guts up cause I'm nauseated by the thought that everyone knows, Nothing is safe, and it's all my fault, I let it happen and I didn't hide it, I've always tried to keep it to myself, but as always in the end I'm the one left alone feeling like the big fat pile of steaming shit that I am