(no subject)
right now im hyped up on caffiene but diluted with codine. i found some from when i brok my ankle, but who really cares, just as long as it's not too old to not have effects. i need a big city, or mass murder, or some kind of fucking noise. late last night in the park i really didn't know what to think from the slew of words i'm pretty sure i've heard before. i know i'll miss brian, and ally, i didn't even get to fucking say goodbye to them, i guess that just shows how shitty i can be, or irresponsible, if that's ever happened to you by me, i'm probably sorry about it, but my apology is going to be a studder and complete utter of mixed up conjunctions. i'm living in the gossip grapevine from the confessions written by my online and digital friends' profiles and alias. (what's the fucking plural for alias anyways? ali, it sounding of course like "A-Lie", or is italiases?).anyway, im sorry i didn't call jess, it was fucked up. i wanted--whatever. im acting adventurous, i drove to the library today, to return some movies. even in my dreams these devious actions are filing out. i and some other beauty queen planned an attack on a huge coproration that produced with a huge, yet lame, and cliche workforce. anyways, she went in the front and i took out the back. i had a knife, and killed 7/8ths of the people in the building. there was a man following me, breaking glass, but when i stopped looking in the mirrors at him and turned my head, or body around, he wasn't there. then--i woke up, and took a long piss. i came back, and--what the fuck happened to my room? clothes that weren't even mine were on the floor, paint supplies, books, magazines, crumbs, silverware in glasses on bedside tables with a still flashing alarm clock, in which the last thunderstorm we had was...who the fuck knows. i just remember a rainbow, full arch, and before that, two full arch rainbows, man it gave me that nice feeling, but i heard someone took a picture of it, tried to make it theirs, to exploit, just like we do with eachother, just like what she might do with me, or what she might already be doing with me, or what i might not want to do with her, but people might force it out of me, except for a few close friends that would take a five hour pilgrimage to see Sonic Youth with me. who wants to go to detroit on that one date? i need a job, for money, for hashish. it's hot too, we need one of those rainy cold days. not the jungle rains that make it more humid, i mean the cold rains, like in fall, when everyone feels like total shit, but i laugh at them, because, UV rays don't come out, and i can suck as much blood as i want. or maybe that's in early spring, at least in ohio, but they might be perfect in new england. and i have to think about schools. but now i have to think about work, about ways to indulge in this pointless race i'm now facing since i passed my driving test finally, i mean goddamn, i am a total procrastinator/slacker. my step mom said i reminded her of that book, by jack kerouac, On The Road. have you read that? you insightful, witty, "i think about things, yeah, yeah i do" reader. I have, it was a blur, just a bunch of peopel getting there fucking digs, thinking, talking, commenting, jazz music. hah. apple pie and ice cream, can you believe that guy wanted to live off of that shit? and what was with him calling Dean a father figure type? wasn't dean older than him, didnt dean come to him to learn how to write? who cares? I don't...hah, apple pie, fucking ice cream. bluemoon ice cream is nice. speaking of..whatever. oh my body fucking hurts, my sunburn kills, and to think that i usually just tan. whatever. whatever to everything. all i need is lust and a gun, a guitar maybe, a couple friends, a car. i'll end up crashing though, and fucking all of that up, until i catch pneumonia, or maybe, fucking cancer, stomach cancer, so i can spit up that green shit. i guess if that ever happened, i'd become a vegetarian, liquify my green food, so it doesn't seem too odd that im spitting up grean shit. and maybe, it'll make it a nicer green, and not that disgusting green puke coloured green. that does sound quite grand to me. anyways, whatever, i'm going up on my fucking roof with a sniper rifle now. end post.›