(no subject)
lately everything has been seemingly sped up from others' assumptions to my own in gratification of the effort others put towards me in actions, reactions, and words, which all in turn make me feel helpless, somewhat pathetic, but not incapable, as if they are asking me to prove something to them, in turn which i fucking despise and would rather not do, in turn. turn the wheel. put the car in park, do it all over again at another place where you may not have much to say because it's not a place you'd really prefer to stay. i recieved a collection of old recorded writings and prose that i wrote where it seemed so nice and wonderful, the things i was feeling and conveying with such of that prose of vocabulary and communication to some ausience ive been seeking out but have come to find just recently, also being aware of myself more as a being, and being more aware of how my soul treats my body, in my body disposing of any sign of relief to balance what my mind has become. i need to find a place, someplace, somewhere maybe up here or over there or around the corner where you turn and end back up again. everything is repeating but getting more and more overwhelming in a different fashion that i have to keep coming up with euphemisms for myself and hooks repeated in different context to blur the situation at hand.
tyler just got back into ohio and it will be great to see him.
ive been spending a lot of my time with Courtney and it is amazing.
i hope alex wasn't too pissed off with the present of an alarm clock blocked by a picture to piss him off.
everything gets clouded the more and more i try to record it down in some form. i can't make the decision as to why i may have a lack of motivation. a lack of sense, of vision and hearing, maybe im just losing it all to some greater evil that hangs over me constantly during my travels, which of course i do not want to end. it seems that i am more relentless and reckless now a days than i was in the past under the influence of my perception in anticipation for what is going on right now. and i love it, and accept it, it is joyous and i want to breathe, to bask in it for as long as possible without some sign of negativity popping up, and if it does getting beside it and murdering it with my personal audiences opinion in agreeance with my own.
the only problem is that now i feel faceless, characterless, i feel that i have idolized as far as i possibly can in myself, and it has become something more thrilling and overbearing than i thought it ever would be. i cannot write narritives any longer, even in all of my travelling, in recording lost events in my head to feed to whatever is relentless up here and over there to your left, my right.
i look up every now and then and it seems as if the layers of the sky and growing farther and farther apart. but it's hard to see, with everything inside of me claiming to have lost or be losing what might help in the obtaining of exactly what i want to see, hear, touch, and feel. and also because of this it is hard for me to have any kind of attitude, and especially because of her, which is the usual case.
tyler just got back into ohio and it will be great to see him.
ive been spending a lot of my time with Courtney and it is amazing.
i hope alex wasn't too pissed off with the present of an alarm clock blocked by a picture to piss him off.
everything gets clouded the more and more i try to record it down in some form. i can't make the decision as to why i may have a lack of motivation. a lack of sense, of vision and hearing, maybe im just losing it all to some greater evil that hangs over me constantly during my travels, which of course i do not want to end. it seems that i am more relentless and reckless now a days than i was in the past under the influence of my perception in anticipation for what is going on right now. and i love it, and accept it, it is joyous and i want to breathe, to bask in it for as long as possible without some sign of negativity popping up, and if it does getting beside it and murdering it with my personal audiences opinion in agreeance with my own.
the only problem is that now i feel faceless, characterless, i feel that i have idolized as far as i possibly can in myself, and it has become something more thrilling and overbearing than i thought it ever would be. i cannot write narritives any longer, even in all of my travelling, in recording lost events in my head to feed to whatever is relentless up here and over there to your left, my right.
i look up every now and then and it seems as if the layers of the sky and growing farther and farther apart. but it's hard to see, with everything inside of me claiming to have lost or be losing what might help in the obtaining of exactly what i want to see, hear, touch, and feel. and also because of this it is hard for me to have any kind of attitude, and especially because of her, which is the usual case.