Homeowners Association
Yes, we really have to call our HA the Lifestyle Enhancement Committee. Do we have smilies here? Do we have one for 'hurl'? I have run afoul of these folks because I "show attitude." The first time I showed attitude, I tried to request some information from a gate guard. She got all paranoid, snarled that she was not responsible. Didn't say she was, wanted to find out who to talk to. Did, six months later, accidentally, got the matter resolved, but not until I was hauled before the Kangaroo Court known as the Compliance Committee (ooooo scary), charged with uttering the f-word and being discourteous to a gate guard. I saved my howling laughter for later and carefully explained to the morons of the court, all fifteen (15!) of them that, no, "freakin'" is not the f-word but merely a euphemistic version of it, that using it as an intensifier, ie "just give me the freakin' card [with the information I have requested] is not abusive, and that as a linguist and a holder of a lifetime professional radiotelephone FCC license, I know the standards of abuse better than they do.
Yeah, that went well. Got a letter demanding $100 for abuse (what part of "euphemism" and "intensifier" did they fail to understand?) and informing me that they could have fined me another $350 for other infractions, including pulling away from the gate at excessive speeds. Hello! I drive a Dodge Caravan! A four cylindar Dodge Caravan! My car does not acquire excessive speeds fast enough to accomplish this, but I will save that fascinating bit of data for when I buy that muscle car I've had my eye on. So I wrote them back a letter detailing the stuff they apparently had failed to listen to, explaining why I wanted them to reverse the fine, and telling them how I had planned to live a quiet life in our community, but now I'm thinking of getting politically involved. Heh, they backed off.
Yeah, that went well. Got a letter demanding $100 for abuse (what part of "euphemism" and "intensifier" did they fail to understand?) and informing me that they could have fined me another $350 for other infractions, including pulling away from the gate at excessive speeds. Hello! I drive a Dodge Caravan! A four cylindar Dodge Caravan! My car does not acquire excessive speeds fast enough to accomplish this, but I will save that fascinating bit of data for when I buy that muscle car I've had my eye on. So I wrote them back a letter detailing the stuff they apparently had failed to listen to, explaining why I wanted them to reverse the fine, and telling them how I had planned to live a quiet life in our community, but now I'm thinking of getting politically involved. Heh, they backed off.