yes, yes i shall!
So today I attended a "suicide prevention assembly" after contemplating death all weekend. Pleasent surprise. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't seriously considering jamming a kitchen knife through my ribcage, okay well, I was, but I knew that I wasn't going to because I'm smarter than that. Here are several reasons why. (I am writing them down so you can remind me of them if I suddenly become stupid, and so that I can see them in black and white...)
a.) I can't do this to my mother.
b.) I've been looking forward to Thanksgiving for forever...mmmm food.
c.) too messy......pills? none that are lethal in the house!
d.) I have so much left to experience. I have so much to look forward to. I just need to get off of my paranoid ass and go get in trouble and have fun.
so there. well, life has become decidedly better. mostly because foot auction is over and the weather has become cold. I need to make a list of what I want to do....like things that I want to do....like how jenny said she wanted to have one crazy summer night to remember, and we did.
1.) hike up to the weather tower
2.) get drunk... hmmm possibly when my siblings come down for thanksgiving
3.) eventually try other stuff....my sister in law and brother said they'd help me out with that.
4.) do that cultured women's club jana and I concocted.
5.) drive
6.) take a walk at night
7.) stay out way past cufew
8.) go to that hooka bar....is that how you spell it? I doubt it.
9.) more hot tub in the rain....less 19 year old ass holes
10.) more hanging out with friends
11.) megan, right here and now I DEMAND a smudging and massage!
please?
12.) more shit that will bite me in the butt later.
I haven't ever gotten into trouble. I should. I need to do things that will get me over myself. Over all of my paranoia and inhibitions. No, not all my inhibitions, just some. I want to be brave.
And what else. Megan I hope that you and who we discussed earlier eventually happen, no matter what jenny said. And Jenny, I want you and who we discussed to happen! I mean, he even found your "lower back"! love is good. Not for me though. And I'm content with that for now.
Do you know how somedays you totally just want to run and never stop running? And just feel that stinging wind trying to hold you back but never succeeding.
Yes. I need to enjoy youth. And I'm going to goddamnit. And if I don't and I become old. I'm going to join the red hat society, thats what they are all about.
a.) I can't do this to my mother.
b.) I've been looking forward to Thanksgiving for forever...mmmm food.
c.) too messy......pills? none that are lethal in the house!
d.) I have so much left to experience. I have so much to look forward to. I just need to get off of my paranoid ass and go get in trouble and have fun.
so there. well, life has become decidedly better. mostly because foot auction is over and the weather has become cold. I need to make a list of what I want to do....like things that I want to do....like how jenny said she wanted to have one crazy summer night to remember, and we did.
1.) hike up to the weather tower
2.) get drunk... hmmm possibly when my siblings come down for thanksgiving
3.) eventually try other stuff....my sister in law and brother said they'd help me out with that.
4.) do that cultured women's club jana and I concocted.
5.) drive
6.) take a walk at night
7.) stay out way past cufew
8.) go to that hooka bar....is that how you spell it? I doubt it.
9.) more hot tub in the rain....less 19 year old ass holes
10.) more hanging out with friends
11.) megan, right here and now I DEMAND a smudging and massage!
please?
12.) more shit that will bite me in the butt later.
I haven't ever gotten into trouble. I should. I need to do things that will get me over myself. Over all of my paranoia and inhibitions. No, not all my inhibitions, just some. I want to be brave.
And what else. Megan I hope that you and who we discussed earlier eventually happen, no matter what jenny said. And Jenny, I want you and who we discussed to happen! I mean, he even found your "lower back"! love is good. Not for me though. And I'm content with that for now.
Do you know how somedays you totally just want to run and never stop running? And just feel that stinging wind trying to hold you back but never succeeding.
Yes. I need to enjoy youth. And I'm going to goddamnit. And if I don't and I become old. I'm going to join the red hat society, thats what they are all about.