Beast Half as Brave, Part 2.
“No. I think she always knew that my heart belonged to someone from my past, but she never asked, and I never told,” Henry said. “Now don’t get me wrong, I loved your mother, and I still do. I miss her every day; but life goes on.”
Travis thought about Dianne, and her cute smile, and the way that she laughed. Travis shook himself out of his daydream.
“Have you had sex?” Henry asked.
“Dad, do I really have to answer that?” Travis asked.
“Turnabout’s fair play,” Henry said. “Call me Henry.”
Travis looked down at his feet, and then took another swig from his beer.
“Yes,” Travis said.
“Who was it with?” Henry asked.
“Dianne. We’ve only done it once,” Travis said.
“Did you use a condom?”
“Of course Henry, I’m not an idiot. Besides, she’s on birth control.”
“Good. How was it?” Henry asked.
Travis looked Henry in the eyes, then looked away and smiled.
“It was kind of awkward and messy. We didn’t really plan to do it, but it sort of happened one night.”
“Your first time usually is awkward, and sex is pretty messy, but only if you do it right,” Henry said.
Travis laughed. “It’s so weird to hear you talk like that Henry.”
“It’s your turn to ask a question.”
Travis shifted his weight uneasily. There were so many questions flooding to the front of his mind, about this man he called father, and the life he had led.
“What was it like growing up in the seventies?” Travis asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, did you do any drugs? Listen to any rock and roll? See any amazing bands, ditch any boring classes?”
Henry laughed, and finished the rest of his beer. He pulled a knife out of his pack and grabbed the fish from Travis’s cooler. He answered Travis’s questions as he filleted the fish.
“A few, yes, very yes, and who doesn’t need to see the outside every now and again?” Henry said. He stabbed a stick through the two fish filets and leaned them against a rock over the fire.
“Have you?” Henry asked.
“I’ve only tried pot once, only the good stuff, there haven’t been any amazing bands lately, and what you said,” Travis answered.
Henry and Travis laughed, and continued on for a very long time. After the fish was done cooking, they both ate the little bit that hadn’t been sacrificed to the fire.
“Why don’t you show me where this creek is, and we can catch some more fish for dinner. It was delicious. Good job Travis,” Henry said.
“Thanks, grab your fishing pole and I’ll show you.”
“First, we need to build the fire up so that it doesn’t go out while we are gone,” Henry said.
Travis grabbed a couple of the bigger logs and laid them on the fire. The wood cracked and popped as the water vapor escaped. Henry looked over the fire, and satisfied with its height, grabbed his fishing pole and followed Travis to the creek.
After they cast their bait into the water, they sat on the bank and continued to talk. Henry caught twice as many fish as Travis, and after an hour of fishing they had more than they could possibly eat. Travis released a few of the smaller ones back into the stream, and they headed back to camp.
While Henry filleted the fish they had caught, Travis packed the food they’d brought in the trees so that it wouldn’t attract animals. They spent the rest of the day working on their camp, clearing away the underbrush so that it wouldn’t catch fire, and preparing for their first night in the woods.
Travis checked his cell phone, to see if it had any better signal than before, but it didn’t. He wanted to call Dianne to tell her good night, and that he loved her, but he had no such luck.
“Are you trying to call Dianne?” Henry asked.
“Yeah, my phone can’t get any signal out here.”
“It happens. I guess you’ll just have to talk to me.”
Travis smiled and sat down on a tree stump. The night had gotten cool just as the sun set, and it was only getting colder. Travis shivered and pulled the light jacket he had on tighter.
“I figure we should go ahead and hit the sack, I have an early day planned tomorrow,” Henry said as he placed four more logs on the fire.
“I have one more question for you, Henry,” Travis said.
“Fire away Travis.”
Travis looked his father in the eyes. His voice stammered slightly, and he felt like a little kid again. “Why did you leave mom?”
Henry stood still, frozen in place by his son’s question. He sighed. Henry sat down across from Travis, with the fire between them.
“That’s a complicated question. The easy answer would be to say that it was the same reason I left Juliette. I am an idiot,” Henry said.
Travis stood and walked over to the beer cooler. He pulled two more beers out of it, and handed one to his father. He retook his seat and opened his beer in the silence of the forest.
“Henry, why did you leave Coraline?” Travis asked. He took another swig from his beer and look Henry in the eyes.
Henry anxiously laughed. He watched the shadows play across Travis’s face and the darkness of the forest behind him intermingle.
“I left Coraline because I was afraid, and bored, and afraid of being bored for the rest of my life. I wasn’t the best man before I met her, but she changed me. She made me better, for a time. I loved her Travis, but I didn’t love my life. I could feel the worst parts of myself resurfacing, and I didn’t want to wake up one day and find that I had destroyed the warm center of my world,” Henry said.
“But you left your so called warm center of the world. How is that saving yourself or her any pain?” Travis asked.
Henry shifted uncomfortably, and drank from his beer.
“I was afraid of hurting her, physically, and I was afraid of hurting you.”
“You did hurt me, you hurt us both,” Travis said. “But what hurt the most was that you weren’t there for us at the end.”
Henry stood.
“What do you want me to say, Travis? That my biggest regret is that I left her? Or that I wasn’t man enough to see her when she was dying? Do you want me to say that I knew she had cancer before I left? Would that make me villain enough for you?” Henry screamed as he tossed his beer bottle into the fire.
Travis stood and tossed his bottle into the fire as well. He leaped over the fire and hugged his father.
Henry was shocked. He slowly closed his arms around Travis, embracing his son. He felt Travis begin to sob, his face buried in Henry’s chest. Henry began to cry, his body shaking in uncontrolled sobs. He tried to speak, but his voice came out as a whisper.
“I’m sorry.”
Travis pulled his face out of his father’s chest, and looked up in his face. “What?”
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t brave enough. I left your mother because I wasn’t brave enough to watch her die. She was my rock, and I miss her more than you know,” Henry said.
“It’s okay Dad. I still love you. I just needed to know why you left us,” Travis said. “Where did you go?”
Henry sat back down on the rock, and Travis sat at his feet. Travis saw his father as the broken man that he was, aged and uncared for. Henry looked down at his son, and saw the boy that he used to be.
“First, I went to my father’s grave, to ask him what I should do. I hadn’t decided if I was coming back yet or not. When that didn’t provide any answers, I just kept driving,” Henry said. “I was in Tucson with some old friends when grandma got a hold of me, and told me about her death.”
“Why didn’t you come back?” Travis asked.
“I don’t remember. I was inconsolable. As soon as my head cleared, I made my way back to take care of you,” Henry said.
The two of them sat quietly for a minute, until Travis laughed.
“You’re a father and an old man; you shouldn’t be able to have breakdowns like that. You have other people to take care of.”
“And you’re too young to have smoked pot and listened to rock and roll. Not to mention the sex,” Henry said.
The two of them laughed.
“How about we have another beer?” Travis asked.
“Sounds like a great idea.”
Travis grabbed the two beers, and they sat by the firelight and talked. They talked of big and little things. Travis talked about Dianne, and Henry talked about Juliette and Coraline.
They talked until the fire went out.