dying
I am dying
I am on the verge of losing all I care about, if i have not indeed lost it all. I had a fight, a big one, with my girl last night and she kicked me out (I am in Melbourne to visit her for a bit). I can't live without her, I don't even want to. I have limits to my capacity to cope, although I might seem strong, and currently I am standing on the edge, walking the line, walking a tightrope... If anyone asks later if I jumped off the edge or fell.. don't ask me, I have no idea.
I am incapable being lost in the outer world, but really good at losing myself in the inner world, in insanity, in loss, in pain, in mania, in depression, in my fuckedupness.
Once again I will leave. If I can't save everything right now I am outa here, I am heading off for places unknown, maybe even places unknowable.
Lily, if you read this, I love you more than I can say. I am a wordsmith, I love words and the use of them is my life, my soul and my purpose. Yet you leave me lost for words. You leave me without the way I use to deal with pain, you leave me without words, something that is such a part of me. Remember this If I never see you again.
I was lost within you
Now I am lost without you
You stopped my heart
And I waited for you to start it again
September 2008 (I think)
I am on the verge of losing all I care about, if i have not indeed lost it all. I had a fight, a big one, with my girl last night and she kicked me out (I am in Melbourne to visit her for a bit). I can't live without her, I don't even want to. I have limits to my capacity to cope, although I might seem strong, and currently I am standing on the edge, walking the line, walking a tightrope... If anyone asks later if I jumped off the edge or fell.. don't ask me, I have no idea.
I am incapable being lost in the outer world, but really good at losing myself in the inner world, in insanity, in loss, in pain, in mania, in depression, in my fuckedupness.
Once again I will leave. If I can't save everything right now I am outa here, I am heading off for places unknown, maybe even places unknowable.
Lily, if you read this, I love you more than I can say. I am a wordsmith, I love words and the use of them is my life, my soul and my purpose. Yet you leave me lost for words. You leave me without the way I use to deal with pain, you leave me without words, something that is such a part of me. Remember this If I never see you again.
I was lost within you
Now I am lost without you
You stopped my heart
And I waited for you to start it again
September 2008 (I think)