One Night With A Drag Queen: Completed
[Title] One Night With A Drag Queen
[Rating] R for sex
[Pairing] Kyuhyun x Heechul
[Word Count] I don't normally put this in here, but since this one's 12,514 words, I thought I'd give everyone a heads up.
[Author's Note] This one was written because my friend Lyn had it in her head, but she doesn't think she can write and asked me if I would write it for her. So, I did :)
(Part One)
If Kyu Hyun said he woke up with a headache, he was making the biggest understatement of his life. When his eyes opened, the dim light burned his irises, making him scrunch them shut and cry out softly in pain, which only increased the pounding in his brain. His knees involuntarily pulled to his chest while his hands covered his face, trying to figure out what it was that was hurting his head so much. He tried to recall what had happened before he woke up, but all he could remember was being at the club and sitting with Rella.
He frowned. What had happened after that? Had Sung Min brought him home? He squinted his eyes open, and from the blurry shapes around him, he could see that he was, in fact, on the couch in his living room. Relief swept through his body, but was quickly stopped by the pain in his head, and he felt the sudden need to vomit whatever it was that was in his stomach. He stood unsteadily from the couch and staggered to the bathroom, using the wall for support. Perhaps it was his need to get to the bathroom that made it seem so far away, but for some reason it seemed as though his bathroom had moved a bit farther down the wall than it had been before. And was that other door really there before? He didn’t pause to think about it, though, deciding that getting to the toilet was far more urgent than admiring the hallucinations his fuzzy frame of mind was making him see. When he pushed the door open, he was met by a cloud of steam, but he ignored it, dropping to his knees over the toilet and emptying his insides completely.
“Are you alright?”
Kyu Hyun spit the last bit of bile from his mouth and wiped his now crying eyes, and nodded, responding with a vague, “I’m alright…” It didn’t strike him as odd that someone was in his bathroom for several long seconds, but when the realization hit him, he looked up at the person in his shower, his expression one of shock. “Wait…” It was a woman, he could tell that by her pretty face, and he thought it looked vaguely familiar…Rella? But no. What would she be doing in his house? She wouldn’t. So who was she? “Um…who are you?”
The woman laughed, and Kyu Hyun was sure he’d heard it somewhere before, but as another wave of nausea overcame him, he decided he didn’t want to think about it. “Just go rest in the living room. We’ll talk when I’m done.”
He stared for a while, perhaps deciding if he needed to vomit again or not, but stood up and left once the shower curtain again hid her from sight, and sat on the living room, closing his eyes and thinking. She was so beautiful, the way her big eyes looked inquisitively at him; the way her skin was so white it resembled porcelain; her long, silky black locks that fell over her shoulders; how her collarbones curved delicately into her shoulders. It filled Kyu Hyun with the same warm feeling he’d felt earlier at the club. The same feeling he got when he saw Rella.
He opened his eyes suddenly and looked around. This actually wasn’t his apartment. He’d never had a TV like that, and his entertainment center was made of a different kind of wood. The walls were painted a soft, pastel pink, whereas Kyu Hyun’s were white. The layout of the house seemed the same, but everything else was different, and now that he was conscious enough to see that, he felt stupid for even thinking this was his apartment.
So…whose was it? Did it belong to the girl in the shower? Probably. Then why was he here? He thought on it for a minute, ignoring the pounding in his brain, and thought that perhaps Sung Min had paid one of the dancers to take him back to their house. God, he’d kill Sung Min! He closed his eyes again, trying to think of a way to escape, a way to get out of here before the girl got out of the shower, but just as he was about to stand up, he saw someone walk into the living room, a towel in their hair and wearing nothing but boxers. The flush once again found Kyu Hyun’s face when the first thought he had was that it wasn’t just a girl in the shower, but a guy as well, and maybe, just maybe, when he’d gone in to throw up he’d interrupted them. And the girl wasn’t looking at him inquisitively, but annoyed that they would be interrupted in the middle of…
He took a deep breath as the man got closer, and had an apology on the tip of his tongue, but his intake of air brought something other than air with it: the smell of vanilla bean. Kyu Hyun stared, not really sure what to think anymore, and barely registered when the man walked away and returned a minute later with something in his hand.
It was a slow process, but eventually Kyu Hyun came to the realization that there wasn’t two people in the bathroom, just one. And it was a man. It was…
“Well, come on, take it,” he insisted, pushing the glass into Kyu Hyun’s hand, and when he looked down he saw a glass of clear liquid. Vodka? “It’s water, don’t worry.”
Kyu Hyun smiled weakly and drank it quickly, perhaps thinking that by drinking it faster, it would make the knowledge that this man was Rella sink into his brain just a bit sooner. But all it actually did was cause him to choke. He pulled the glass away from his face and sputtered, trying to cough it all out of his throat, and when his air passages were finally cleared he felt the man’s - Rella’s - hand on his back, rubbing his skin through his shirt and telling him to relax. A fluttery feeling started in his stomach at the touches, and he looked into Rella’s eyes. They were dark, like black pearls, but Kyu Hyun could see something in his eyes, something like sadness, like they had a story to tell. He couldn’t pull his eyes away from Rella’s, captivated by their dark depths and the small hint of sadness behind them that made Kyu Hyun’s heart twinge in sympathy.
Rella smiled. “Are you surprised? Rella, the head mistress of Midnight Fantasy, is actually a man. A man that looks pretty good in a dress and heals, I think. But, really, anything looks good on me, right?” He laughed, but Kyu Hyun couldn’t stop staring. “Okay, maybe not the time to joke.” He continued to smile, though, as a thousand thoughts raced through Kyu Hyun’s brain, overwhelming his thought process.
Rella was a man? He didn’t actually have a twin sister he looked incredibly like? Was he really wearing a dress earlier? Because looking at his body now…he was slim and rather on the lean side, but fitting into a corset like that? It must have killed his ribcage…
“Look, I’m going to get some sleep, alright? You’re more than welcome to stay here, if you like.” He smiled, and Kyu Hyun’s heart skipped a beat.
He had nowhere else to go, really. He was pretty much broke, he didn’t have his car or any other means of transportation, and he didn’t want to ask Rella for a ride when he seemed so ready to get some sleep. It took a while, but Kyu Hyun finally decided he had no choice but to stay. What harm could it do, anyway? “Sure. I’ll stay. Not very many other choices, are there?”
The smile on Rella’s face seemed to grow at his words. “Okay. Come on, follow me.” He led Kyu Hyun down the hallway and into the bedroom that Kyu Hyun thought wasn’t supposed to be there when he thought it was his own house, and stood in the doorway while Rella moved around the room, finding a blanket and pillow. “Here, you can use these.” He handed them to Kyu Hyun, who continued to stand in the doorway, suddenly unsure of what he was doing. Did Rella want him to sleep on the couch? Or did he want him to sleep on the floor in here? “Come on, Kyu Hyun.”
He looked up, blushing slightly when he realized it was the first time Rella had used his name, and saw him getting comfortable on a king sized mattress and patting the area next to him, indicating Kyu Hyun should lay down as well. For what felt like the thousandth time tonight, Kyu Hyun’s brain stalled. Okay, so not only did Kyu Hyun wake up in a strangers apartment, vomit up his entire stomach, found out Rella was a man…but now, said man was offering for him to sleep beside him. Thoughts of molestation and rape and violence ran vigorously through his mind, and it was only Rella’s small laugh and reassurance that he wouldn’t do anything without Kyu Hyun’s permission that got him to lay on the edge of the bed, stiff as a board.
“Well…goodnight then.” Rella yawned and Kyu Hyun felt the bed move slightly.
Kyu Hyun tried to mouth a goodnight, but it only came out as whisper. He laid on the bed, trying to get comfortable, but his muscles were so tense they started to shake. Damn his nerves! He tried to control the shaking, but it didn’t help: he was too tense. He felt a comforting hand on his back and turned over quickly, nearly crushing the arm under his weight, and was face to face with Rella, looking once again in those eyes. He tried to find something to say, anything, and the only question that came out of his mouth was, “What’s your real name?”
Rella looked somewhat taken aback and the choice of words, but answered anyway. “Hee Chul. Kim Hee Chul.”
Hee Chul. What a beautiful name. It seemed to fit the man beside him far better than Rella did. He hesitated, trying to think of something else to say. There was so much he wanted to ask, so many things he was curious about, and in the back of his mind he wondered why he cared so much about a man he’d just met a few hours ago. But that didn’t stop his mouth from speaking, nor his brain from being curious. He needed to know what it was about this man that caused the warmth in his chest and the increased beating of his heart. Perhaps it was heartburn. “Why…why do you dress like a girl at the club? And…” He wanted to tack on one more question before his first could get answered. “Are all the girls there guys, too?”
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Hee Chul laughed at the question. How innocent and naïve this boy was. And how sweet. He smiled again, something he found himself doing genuinely a lot more since he’d met this boy, and answered him. “Don’t worry. All the girls there are one hundred percent girl. And don’t worry, I don’t perform. I’m the head mistress, I take care of the girls and watch over the place. Besides the fact that I think men wouldn’t exactly want me up there taking my clothes off when they’re there to see breasts anyway.” He laughed again and saw something like relief crossed his face, and he smiled back. Hee Chul felt a sudden rush of affection for him and wanted to just pull him close and hold him tightly.
“But, Hee Chul,” he said, and the name sounded awkward on his tongue, as though he was still getting used to the feel of it in his mouth, “why do you dress as a girl? Is it because…” He flushed again. “Are you gay?”
Normally Hee Chul would have been offended - how dare anyone assume that! - but he realized it was purely out of curiosity, not as an offensive statement. Hee Chul answered, telling him that, no, he wasn’t gay. There was another reason for dressing like a woman.
Those memories, though, were a lot more painful to remember, and Hee Chul couldn’t suppress a sigh when he started his story.
“When I was a kid, probably since I was born, my mother thought that I was so beautiful, I was meant to be a girl instead of a boy. She said that I was too beautiful to be a man, and that God got mixed up when he made me and put me in a boys body instead of a girls. My mother had…well, she was mentally ill. It wasn’t too bad at first, but it progressively got worse the older I got until it eventually killed her.
“It made her happy to be able to put me in dresses and call me her little girl, though, so I let her. If it made my mother happy, I’d do anything for her. Anything to be able to see her happy. I loved her.” He took a deep breath, already feeling the tears in his eyes. “But my father hated us both. He blamed my mother for having a son that looked like a girl. He would yell at my mom, calling her stupid and childish, and called me a stupid plaything and a fag, not good for anything other than being my mother’s personal doll. The words hurt, but…but it made my mother happy, so I continued to let her. She had such a beautiful smile, a radiant smile that could light up a room. It killed me inside to see my mother being punished for something that she couldn’t understand, you know? She was going crazy, and the only thing that made her happy anymore was me being her little girl.” A tear slipped out the corner of his eye and down his cheek, and Kyu Hyun lifted his hand and gently wiped it off with his thumb, surprising Hee Chul, but not deterring him from his story.
“My mother died when I was 13 and a year later, I couldn’t take my father’s neglect anymore, and I ran away from home. I just packed my things and left. I found a strip club a couple towns over, and I applied as a bartender. I worked like that for a while, then skipped town there, bought a bunch of girls clothes, came here, and opened Midnight Fantasy. It took a long time to get everything underway and to get the establishment ready for business, but in the three years since I opened it, it’s become a huge business.
“But, the reason I continue to dress as a girl is because…because it used to make my mom so happy. I would do anything to see her smile again, and when I wear dresses, it reminds me of her smile and how happy she was when she could call me her little girl.” Another tears slipped down his face, but he didn’t seem to notice it. Instead he noticed that Kyu Hyun suddenly had his hand over his eyes and was shaking with silent tears.
“What’s wrong?” Hee Chul didn’t know what to do. It was painful for him to talk about his past, but for Kyu Hyun to be crying more than he was…he just couldn’t grasp this concept that someone else was feeling sadness for him. “Kyu Hyun, what is it?”
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There he went saying his name again and making his heart beat faster.
Why was he crying? Because Hee Chul, who hadn’t even known him before five o’clock that afternoon, had spilled his innermost secrets, his childhood, the driving reason behind dressing like a girl.
“That’s not fair,” he managed to get out once his tears began to recede, “You told me something so personal, and all I’ve done is throw up in your bathroom.”
“Well, I felt like that was a very personal experience,” Hee Chul replied with a small laugh, but Kyu Hyun just shook his head.
“Why did you tell me all that?”
Hee Chul shrugged as best he could while laying on his side. “Because you asked. But, if you’re so set on it not being fair, why not tell me about you? I noticed in the club that you two called each other friends, but he wasted no time in leaving you alone and uncomfortable. Tell me, Kyu Hyun, what is it that makes you two such good friends?”
Kyu Hyun wiped the last few tears off his face and sniffed a few times before finding his voice. “Well…I guess…from the beginning, right?” Hee Chul nodded. “Okay. Well…my parents never really loved me. It felt that way, anyway. They were always so busy with work that it seemed like I was just in their way. I remember how rushed it was when my parents would drop me off at school then go off to their job. Sometimes they forgot to pick me up, and the school had to call them for them to remember.
“The only thing my father cared about when it came to me was my education. He always told me that making friends was a mistake and that they were less than we were because they didn’t care about their education. He made me care, though. Whenever I mentioned friends, he told me to stop seeing them and to keep studying. He used to tell me that the only way a man would have a good, secure future is to have a degree and a job, and playtime was a waste. When I got to high school, no one spoke to me because I advanced quicker than they did. I graduated college at 16, then was home schooled by a private tutor for two years before going to a real university. I never had friends, though. I only had my books and my education for company.
“When I got into college, I had a class with Sung Min, and he just sort of…latched onto me.” A small smile crossed his lips at the memory. “It was the first time I felt real happiness, because I finally had a friend. No matter what I did, I couldn’t lose him. Even when I was rude to him, he just asked me what was wrong in his bouncy, bubbly manner until I was happy again. We had just enough in common that we were friends and could hang out with each other, and honestly, I loved the attention. Whenever I was around, he would call for me and run to catch up. At first I thought he was making fun of me, or trying to find a way to embarrass me, but he really did care. He really wanted to be my friend.” He held his smile for a moment longer, but it faded ever so slightly when he continued. “He was so catchy with the girls, though. He could get any girl he wanted, and I just…couldn’t. They all only saw Sung Min.”
“Oh, bullshit,” Hee Chul interjected, cutting him off. “You’re so cute, I bet you could have any girl you wanted. I’m sure most of the girls actually wanted you.”
Kyu Hyun laughed, but his smile turned sad. “There was one girl that actually talked to me and flirted with me, but she was doing it to get close to Sung Min.” His voice cracked, and he couldn’t speak anymore. He felt so pathetic telling him all of this. He was a failure at life, and the only thing keeping him going was his studies and Sung Min’s friendship.
Hee Chul touched Kyu Hyun’s cheek, caressing it gently before leaning over and kissing the pale flesh. “It’s alright, don’t worry.”
The warm feeling once again spread through his body, and the light kiss on his cheek didn’t make him angry at all. It didn’t feel like an invasion of personal space, or a hint that his story was boring and that they should just have sex or shut up. It was a comforting kiss that made Kyu Hyun’s stomach tighten nervously. “I think Sung Min is going to have all the love in life. I’m never going to find it because my love is my books. That’s what I’m reduced to. I’m never going to know what love it, or how beautiful it is to have someone by your side that loves you forever.”
Hee Chul’s fingers found his cheek again, and once again leaned over to kiss him, this time on the lips. It was longer, deeper, filled with something that Kyu Hyun might have described as passion if he’d truly understood the meaning of the word. It made him feel like his body was made of air, like he was floating, and he thought it was the most wonderful feeling he’d ever had the fortune of feeling. Hee Chul pulled away before Kyu Hyun was ready, and the younger boy softly bit the older boy’s lower lip, trying to get him to kiss him again.
Hee Chul smiled. “If you want, Kyu Hyun, I can show you what love is like and how beautiful it can be.”
Kyu Hyun hadn’t quite recovered from his weightless feeling, and it took a few seconds for the implications of his words to sink into his brain. “Will…will it hurt?” His mind tried to form a picture of how they’d do it, but he came up with a blank.
“Love, Kyu Hyun, is a give and take relationship, and yes, sometimes it will hurt, but if you cherish it with all your might, with everything you are, then that love you have will always be with you. It will never leave you because if you’re willing to give your all, then that special someone that’s earned your love will do the same for you.”
“Do you love me, Hee Chul?” he asked.
“As much as I’ve loved anything in my life.” He pulled Kyu Hyun into another kiss, his hand sliding behind his neck to bring him closer. Kyu Hyun was tense at first, not knowing exactly what he was doing since his kissing experience was limited, but slowly, with the help of Hee Chul’s soft lips, he relaxed, allowing the older boy’s tongue to slip between his lips and begin softly exploring his mouth. He felt his face get hotter at the light touches, at the feel of their tongues pressing against each other, and let out a small noise somewhere between a whimper and a moan. Hee Chul pulled away briefly, giving Kyu Hyun a chance to take in a breath before taking his mouth with his again. Slowly, Hee Chul maneuvered himself until Kyu Hyun was on his back and he was holding himself up over his body, not once breaking the contact of their mouths, and ran his hand down Kyu Hyun’s arm until he found his hand and interlaced their fingers briefly. Slim fingers held slightly smaller ones, squeezing them affectionately before moving to Kyu Hyun’s stomach, pushing his shirt up to his neck.
Kyu Hyun felt the warm lips of Hee Chul leave his and trail down to his collar bones, just beneath where the shirt was bunched at his neck, and down to his nipple. Teeth grazed across the sensitive flesh, and Kyu Hyun, who had never once experienced this sensation, let out a gasp, feeling his body get warmer at the enticing touches, wanting more but his brain not functioning well enough to ask. All he could manage was a whimper of Hee Chul’s name as the kisses moved across his chest, eliciting another gasp as the other tender spot was taken into Hee Chul’s mouth and teased with his teeth and tongue. The warm touches left his body and moved back to his mouth, landing small kisses on his lower lip and biting it gently.
Somehow he managed to lift his arms, and soon his shirt was on the floor and Hee Chul was sitting back on Kyu Hyun’s thighs, his fingertips tracing the contours of the younger boy’s muscles as they led down into his jeans. His mind suddenly snapped out of his reverie of ecstasy and began thinking of how exactly they would do it. He’d never had sex before, never thought of doing it with a guy, and now all he could think of were Sung Min’s porn tapes that Kyu Hyun had glimpsed him watching on more than one occasion. It was usually a guy and a girl, or sometimes there was more than just one girl, and it always involved lots of moaning and screaming and strange positions that made Kyu Hyun wonder if every girl in those tapes were contortionists. He thought of how the girls would throw their hair around and how the guys would sometimes tie the girls to the bedposts and whip them.
His eyes widened at the thought of the things that they might do in bed. Would Hee Chul tie him to the bedposts and blindfold him, then whip him until Kyu Hyun screamed his name? He had no pain tolerance, he didn’t think he could take a beating of any kind, much less with a leather whip. Would he want him to do oral on him? He had no clue how to do anything like that! And how would Kyu Hyun get his legs in those weird positions like the girls did? He was athletic, but there was only so far his legs could stretch. Was this how Sung Min did it? Did he tie the girls to the bedposts? Did he make them go in weird positions? Did he pull their hair, and make them be on top and call him cowboy? He’d seen that in one of the unfortunate times he’d stayed with Sung Min and woken up in the middle of the night, and Kyu Hyun hoped the Hee Chul wouldn’t want any of those things because he barely had his shirt off and already couldn’t say anything but incoherent babble and moaned words.
Hee Chul’s hand caressed Kyu Hyun’s face, brushing his hair back. “What’s wrong? What are you thinking about that’s making you look so scared?”
“Maybe…maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…” Kyu Hyun said, sitting up and meeting Hee Chul’s bare shoulder in front of him. “I don’t think I’m ready.”
“Whatever it was you were thinking about that put that expression on your face,” he replied, kissing his cheek, “it won’t be like that. I can make it be as gentle as you want, and we can skip all pretenses of foreplay and just get to it. I promise, it’ll be okay.” He smiled reassuringly, and Kyu Hyun felt like he could believe him.
Kyu Hyun licked his lips and looked into Hee Chul’s eyes. “How…how are we going to do it?”
“However you want.”
“But like…how? I’m not a girl, I don’t have…” His blush returned, though he doubted that it ever really left. “I mean, where will you…uh…”
A soft laugh escaped Hee Chul, but not a derogatory laugh that made Kyu Hyun feel stupid. It was gentle and sweet, as though Hee Chul merely wanted to lighten the situation and make Kyu Hyun relax. It worked. “Don’t worry, I’ll show you. When two guys do it, there’s a place for everything.”
“And it’ll hurt?”
“Just a little, but it’ll be quick, okay?”
Kyu Hyun nodded and allowed Hee Chul to push him back to the bed, waiting for the action to commence. Hee Chul slowly worked his jeans down his legs, his boxers following shortly after, leaving Kyu Hyun naked, embarrassed and self-conscious on Hee Chul’s bed. Surely he wasn’t what he was expecting. Surely he was going to laugh at his body and tell him that there was nothing he could do for him, but instead he felt another kiss on his cheek and Hee Chul whisper in his ear that he was beautiful. His eyes opened, and he saw the older boy reach into his nightstand drawer and pull out a bottle of clear liquid.
“Wh-what…” Kyu Hyun’s mind raced once again. What was in the bottle? Was he going to drug him? He knew LSD was a clear liquid that could induce hallucinations in whoever took it. Was he going to make him hallucinate? Oh, what was he getting himself into…
“Relax, Kyu Hyun. It’s lubricant. It’ll just make it easier.”
Oh. Maybe he’d have to actually start trusting this man when it came to things like this. He did know more about it than Kyu Hyun did. He watched him unscrew the lid and pour some in his hands, but turned away embarrassed when Hee Chul started lathering himself in it, deciding instead to wonder where his boxers had gone, and when they had left his body. It was only a minute later, though, he felt him reposition himself over Kyu Hyun, lifting the younger boys legs until his hips rested on Hee Chul’s thighs, and closed his eyes, bracing himself as he finally realized exactly where things went when two guys did it.
“Are you sure you want this?” Hee Chul asked, one hand leaving his hip and resting on the underside of his thigh, spreading his legs slightly.
Kyu Hyun could only nod, keeping his eyes closed, and felt Hee Chul press slowly into him. He cried out at the pain, biting his lip, and felt a tear slip out of his eye, but told Hee Chul in a pained gasp to just keep going. He wasn’t sure how long it took until Hee Chul was finally all the way inside, but by the time he stopped moving, Kyu Hyun had bitten his lip so hard, a drop of blood slid down his chin. His breathing was staggered, and it took several long minutes before he could breathe properly again.
“It’s okay, Kyu Hyun, just tell me when you think it’s okay to keep going.” He kissed his lip softly, licking away the trail of blood, then sat back, waiting for the younger boy to be comfortable enough to continue.
He nodded and finally opened his eyes, looking up into Hee Chul’s, and gave him a faint signal that he was ready, but his eyes closed again when he pulled out just as slowly as he pushed in. It took a few long, slow strokes for Kyu Hyun to feel comfortable with the invasion on his body, and in fact began to really like it. The pain soon left his body to be replaced with pleasure, and Hee Chul leaned forward, bracing himself on his elbows and knees over Kyu Hyun.
“Is it alright?”
Kyu Hyun gripped the sheets in his fists and nodded, a moan escaping his throat as Hee Chul pressed back in. “F-faster…” He wasn’t sure why he wanted him to go faster, but the word was out of his mouth before he could stop it, and he felt a kiss on his nose and Hee Chul pull out and thrust in faster than before, causing Kyu Hyun to gasp sharply and arch a few inches off the bed. Over and over their hips met in strong strokes, Kyu Hyun gasping every time, and his hands unconsciously found Hee Chul’s shoulders and held them tightly in his sweat-slicked fingers.
“You’re doing great,” Hee Chul whispered in his ear, his own breath somewhat short.
“Th-thanks…” Kyu Hyun wasn’t sure if he was supposed to respond at all, but again, the word was out before he could stop it. He felt a warm hand lift his leg higher, and Hee Chul pressed in further, bringing them as close as possible, and Kyu Hyun moaned loudly. He wished it could go on forever, that they could stay joined forever like this, locked in ecstasy and each other’s embrace, and somewhere amidst the increasing thrusts and ragged breathing, he felt himself falling in love with Hee Chul. He thought of asking if maybe they could be together, like, in a relationship, but then thought that maybe it wouldn’t work out. They were too different, had such different lifestyles and habits. Hee Chul owned and worked in a strip club and Kyu Hyun was studying to be a doctor. There was no way two polar opposites such as themselves could be together, no matter how much they loved each other. He was sure that he would just get in Hee Chul’s way.
He wondered if Hee Chul loved him, too.
A hand suddenly traveled down Kyu Hyun’s stomach, over his hips and to his manhood, wrapping around it and pumping it up and down in time with their rhythmic thrusts, and Kyu Hyun threw his head back on the pillow, grinding his teeth together as he felt it about to happen. His hips jerked involuntarily up into the older boy’s hand as another thrust sent Hee Chul deeper inside Kyu Hyun. Another thrust, harder than the last, sent Kyu Hyun over the edge and he came hard in Hee Chul’s hand, his muscles tensing with release, and just one thrust later Hee Chul finished as well, his body pressing into Kyu Hyun’s as he filled him with his own hot liquid. Breathing heavily, Hee Chul pulled out and laid down on Kyu Hyun’s chest, kissing his neck and stroking his arm.
“Was that so bad?”
Kyu Hyun rested his hand weakly on Hee Chul’s back, and closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. “No, it was…it was…”
“Come on, you can say it. ‘Amazing.’” He laughed softly, his breath warm against Kyu Hyun’s collarbones.
Kyu Hyun opened his eyes and smiled. “Amazing.” He frowned, though, trying to move his body under Hee Chul’s and feeling pain shoot up his spine. “I’m a bit sore though.”
“Well, that’s to be expected. It’ll be better next time, though. I promise.”
Another of his promises, but this one caught him off guard by what he meant with those words, ‘next time.’ “You mean…” He looked into Hee Chul’s eyes, trying to confirm if what he thought he was saying was true. “You mean…you want to see me again?”
Another of his beautiful smiles crossed his lips. “Of course.”
“B-but…but I thought that because of my school, and your work, and…and…won’t I just be in the way? Won’t I just be a hassle?”
“Kyu Hyun, I…” He sighed, lifting himself up on his elbows again. “I can’t explain why, but I think I love you. I’ve never felt this way about another person, and I’m not going to let you go until I know it can’t work out, because if I let you go without at least trying it, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. And maybe we’re two completely different people with completely different interests, but that means we can learn a lot from each other. Sorry if I sound cheesy and stupid, but I’m not willing to let you leave without either you saying you don’t want to be with me, or until we hate each other so much we want to tear each other’s eyes out. So, Kyu Hyun, what is it?”
So, Hee Chul loved him back. Kyu Hyun’s heart pounded in his chest at the words, the sound resounding in his ears and drowning out the rest of the world. Was he going to turn down Hee Chul’s offer? Absolutely not. Here was the love he’d been looking for, the love he never thought he’d find. It was exactly as Hee Chul just said: he wasn’t going to let him go until he knew it wouldn’t work out.
He smiled, running his hand through the older boy’s long, silky black locks of hair, damp from sweat and matted to the sides of his face, and rested his fingers on his cheek. His forefinger traced the curve of his upper lip before pulling him down into another kiss, deeper and filled with emotion that had only been faintly there before, then placed his lips next to his ear and whispered “You’re the first person to ever truly make me smile. So of course I’d love to stay with you, Hee Chul. I love you.”
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Kyu Hyun sat in the passenger’s side of the car, talking animatedly to Hee Chul, who was driving him home after another one of their weekend get-together’s that had to sadly end early because Hee Chul had to go to work. Kyu Hyun was always sad to have to leave early, but that’s how it was on the weekends. During the week, on Hee Chul’s days off, they would spend the night together, watching movies or driving around together or going out to eat, inevitably ending up at home to usually make love to each other for the rest of the evening. They had been together for six months, and Kyu Hyun knew that even though he was still embarrassed to be flirty or talk dirty, he was still making Hee Chul happy.
Their weekend dates were reserved to simply going out and getting to know more about each other, talking about their lives more, things they like and dislike, places they wanted to visit in the future. Kyu Hyun was surprised to learn that Hee Chul had always dreamt of visiting Australia and trying to get a tan, and he thought perhaps he’d surprised Hee Chul when he said he’d always wanted to do those crazy stunts people do on TV, like sky dive and hang glide. Every time they saw each other, Kyu Hyun felt himself falling more and more in love with the older boy, and was glad he didn’t pass up the opportunity to go to the night club on his birthday.
Hee Chul had decided to let Kyu Hyun tell Sung Min about him, and also about their relationship, but Kyu Hyun decided the latter could be revealed later. He had a certainly good time telling him about ‘Rella’s’ identity, though.
“So, Kyu Hyun, you didn’t get home until late this morning. Did you stay with Rella?” Sung Min nudged Kyu Hyun’s elbow on the long table in their biology class they were sitting at.
“Yeah. Rella’s really nice, y’know?” He didn’t look up from his paper, continuing to write the notes from the book so he could study that night.
“Yeah? So, what happened?” Another nudge, and Kyu Hyun had to fight the smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth.
“Well. We had sex.”
“I knew it! What was it like? Was it so good? God, do you know how many men would envy you if they knew? Rella never sleeps with anyone from the club! Man, I bet it was awesome. Was it so awesome? Tell me all about it!”
Kyu Hyun tried harder to suppress the smile, but he couldn’t. He let it grow on his face as he continued with his notes. “Yeah, it was pretty good. I mean, I don’t know exactly what it’s supposed to feel like, but for my first time, it was pretty awesome. You know, I never thought it would take me this long to get laid,” he said, setting his pencil down and stretching a bit, “and I never thought it would be with a man.”
Hee Chul had laughed when Kyu Hyun explained how he’d told Sung Min, saying that there could have been no better way to go about it. But he wanted to wait on telling him about their relationship. To Kyu Hyun, it was something special that he didn’t want anyone else knowing about just yet, just in case things went bad and they wound up breaking it off. He knew he would tell him at some point, he just wasn’t sure when - probably in the next month or two - but until then it was just their secret. Something that Kyu Hyun had that his father couldn’t take away, Sung Min hadn’t forced him into, and he himself had found, and to him, nothing else was as good as that..
[Rating] R for sex
[Pairing] Kyuhyun x Heechul
[Word Count] I don't normally put this in here, but since this one's 12,514 words, I thought I'd give everyone a heads up.
[Author's Note] This one was written because my friend Lyn had it in her head, but she doesn't think she can write and asked me if I would write it for her. So, I did :)
(Part One)
If Kyu Hyun said he woke up with a headache, he was making the biggest understatement of his life. When his eyes opened, the dim light burned his irises, making him scrunch them shut and cry out softly in pain, which only increased the pounding in his brain. His knees involuntarily pulled to his chest while his hands covered his face, trying to figure out what it was that was hurting his head so much. He tried to recall what had happened before he woke up, but all he could remember was being at the club and sitting with Rella.
He frowned. What had happened after that? Had Sung Min brought him home? He squinted his eyes open, and from the blurry shapes around him, he could see that he was, in fact, on the couch in his living room. Relief swept through his body, but was quickly stopped by the pain in his head, and he felt the sudden need to vomit whatever it was that was in his stomach. He stood unsteadily from the couch and staggered to the bathroom, using the wall for support. Perhaps it was his need to get to the bathroom that made it seem so far away, but for some reason it seemed as though his bathroom had moved a bit farther down the wall than it had been before. And was that other door really there before? He didn’t pause to think about it, though, deciding that getting to the toilet was far more urgent than admiring the hallucinations his fuzzy frame of mind was making him see. When he pushed the door open, he was met by a cloud of steam, but he ignored it, dropping to his knees over the toilet and emptying his insides completely.
“Are you alright?”
Kyu Hyun spit the last bit of bile from his mouth and wiped his now crying eyes, and nodded, responding with a vague, “I’m alright…” It didn’t strike him as odd that someone was in his bathroom for several long seconds, but when the realization hit him, he looked up at the person in his shower, his expression one of shock. “Wait…” It was a woman, he could tell that by her pretty face, and he thought it looked vaguely familiar…Rella? But no. What would she be doing in his house? She wouldn’t. So who was she? “Um…who are you?”
The woman laughed, and Kyu Hyun was sure he’d heard it somewhere before, but as another wave of nausea overcame him, he decided he didn’t want to think about it. “Just go rest in the living room. We’ll talk when I’m done.”
He stared for a while, perhaps deciding if he needed to vomit again or not, but stood up and left once the shower curtain again hid her from sight, and sat on the living room, closing his eyes and thinking. She was so beautiful, the way her big eyes looked inquisitively at him; the way her skin was so white it resembled porcelain; her long, silky black locks that fell over her shoulders; how her collarbones curved delicately into her shoulders. It filled Kyu Hyun with the same warm feeling he’d felt earlier at the club. The same feeling he got when he saw Rella.
He opened his eyes suddenly and looked around. This actually wasn’t his apartment. He’d never had a TV like that, and his entertainment center was made of a different kind of wood. The walls were painted a soft, pastel pink, whereas Kyu Hyun’s were white. The layout of the house seemed the same, but everything else was different, and now that he was conscious enough to see that, he felt stupid for even thinking this was his apartment.
So…whose was it? Did it belong to the girl in the shower? Probably. Then why was he here? He thought on it for a minute, ignoring the pounding in his brain, and thought that perhaps Sung Min had paid one of the dancers to take him back to their house. God, he’d kill Sung Min! He closed his eyes again, trying to think of a way to escape, a way to get out of here before the girl got out of the shower, but just as he was about to stand up, he saw someone walk into the living room, a towel in their hair and wearing nothing but boxers. The flush once again found Kyu Hyun’s face when the first thought he had was that it wasn’t just a girl in the shower, but a guy as well, and maybe, just maybe, when he’d gone in to throw up he’d interrupted them. And the girl wasn’t looking at him inquisitively, but annoyed that they would be interrupted in the middle of…
He took a deep breath as the man got closer, and had an apology on the tip of his tongue, but his intake of air brought something other than air with it: the smell of vanilla bean. Kyu Hyun stared, not really sure what to think anymore, and barely registered when the man walked away and returned a minute later with something in his hand.
It was a slow process, but eventually Kyu Hyun came to the realization that there wasn’t two people in the bathroom, just one. And it was a man. It was…
“Well, come on, take it,” he insisted, pushing the glass into Kyu Hyun’s hand, and when he looked down he saw a glass of clear liquid. Vodka? “It’s water, don’t worry.”
Kyu Hyun smiled weakly and drank it quickly, perhaps thinking that by drinking it faster, it would make the knowledge that this man was Rella sink into his brain just a bit sooner. But all it actually did was cause him to choke. He pulled the glass away from his face and sputtered, trying to cough it all out of his throat, and when his air passages were finally cleared he felt the man’s - Rella’s - hand on his back, rubbing his skin through his shirt and telling him to relax. A fluttery feeling started in his stomach at the touches, and he looked into Rella’s eyes. They were dark, like black pearls, but Kyu Hyun could see something in his eyes, something like sadness, like they had a story to tell. He couldn’t pull his eyes away from Rella’s, captivated by their dark depths and the small hint of sadness behind them that made Kyu Hyun’s heart twinge in sympathy.
Rella smiled. “Are you surprised? Rella, the head mistress of Midnight Fantasy, is actually a man. A man that looks pretty good in a dress and heals, I think. But, really, anything looks good on me, right?” He laughed, but Kyu Hyun couldn’t stop staring. “Okay, maybe not the time to joke.” He continued to smile, though, as a thousand thoughts raced through Kyu Hyun’s brain, overwhelming his thought process.
Rella was a man? He didn’t actually have a twin sister he looked incredibly like? Was he really wearing a dress earlier? Because looking at his body now…he was slim and rather on the lean side, but fitting into a corset like that? It must have killed his ribcage…
“Look, I’m going to get some sleep, alright? You’re more than welcome to stay here, if you like.” He smiled, and Kyu Hyun’s heart skipped a beat.
He had nowhere else to go, really. He was pretty much broke, he didn’t have his car or any other means of transportation, and he didn’t want to ask Rella for a ride when he seemed so ready to get some sleep. It took a while, but Kyu Hyun finally decided he had no choice but to stay. What harm could it do, anyway? “Sure. I’ll stay. Not very many other choices, are there?”
The smile on Rella’s face seemed to grow at his words. “Okay. Come on, follow me.” He led Kyu Hyun down the hallway and into the bedroom that Kyu Hyun thought wasn’t supposed to be there when he thought it was his own house, and stood in the doorway while Rella moved around the room, finding a blanket and pillow. “Here, you can use these.” He handed them to Kyu Hyun, who continued to stand in the doorway, suddenly unsure of what he was doing. Did Rella want him to sleep on the couch? Or did he want him to sleep on the floor in here? “Come on, Kyu Hyun.”
He looked up, blushing slightly when he realized it was the first time Rella had used his name, and saw him getting comfortable on a king sized mattress and patting the area next to him, indicating Kyu Hyun should lay down as well. For what felt like the thousandth time tonight, Kyu Hyun’s brain stalled. Okay, so not only did Kyu Hyun wake up in a strangers apartment, vomit up his entire stomach, found out Rella was a man…but now, said man was offering for him to sleep beside him. Thoughts of molestation and rape and violence ran vigorously through his mind, and it was only Rella’s small laugh and reassurance that he wouldn’t do anything without Kyu Hyun’s permission that got him to lay on the edge of the bed, stiff as a board.
“Well…goodnight then.” Rella yawned and Kyu Hyun felt the bed move slightly.
Kyu Hyun tried to mouth a goodnight, but it only came out as whisper. He laid on the bed, trying to get comfortable, but his muscles were so tense they started to shake. Damn his nerves! He tried to control the shaking, but it didn’t help: he was too tense. He felt a comforting hand on his back and turned over quickly, nearly crushing the arm under his weight, and was face to face with Rella, looking once again in those eyes. He tried to find something to say, anything, and the only question that came out of his mouth was, “What’s your real name?”
Rella looked somewhat taken aback and the choice of words, but answered anyway. “Hee Chul. Kim Hee Chul.”
Hee Chul. What a beautiful name. It seemed to fit the man beside him far better than Rella did. He hesitated, trying to think of something else to say. There was so much he wanted to ask, so many things he was curious about, and in the back of his mind he wondered why he cared so much about a man he’d just met a few hours ago. But that didn’t stop his mouth from speaking, nor his brain from being curious. He needed to know what it was about this man that caused the warmth in his chest and the increased beating of his heart. Perhaps it was heartburn. “Why…why do you dress like a girl at the club? And…” He wanted to tack on one more question before his first could get answered. “Are all the girls there guys, too?”
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Hee Chul laughed at the question. How innocent and naïve this boy was. And how sweet. He smiled again, something he found himself doing genuinely a lot more since he’d met this boy, and answered him. “Don’t worry. All the girls there are one hundred percent girl. And don’t worry, I don’t perform. I’m the head mistress, I take care of the girls and watch over the place. Besides the fact that I think men wouldn’t exactly want me up there taking my clothes off when they’re there to see breasts anyway.” He laughed again and saw something like relief crossed his face, and he smiled back. Hee Chul felt a sudden rush of affection for him and wanted to just pull him close and hold him tightly.
“But, Hee Chul,” he said, and the name sounded awkward on his tongue, as though he was still getting used to the feel of it in his mouth, “why do you dress as a girl? Is it because…” He flushed again. “Are you gay?”
Normally Hee Chul would have been offended - how dare anyone assume that! - but he realized it was purely out of curiosity, not as an offensive statement. Hee Chul answered, telling him that, no, he wasn’t gay. There was another reason for dressing like a woman.
Those memories, though, were a lot more painful to remember, and Hee Chul couldn’t suppress a sigh when he started his story.
“When I was a kid, probably since I was born, my mother thought that I was so beautiful, I was meant to be a girl instead of a boy. She said that I was too beautiful to be a man, and that God got mixed up when he made me and put me in a boys body instead of a girls. My mother had…well, she was mentally ill. It wasn’t too bad at first, but it progressively got worse the older I got until it eventually killed her.
“It made her happy to be able to put me in dresses and call me her little girl, though, so I let her. If it made my mother happy, I’d do anything for her. Anything to be able to see her happy. I loved her.” He took a deep breath, already feeling the tears in his eyes. “But my father hated us both. He blamed my mother for having a son that looked like a girl. He would yell at my mom, calling her stupid and childish, and called me a stupid plaything and a fag, not good for anything other than being my mother’s personal doll. The words hurt, but…but it made my mother happy, so I continued to let her. She had such a beautiful smile, a radiant smile that could light up a room. It killed me inside to see my mother being punished for something that she couldn’t understand, you know? She was going crazy, and the only thing that made her happy anymore was me being her little girl.” A tear slipped out the corner of his eye and down his cheek, and Kyu Hyun lifted his hand and gently wiped it off with his thumb, surprising Hee Chul, but not deterring him from his story.
“My mother died when I was 13 and a year later, I couldn’t take my father’s neglect anymore, and I ran away from home. I just packed my things and left. I found a strip club a couple towns over, and I applied as a bartender. I worked like that for a while, then skipped town there, bought a bunch of girls clothes, came here, and opened Midnight Fantasy. It took a long time to get everything underway and to get the establishment ready for business, but in the three years since I opened it, it’s become a huge business.
“But, the reason I continue to dress as a girl is because…because it used to make my mom so happy. I would do anything to see her smile again, and when I wear dresses, it reminds me of her smile and how happy she was when she could call me her little girl.” Another tears slipped down his face, but he didn’t seem to notice it. Instead he noticed that Kyu Hyun suddenly had his hand over his eyes and was shaking with silent tears.
“What’s wrong?” Hee Chul didn’t know what to do. It was painful for him to talk about his past, but for Kyu Hyun to be crying more than he was…he just couldn’t grasp this concept that someone else was feeling sadness for him. “Kyu Hyun, what is it?”
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There he went saying his name again and making his heart beat faster.
Why was he crying? Because Hee Chul, who hadn’t even known him before five o’clock that afternoon, had spilled his innermost secrets, his childhood, the driving reason behind dressing like a girl.
“That’s not fair,” he managed to get out once his tears began to recede, “You told me something so personal, and all I’ve done is throw up in your bathroom.”
“Well, I felt like that was a very personal experience,” Hee Chul replied with a small laugh, but Kyu Hyun just shook his head.
“Why did you tell me all that?”
Hee Chul shrugged as best he could while laying on his side. “Because you asked. But, if you’re so set on it not being fair, why not tell me about you? I noticed in the club that you two called each other friends, but he wasted no time in leaving you alone and uncomfortable. Tell me, Kyu Hyun, what is it that makes you two such good friends?”
Kyu Hyun wiped the last few tears off his face and sniffed a few times before finding his voice. “Well…I guess…from the beginning, right?” Hee Chul nodded. “Okay. Well…my parents never really loved me. It felt that way, anyway. They were always so busy with work that it seemed like I was just in their way. I remember how rushed it was when my parents would drop me off at school then go off to their job. Sometimes they forgot to pick me up, and the school had to call them for them to remember.
“The only thing my father cared about when it came to me was my education. He always told me that making friends was a mistake and that they were less than we were because they didn’t care about their education. He made me care, though. Whenever I mentioned friends, he told me to stop seeing them and to keep studying. He used to tell me that the only way a man would have a good, secure future is to have a degree and a job, and playtime was a waste. When I got to high school, no one spoke to me because I advanced quicker than they did. I graduated college at 16, then was home schooled by a private tutor for two years before going to a real university. I never had friends, though. I only had my books and my education for company.
“When I got into college, I had a class with Sung Min, and he just sort of…latched onto me.” A small smile crossed his lips at the memory. “It was the first time I felt real happiness, because I finally had a friend. No matter what I did, I couldn’t lose him. Even when I was rude to him, he just asked me what was wrong in his bouncy, bubbly manner until I was happy again. We had just enough in common that we were friends and could hang out with each other, and honestly, I loved the attention. Whenever I was around, he would call for me and run to catch up. At first I thought he was making fun of me, or trying to find a way to embarrass me, but he really did care. He really wanted to be my friend.” He held his smile for a moment longer, but it faded ever so slightly when he continued. “He was so catchy with the girls, though. He could get any girl he wanted, and I just…couldn’t. They all only saw Sung Min.”
“Oh, bullshit,” Hee Chul interjected, cutting him off. “You’re so cute, I bet you could have any girl you wanted. I’m sure most of the girls actually wanted you.”
Kyu Hyun laughed, but his smile turned sad. “There was one girl that actually talked to me and flirted with me, but she was doing it to get close to Sung Min.” His voice cracked, and he couldn’t speak anymore. He felt so pathetic telling him all of this. He was a failure at life, and the only thing keeping him going was his studies and Sung Min’s friendship.
Hee Chul touched Kyu Hyun’s cheek, caressing it gently before leaning over and kissing the pale flesh. “It’s alright, don’t worry.”
The warm feeling once again spread through his body, and the light kiss on his cheek didn’t make him angry at all. It didn’t feel like an invasion of personal space, or a hint that his story was boring and that they should just have sex or shut up. It was a comforting kiss that made Kyu Hyun’s stomach tighten nervously. “I think Sung Min is going to have all the love in life. I’m never going to find it because my love is my books. That’s what I’m reduced to. I’m never going to know what love it, or how beautiful it is to have someone by your side that loves you forever.”
Hee Chul’s fingers found his cheek again, and once again leaned over to kiss him, this time on the lips. It was longer, deeper, filled with something that Kyu Hyun might have described as passion if he’d truly understood the meaning of the word. It made him feel like his body was made of air, like he was floating, and he thought it was the most wonderful feeling he’d ever had the fortune of feeling. Hee Chul pulled away before Kyu Hyun was ready, and the younger boy softly bit the older boy’s lower lip, trying to get him to kiss him again.
Hee Chul smiled. “If you want, Kyu Hyun, I can show you what love is like and how beautiful it can be.”
Kyu Hyun hadn’t quite recovered from his weightless feeling, and it took a few seconds for the implications of his words to sink into his brain. “Will…will it hurt?” His mind tried to form a picture of how they’d do it, but he came up with a blank.
“Love, Kyu Hyun, is a give and take relationship, and yes, sometimes it will hurt, but if you cherish it with all your might, with everything you are, then that love you have will always be with you. It will never leave you because if you’re willing to give your all, then that special someone that’s earned your love will do the same for you.”
“Do you love me, Hee Chul?” he asked.
“As much as I’ve loved anything in my life.” He pulled Kyu Hyun into another kiss, his hand sliding behind his neck to bring him closer. Kyu Hyun was tense at first, not knowing exactly what he was doing since his kissing experience was limited, but slowly, with the help of Hee Chul’s soft lips, he relaxed, allowing the older boy’s tongue to slip between his lips and begin softly exploring his mouth. He felt his face get hotter at the light touches, at the feel of their tongues pressing against each other, and let out a small noise somewhere between a whimper and a moan. Hee Chul pulled away briefly, giving Kyu Hyun a chance to take in a breath before taking his mouth with his again. Slowly, Hee Chul maneuvered himself until Kyu Hyun was on his back and he was holding himself up over his body, not once breaking the contact of their mouths, and ran his hand down Kyu Hyun’s arm until he found his hand and interlaced their fingers briefly. Slim fingers held slightly smaller ones, squeezing them affectionately before moving to Kyu Hyun’s stomach, pushing his shirt up to his neck.
Kyu Hyun felt the warm lips of Hee Chul leave his and trail down to his collar bones, just beneath where the shirt was bunched at his neck, and down to his nipple. Teeth grazed across the sensitive flesh, and Kyu Hyun, who had never once experienced this sensation, let out a gasp, feeling his body get warmer at the enticing touches, wanting more but his brain not functioning well enough to ask. All he could manage was a whimper of Hee Chul’s name as the kisses moved across his chest, eliciting another gasp as the other tender spot was taken into Hee Chul’s mouth and teased with his teeth and tongue. The warm touches left his body and moved back to his mouth, landing small kisses on his lower lip and biting it gently.
Somehow he managed to lift his arms, and soon his shirt was on the floor and Hee Chul was sitting back on Kyu Hyun’s thighs, his fingertips tracing the contours of the younger boy’s muscles as they led down into his jeans. His mind suddenly snapped out of his reverie of ecstasy and began thinking of how exactly they would do it. He’d never had sex before, never thought of doing it with a guy, and now all he could think of were Sung Min’s porn tapes that Kyu Hyun had glimpsed him watching on more than one occasion. It was usually a guy and a girl, or sometimes there was more than just one girl, and it always involved lots of moaning and screaming and strange positions that made Kyu Hyun wonder if every girl in those tapes were contortionists. He thought of how the girls would throw their hair around and how the guys would sometimes tie the girls to the bedposts and whip them.
His eyes widened at the thought of the things that they might do in bed. Would Hee Chul tie him to the bedposts and blindfold him, then whip him until Kyu Hyun screamed his name? He had no pain tolerance, he didn’t think he could take a beating of any kind, much less with a leather whip. Would he want him to do oral on him? He had no clue how to do anything like that! And how would Kyu Hyun get his legs in those weird positions like the girls did? He was athletic, but there was only so far his legs could stretch. Was this how Sung Min did it? Did he tie the girls to the bedposts? Did he make them go in weird positions? Did he pull their hair, and make them be on top and call him cowboy? He’d seen that in one of the unfortunate times he’d stayed with Sung Min and woken up in the middle of the night, and Kyu Hyun hoped the Hee Chul wouldn’t want any of those things because he barely had his shirt off and already couldn’t say anything but incoherent babble and moaned words.
Hee Chul’s hand caressed Kyu Hyun’s face, brushing his hair back. “What’s wrong? What are you thinking about that’s making you look so scared?”
“Maybe…maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…” Kyu Hyun said, sitting up and meeting Hee Chul’s bare shoulder in front of him. “I don’t think I’m ready.”
“Whatever it was you were thinking about that put that expression on your face,” he replied, kissing his cheek, “it won’t be like that. I can make it be as gentle as you want, and we can skip all pretenses of foreplay and just get to it. I promise, it’ll be okay.” He smiled reassuringly, and Kyu Hyun felt like he could believe him.
Kyu Hyun licked his lips and looked into Hee Chul’s eyes. “How…how are we going to do it?”
“However you want.”
“But like…how? I’m not a girl, I don’t have…” His blush returned, though he doubted that it ever really left. “I mean, where will you…uh…”
A soft laugh escaped Hee Chul, but not a derogatory laugh that made Kyu Hyun feel stupid. It was gentle and sweet, as though Hee Chul merely wanted to lighten the situation and make Kyu Hyun relax. It worked. “Don’t worry, I’ll show you. When two guys do it, there’s a place for everything.”
“And it’ll hurt?”
“Just a little, but it’ll be quick, okay?”
Kyu Hyun nodded and allowed Hee Chul to push him back to the bed, waiting for the action to commence. Hee Chul slowly worked his jeans down his legs, his boxers following shortly after, leaving Kyu Hyun naked, embarrassed and self-conscious on Hee Chul’s bed. Surely he wasn’t what he was expecting. Surely he was going to laugh at his body and tell him that there was nothing he could do for him, but instead he felt another kiss on his cheek and Hee Chul whisper in his ear that he was beautiful. His eyes opened, and he saw the older boy reach into his nightstand drawer and pull out a bottle of clear liquid.
“Wh-what…” Kyu Hyun’s mind raced once again. What was in the bottle? Was he going to drug him? He knew LSD was a clear liquid that could induce hallucinations in whoever took it. Was he going to make him hallucinate? Oh, what was he getting himself into…
“Relax, Kyu Hyun. It’s lubricant. It’ll just make it easier.”
Oh. Maybe he’d have to actually start trusting this man when it came to things like this. He did know more about it than Kyu Hyun did. He watched him unscrew the lid and pour some in his hands, but turned away embarrassed when Hee Chul started lathering himself in it, deciding instead to wonder where his boxers had gone, and when they had left his body. It was only a minute later, though, he felt him reposition himself over Kyu Hyun, lifting the younger boys legs until his hips rested on Hee Chul’s thighs, and closed his eyes, bracing himself as he finally realized exactly where things went when two guys did it.
“Are you sure you want this?” Hee Chul asked, one hand leaving his hip and resting on the underside of his thigh, spreading his legs slightly.
Kyu Hyun could only nod, keeping his eyes closed, and felt Hee Chul press slowly into him. He cried out at the pain, biting his lip, and felt a tear slip out of his eye, but told Hee Chul in a pained gasp to just keep going. He wasn’t sure how long it took until Hee Chul was finally all the way inside, but by the time he stopped moving, Kyu Hyun had bitten his lip so hard, a drop of blood slid down his chin. His breathing was staggered, and it took several long minutes before he could breathe properly again.
“It’s okay, Kyu Hyun, just tell me when you think it’s okay to keep going.” He kissed his lip softly, licking away the trail of blood, then sat back, waiting for the younger boy to be comfortable enough to continue.
He nodded and finally opened his eyes, looking up into Hee Chul’s, and gave him a faint signal that he was ready, but his eyes closed again when he pulled out just as slowly as he pushed in. It took a few long, slow strokes for Kyu Hyun to feel comfortable with the invasion on his body, and in fact began to really like it. The pain soon left his body to be replaced with pleasure, and Hee Chul leaned forward, bracing himself on his elbows and knees over Kyu Hyun.
“Is it alright?”
Kyu Hyun gripped the sheets in his fists and nodded, a moan escaping his throat as Hee Chul pressed back in. “F-faster…” He wasn’t sure why he wanted him to go faster, but the word was out of his mouth before he could stop it, and he felt a kiss on his nose and Hee Chul pull out and thrust in faster than before, causing Kyu Hyun to gasp sharply and arch a few inches off the bed. Over and over their hips met in strong strokes, Kyu Hyun gasping every time, and his hands unconsciously found Hee Chul’s shoulders and held them tightly in his sweat-slicked fingers.
“You’re doing great,” Hee Chul whispered in his ear, his own breath somewhat short.
“Th-thanks…” Kyu Hyun wasn’t sure if he was supposed to respond at all, but again, the word was out before he could stop it. He felt a warm hand lift his leg higher, and Hee Chul pressed in further, bringing them as close as possible, and Kyu Hyun moaned loudly. He wished it could go on forever, that they could stay joined forever like this, locked in ecstasy and each other’s embrace, and somewhere amidst the increasing thrusts and ragged breathing, he felt himself falling in love with Hee Chul. He thought of asking if maybe they could be together, like, in a relationship, but then thought that maybe it wouldn’t work out. They were too different, had such different lifestyles and habits. Hee Chul owned and worked in a strip club and Kyu Hyun was studying to be a doctor. There was no way two polar opposites such as themselves could be together, no matter how much they loved each other. He was sure that he would just get in Hee Chul’s way.
He wondered if Hee Chul loved him, too.
A hand suddenly traveled down Kyu Hyun’s stomach, over his hips and to his manhood, wrapping around it and pumping it up and down in time with their rhythmic thrusts, and Kyu Hyun threw his head back on the pillow, grinding his teeth together as he felt it about to happen. His hips jerked involuntarily up into the older boy’s hand as another thrust sent Hee Chul deeper inside Kyu Hyun. Another thrust, harder than the last, sent Kyu Hyun over the edge and he came hard in Hee Chul’s hand, his muscles tensing with release, and just one thrust later Hee Chul finished as well, his body pressing into Kyu Hyun’s as he filled him with his own hot liquid. Breathing heavily, Hee Chul pulled out and laid down on Kyu Hyun’s chest, kissing his neck and stroking his arm.
“Was that so bad?”
Kyu Hyun rested his hand weakly on Hee Chul’s back, and closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. “No, it was…it was…”
“Come on, you can say it. ‘Amazing.’” He laughed softly, his breath warm against Kyu Hyun’s collarbones.
Kyu Hyun opened his eyes and smiled. “Amazing.” He frowned, though, trying to move his body under Hee Chul’s and feeling pain shoot up his spine. “I’m a bit sore though.”
“Well, that’s to be expected. It’ll be better next time, though. I promise.”
Another of his promises, but this one caught him off guard by what he meant with those words, ‘next time.’ “You mean…” He looked into Hee Chul’s eyes, trying to confirm if what he thought he was saying was true. “You mean…you want to see me again?”
Another of his beautiful smiles crossed his lips. “Of course.”
“B-but…but I thought that because of my school, and your work, and…and…won’t I just be in the way? Won’t I just be a hassle?”
“Kyu Hyun, I…” He sighed, lifting himself up on his elbows again. “I can’t explain why, but I think I love you. I’ve never felt this way about another person, and I’m not going to let you go until I know it can’t work out, because if I let you go without at least trying it, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. And maybe we’re two completely different people with completely different interests, but that means we can learn a lot from each other. Sorry if I sound cheesy and stupid, but I’m not willing to let you leave without either you saying you don’t want to be with me, or until we hate each other so much we want to tear each other’s eyes out. So, Kyu Hyun, what is it?”
So, Hee Chul loved him back. Kyu Hyun’s heart pounded in his chest at the words, the sound resounding in his ears and drowning out the rest of the world. Was he going to turn down Hee Chul’s offer? Absolutely not. Here was the love he’d been looking for, the love he never thought he’d find. It was exactly as Hee Chul just said: he wasn’t going to let him go until he knew it wouldn’t work out.
He smiled, running his hand through the older boy’s long, silky black locks of hair, damp from sweat and matted to the sides of his face, and rested his fingers on his cheek. His forefinger traced the curve of his upper lip before pulling him down into another kiss, deeper and filled with emotion that had only been faintly there before, then placed his lips next to his ear and whispered “You’re the first person to ever truly make me smile. So of course I’d love to stay with you, Hee Chul. I love you.”
----------------------
Kyu Hyun sat in the passenger’s side of the car, talking animatedly to Hee Chul, who was driving him home after another one of their weekend get-together’s that had to sadly end early because Hee Chul had to go to work. Kyu Hyun was always sad to have to leave early, but that’s how it was on the weekends. During the week, on Hee Chul’s days off, they would spend the night together, watching movies or driving around together or going out to eat, inevitably ending up at home to usually make love to each other for the rest of the evening. They had been together for six months, and Kyu Hyun knew that even though he was still embarrassed to be flirty or talk dirty, he was still making Hee Chul happy.
Their weekend dates were reserved to simply going out and getting to know more about each other, talking about their lives more, things they like and dislike, places they wanted to visit in the future. Kyu Hyun was surprised to learn that Hee Chul had always dreamt of visiting Australia and trying to get a tan, and he thought perhaps he’d surprised Hee Chul when he said he’d always wanted to do those crazy stunts people do on TV, like sky dive and hang glide. Every time they saw each other, Kyu Hyun felt himself falling more and more in love with the older boy, and was glad he didn’t pass up the opportunity to go to the night club on his birthday.
Hee Chul had decided to let Kyu Hyun tell Sung Min about him, and also about their relationship, but Kyu Hyun decided the latter could be revealed later. He had a certainly good time telling him about ‘Rella’s’ identity, though.
“So, Kyu Hyun, you didn’t get home until late this morning. Did you stay with Rella?” Sung Min nudged Kyu Hyun’s elbow on the long table in their biology class they were sitting at.
“Yeah. Rella’s really nice, y’know?” He didn’t look up from his paper, continuing to write the notes from the book so he could study that night.
“Yeah? So, what happened?” Another nudge, and Kyu Hyun had to fight the smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth.
“Well. We had sex.”
“I knew it! What was it like? Was it so good? God, do you know how many men would envy you if they knew? Rella never sleeps with anyone from the club! Man, I bet it was awesome. Was it so awesome? Tell me all about it!”
Kyu Hyun tried harder to suppress the smile, but he couldn’t. He let it grow on his face as he continued with his notes. “Yeah, it was pretty good. I mean, I don’t know exactly what it’s supposed to feel like, but for my first time, it was pretty awesome. You know, I never thought it would take me this long to get laid,” he said, setting his pencil down and stretching a bit, “and I never thought it would be with a man.”
Hee Chul had laughed when Kyu Hyun explained how he’d told Sung Min, saying that there could have been no better way to go about it. But he wanted to wait on telling him about their relationship. To Kyu Hyun, it was something special that he didn’t want anyone else knowing about just yet, just in case things went bad and they wound up breaking it off. He knew he would tell him at some point, he just wasn’t sure when - probably in the next month or two - but until then it was just their secret. Something that Kyu Hyun had that his father couldn’t take away, Sung Min hadn’t forced him into, and he himself had found, and to him, nothing else was as good as that..