On Discouragement

[ragnvaeig]

I had a discussion with a friend about a particular prospect who is currently considering dedicating himself to religious path that's at least very similar to the one I've chosen. Without having any real information on said prospect's level of commitment, to me this person seems to have an incomplete understanding of what this particular deity

Comments

To Discourage or Encourage?

[dragonhearth]

I don't discourage, but I do want to know if the person seeking my coven, for example, has done their homework. They may ask to join my coven but have no idea what they are asking. I ask, "Have you read my coven's website?" If the answer is no, I tell them to read it and get back to me with questions. The site itself is a bit elitist snobby, so that helps me weed out people who have no idea that this is a Great Work and not just a social club.

I do encourage seekers to check out the local social scene, meet other people, and hang out for a while and eventually as people get to know them and if they ask, they may get invited to private ceremonies and get to know some of the local groups better that way. Otherwise, there are all these classes and public ceremonies you can attend.

I want people who seek my coven to know that they need to get along with everyone in the group and it's THEIR job to come to some of my coven's gatherings so that they can be known to the coven. We decide by consensus to admit Novices into the coven for training so everyone's opinion is important not just mine as the HPS.

Once in a while I have members who decide it's not right for them and they do tend to weed themselves out by dropping out or asking to leave. Rarely have I had to tell someone they are on the wrong path for them.

The commitment I see is from people who despite all the requirements keep asking, and keep coming to things. Persistence and consistence do pay off.

There have been a few people with mental issues or issues with some of the existing coven members and I have told them that they would likely not be a great fit with our coven because "you had a bad break up with X and he's now married to Y.."

Hope that answers your inquiry.

Re: To Discourage or Encourage?

[ragnvaeig]

I've likened joining any group to a blind date for all involved, so that makes sense.

If someone were to ignore blithely your request to know what your group's mission statement is and still be interested in joining, would you simply not vote to admit them?

Re: To Discourage or Encourage?

[dragonhearth]

We don't vote, we use consensus. However there is more of a process than that. I have an orientation meeting where we outline the 4 years and what is required of the novice, then Initiate, then 2nd and 3rd Degrees. Before they make it to an orientation meeting I do some of that one on one with them and then tell them if they are still interested to get back to me at the time of year when we take on students. We take an application from them which has a number of questions they need to answer. Then the applications go with us to our coven's annual retreat and we decide on the member then. Usually someone who makes it as far as an application form is going to be approved. But the discouraging part is the honesty we give about the level of commitment required to become a part of the coven.

Re: To Discourage or Encourage?

[dragonhearth]

I don't think I answered your question. If they ignored my request to read the coven website, which has some information about joining the coven on it.. they would then hear what is on the website (and much more) in a one on one orientation discussion.

I have actually discouraged someone from applying once or twice when I knew they were not a proper person. I told one person who kept asking that I did not want them to have too many problems as a result of their studying Craft. And "things" happen to people who choose to do this. So if they are not firmly grounded, ie, have a good job, a secure home life, etc, the upheaval that takes place when studying seriously can really mess their life up and can end up in them not being able to complete their training. I did discourage that person, and they went OFF on us and I was glad I had not gotten further in the application process with them.

Re: To Discourage or Encourage?

[ragnvaeig]

I'm pretty sure I'd be glad about that, too.

"Ability to handle the lifestyle change" seems to be a common criterion. Interesting. Thank you.