My pathetic life
This whole laying around sick thing the past day and 1/2 has really given me time to think about alot of stuff, and to realize alot. I live one boring pathetic life lately!
Since my whole 1-2 months of horse crazyness trying to sell and sell them off and becoming completely wrapped up in that issue, I became so busy that I started a trend of rarely going out.
Now with all that crazy business to an end and me quitting at the stables (like I got enough hours for a decent paycheck since Internationals anyways) I've had more time to myself, but yet I'm still not going out. The sad part, I find this confusing and some what pathetically hilarious. I spend my days waking up at around 10am, taking care of the horses and dogs, then spending the rest of the day doing chores, redecorating my room, or cooking. Only to then at 8pm go back outside to take care of the horses once again. Then seeing as I rarely go out, I continue to sit around at night watching Adult Swim till the wee hours of the night and then falling asleep and waking up to do the whole same bloody routine over again. Man, I'm pathetic. I feel like a housewife, except minus the part of getting married and popping out a few kids. Hell I haven't even thought about a relationship since the Sale.
On weekends lately you'll usually find me either sitting around watching a movie, trying to accomplish some artwork, or sleeping my boredum away. The only rare time I go out is with Deana. (the one person in this town, out of the tons of friends I supposedly have, that seems to realize that, yes I am still alive) Thanks to Deana I have not pulled my hair out in cabin fever.
In the last month, or so, I've gone to I believe 2 concerts (both with Deana may I add) where many people I know will come running up to me screaming "Oh my God, Heather!! I missed you! Where have you been? What's up?" and I usually smile and give some quick answer, when really I want to scream at them saying "I've been here the whole damn time! And if you truely missed me maybe you'd call or hang out with me some time!" But I don't because I know it's not these people's fault, I don't expect them to base thier lives around me.
A part of me has got used to this whole solitary confinement side to me, but a huge part is going nuts wanting to be out and about. I know I don't want to be like before, going out everynight till the wee hours, never getting anytime to myself. But it would be nice if I could just get away from my parents once and a while. I wouldn't care if it'd be parties, concert's, movies, or just sitting around talking. I'd be away from my parents, who by the way I have noticed every annoying little quirk in the past couple of weeks and are driving me insane. The only person, other then Deana who seems to give me the time of day and will talk to me every once in a while is Sarah. Which is rather sad might I add because she's thousands of miles away in Russia. But it is also really uplifting, to see that someone can be so far away and experiencing a new life but still find time every week to check in and see how I'm doing. ( Capa, I LUV YA!!) Once in a great while I'll get lucky and get a hold of Cassy, but only over the phone. We'll talk for a couple of minutes and that's it. It's short and not completely a blast, but it's nice to know she still cares.
I guess I really don't know why I'm writing this, probably just venting. But announcing on the internet that I have no social life, is pretty sad. Who cares though? The only person I'm sure about who actually reads this is Sarah. The one thing that's totally erked me lately too is the people who say they're going to hang out with you or make plans with you, and then completely go back on thier word.
I don't hate people for saying 'Aww, I'm sorry Heather, we should totally hang out soon" and then never calling or not another word. They have thier own lives, and busy schedules. But if you really don't mean it, don't say it, I'll totally be able to tell if you really mean it or are just saying it because you feel sorry for me. Plus don't feel sorry for me, it's my own fault, I lost touch during the whole horse selling-ness.
The one thing though that drives me batty. Making plans and ditching, (ie. Jill) I call the girl up and tell her about a letter I recieved from Clint. We start talking and catching up, and she goes on how she misses me and wants to hang out and go out to dinner. I agree and that's that. Friday comes and I'm getting ready and stuff. And holy amazement Jill doesn't call or doesn't answer her phone. A part of me knows I shouldn't have counted on her actually showing up. She's so screwed up lately, even talking to her the day before she was so fried she could barely carry on conversation. I just find it really pathetic, but oh well. It's on her karma not mine.
But I'm gonna end this now, all this pissing and moaning has made me feel bad/angery/dumb.
Since my whole 1-2 months of horse crazyness trying to sell and sell them off and becoming completely wrapped up in that issue, I became so busy that I started a trend of rarely going out.
Now with all that crazy business to an end and me quitting at the stables (like I got enough hours for a decent paycheck since Internationals anyways) I've had more time to myself, but yet I'm still not going out. The sad part, I find this confusing and some what pathetically hilarious. I spend my days waking up at around 10am, taking care of the horses and dogs, then spending the rest of the day doing chores, redecorating my room, or cooking. Only to then at 8pm go back outside to take care of the horses once again. Then seeing as I rarely go out, I continue to sit around at night watching Adult Swim till the wee hours of the night and then falling asleep and waking up to do the whole same bloody routine over again. Man, I'm pathetic. I feel like a housewife, except minus the part of getting married and popping out a few kids. Hell I haven't even thought about a relationship since the Sale.
On weekends lately you'll usually find me either sitting around watching a movie, trying to accomplish some artwork, or sleeping my boredum away. The only rare time I go out is with Deana. (the one person in this town, out of the tons of friends I supposedly have, that seems to realize that, yes I am still alive) Thanks to Deana I have not pulled my hair out in cabin fever.
In the last month, or so, I've gone to I believe 2 concerts (both with Deana may I add) where many people I know will come running up to me screaming "Oh my God, Heather!! I missed you! Where have you been? What's up?" and I usually smile and give some quick answer, when really I want to scream at them saying "I've been here the whole damn time! And if you truely missed me maybe you'd call or hang out with me some time!" But I don't because I know it's not these people's fault, I don't expect them to base thier lives around me.
A part of me has got used to this whole solitary confinement side to me, but a huge part is going nuts wanting to be out and about. I know I don't want to be like before, going out everynight till the wee hours, never getting anytime to myself. But it would be nice if I could just get away from my parents once and a while. I wouldn't care if it'd be parties, concert's, movies, or just sitting around talking. I'd be away from my parents, who by the way I have noticed every annoying little quirk in the past couple of weeks and are driving me insane. The only person, other then Deana who seems to give me the time of day and will talk to me every once in a while is Sarah. Which is rather sad might I add because she's thousands of miles away in Russia. But it is also really uplifting, to see that someone can be so far away and experiencing a new life but still find time every week to check in and see how I'm doing. ( Capa, I LUV YA!!) Once in a great while I'll get lucky and get a hold of Cassy, but only over the phone. We'll talk for a couple of minutes and that's it. It's short and not completely a blast, but it's nice to know she still cares.
I guess I really don't know why I'm writing this, probably just venting. But announcing on the internet that I have no social life, is pretty sad. Who cares though? The only person I'm sure about who actually reads this is Sarah. The one thing that's totally erked me lately too is the people who say they're going to hang out with you or make plans with you, and then completely go back on thier word.
I don't hate people for saying 'Aww, I'm sorry Heather, we should totally hang out soon" and then never calling or not another word. They have thier own lives, and busy schedules. But if you really don't mean it, don't say it, I'll totally be able to tell if you really mean it or are just saying it because you feel sorry for me. Plus don't feel sorry for me, it's my own fault, I lost touch during the whole horse selling-ness.
The one thing though that drives me batty. Making plans and ditching, (ie. Jill) I call the girl up and tell her about a letter I recieved from Clint. We start talking and catching up, and she goes on how she misses me and wants to hang out and go out to dinner. I agree and that's that. Friday comes and I'm getting ready and stuff. And holy amazement Jill doesn't call or doesn't answer her phone. A part of me knows I shouldn't have counted on her actually showing up. She's so screwed up lately, even talking to her the day before she was so fried she could barely carry on conversation. I just find it really pathetic, but oh well. It's on her karma not mine.
But I'm gonna end this now, all this pissing and moaning has made me feel bad/angery/dumb.