Senioritis: infection of the senior
I had a great morning. From the time that I got to talk to len until lunch was fantastic. I FINALLY got my storytelling down to time. that really excites me. everything was going well.
then lunch came. and it bothers me enough come home after drama and have to vent.
we got into a discussion about about how amanda had a romance novel stuck up her ass. and she retaliated by calling me a fatalist, which is fine, we argue about that sort of thing all the time. then nikki wanted us to explain each point of view. she agreed that i was practical. half the table got involved. nicole and amanda were fighting with me about thomas. they tell me that if you care about somebody you try to make things work. you don't give up. i shouldn't plan to break up with him before college, it isn't right. if i really love him i wouldn't think that way. i shouldn't want to have any other experience in the dating world. i should be blissfully unaware of reality. RIGHT. what the hell do they know about Thomas and I? They sure as fuck shouldn't have been lecturing me about how to live my life. It is MY relationship. I'll handle it the way i feel apropriate. They think that because we don't neccessarily want to have to break up that we shouldn't. life doesn't work that way! people break up because they have to. or because they want to. then amanda starts getting all passionate about it, making obvious references to what chuck did to her and trying to compare me to him. fuck that. i'm not cheating on thomas. far from it. she can go be righteous somewhere else. chuck was right to break up with her. if he didn't care about her he had no business calling himself her boyfriend. I'm NOT fucking setting a date for my break up. I accepted this a long time ago, before y'all fucking cared that I had feelings for him. I'm sorry that you feel i should drag the relationship to the very end, but it doesn't change ME. I know what i want, what's good for Thomas and I. I've done the distance. I can't and won't do it again. I fucking refuse to be that unhappy again. That's not giving up on a working relationship, that's knowing my own boundries. i won't have time to see him at college. who says we'll even make it that long in the first place. and with all the new people, it makes sense for us to see other people. YES, people SHOULD break up if they want to see other people. I'm young. I shouldn't have to get engaged to him just because I love him. I have the freedom to love him in my own way for as much time as i want to. so butt out. you can take your frivolous ideals and live for them. i'm in a real relationship, one that i've been building since may of 8th grade. there are so many facets to thomas and I. Y'all will just have to accept the fact that the two of us know what we're doing. we can handle it.
on a less pissed off note, i'm struggling to keep up in school right now. just can't take my classes seriously. Except math, which i'm behind in because i suck.
back on a pissed off note, since i already ranted about friends... i used to have this parking spot. it was sorta a tradition that my sister passed down to me to park there every day. since i'm not in chorale anymore it was harder to get the spot. i talked to the members who parked there. anthony and maggie agreed to pick different spots, they understood. but nicool thought it'd be funny to purposefully park there. it was funny once, twice, maybe even three times. but she started parking there every day, just to piss me off. and i wasn't angry... just really upset. i mean, that was my thing. nicool wouldn't have liked it if i stole her flour and hid it before the halftime show. she'd be really upset. not because flour is important, but its the principle of the matter. it was the same way with my parking spot. and i just stopped expecting to park there, until the magic of it wore off. and it's a stupid thing to cry about, but i'm pretty close right now. now, even when the spot is open to park in, there's nothing special about it. and it upsets me.
carlotta is dying. in fact, i bet she's dead now, but i didn't go upstairs to check because i don't want to have to take care of her. i know i wasn't the best pet owner, but i loved those fish. and now i never want to have fish again.
i think i'm emotionally drained now. so... yeah.
then lunch came. and it bothers me enough come home after drama and have to vent.
we got into a discussion about about how amanda had a romance novel stuck up her ass. and she retaliated by calling me a fatalist, which is fine, we argue about that sort of thing all the time. then nikki wanted us to explain each point of view. she agreed that i was practical. half the table got involved. nicole and amanda were fighting with me about thomas. they tell me that if you care about somebody you try to make things work. you don't give up. i shouldn't plan to break up with him before college, it isn't right. if i really love him i wouldn't think that way. i shouldn't want to have any other experience in the dating world. i should be blissfully unaware of reality. RIGHT. what the hell do they know about Thomas and I? They sure as fuck shouldn't have been lecturing me about how to live my life. It is MY relationship. I'll handle it the way i feel apropriate. They think that because we don't neccessarily want to have to break up that we shouldn't. life doesn't work that way! people break up because they have to. or because they want to. then amanda starts getting all passionate about it, making obvious references to what chuck did to her and trying to compare me to him. fuck that. i'm not cheating on thomas. far from it. she can go be righteous somewhere else. chuck was right to break up with her. if he didn't care about her he had no business calling himself her boyfriend. I'm NOT fucking setting a date for my break up. I accepted this a long time ago, before y'all fucking cared that I had feelings for him. I'm sorry that you feel i should drag the relationship to the very end, but it doesn't change ME. I know what i want, what's good for Thomas and I. I've done the distance. I can't and won't do it again. I fucking refuse to be that unhappy again. That's not giving up on a working relationship, that's knowing my own boundries. i won't have time to see him at college. who says we'll even make it that long in the first place. and with all the new people, it makes sense for us to see other people. YES, people SHOULD break up if they want to see other people. I'm young. I shouldn't have to get engaged to him just because I love him. I have the freedom to love him in my own way for as much time as i want to. so butt out. you can take your frivolous ideals and live for them. i'm in a real relationship, one that i've been building since may of 8th grade. there are so many facets to thomas and I. Y'all will just have to accept the fact that the two of us know what we're doing. we can handle it.
on a less pissed off note, i'm struggling to keep up in school right now. just can't take my classes seriously. Except math, which i'm behind in because i suck.
back on a pissed off note, since i already ranted about friends... i used to have this parking spot. it was sorta a tradition that my sister passed down to me to park there every day. since i'm not in chorale anymore it was harder to get the spot. i talked to the members who parked there. anthony and maggie agreed to pick different spots, they understood. but nicool thought it'd be funny to purposefully park there. it was funny once, twice, maybe even three times. but she started parking there every day, just to piss me off. and i wasn't angry... just really upset. i mean, that was my thing. nicool wouldn't have liked it if i stole her flour and hid it before the halftime show. she'd be really upset. not because flour is important, but its the principle of the matter. it was the same way with my parking spot. and i just stopped expecting to park there, until the magic of it wore off. and it's a stupid thing to cry about, but i'm pretty close right now. now, even when the spot is open to park in, there's nothing special about it. and it upsets me.
carlotta is dying. in fact, i bet she's dead now, but i didn't go upstairs to check because i don't want to have to take care of her. i know i wasn't the best pet owner, but i loved those fish. and now i never want to have fish again.
i think i'm emotionally drained now. so... yeah.