The Hourglass
I feel myself being timed. like the fates are sitting up there with an hourglass. i can hear them now "you're wasting your time, sweetie, and you ain't got much of it to begin with!" "'ey! give me the eye, lemme see! oh geez, you gotta be kidding me! come on! what a waste of a good thing." "gimme the eye! what is she doing?!" "nothing. she's doing nothing."
since the time is so limited, can't we spend it well? maybe i'm way off track, but i truly feel like you have no intention of keeping this going for any length of time. you never wanted to be tied down. i never wanted to be the one tying you down. that was my fear of commitment in a box. I didn't want you blaming me for captivity. and now... i wish i could go back in time. i want to fix all the damage i did back then. i'd trust you with my life any day. but... truth be told, i don't trust you with me. you said you were afraid of letting me go... i don't know if i believe it. i just know that you're in high demand and the appeal of the unknown is going to pull you away pretty soon.
it's been upsetting me, primarily, because i wanted more time. it's so much to ask, i know, but i love your family. i love being with you. and when this is over that same distance is going to come between us. the same pain. the same doubt. and the summer is going fast. too fast. holding onto you is like holding sand.
maybe i'm just Dramatic. you once told me so.... am I just that little bit of stability to you? that little bit of something to call home when everything else seems like it could fall apart. if you think i'll always be here for you, you're right. i'd wait, if you asked me to... i think. then again, eventually i'll be gone. so if that's the masterplan, don't take your time for too long. okay? lol.
listen to me. talking like i'm something important. presumptuous of me. sorry.
*note to self* Get June 2nd off...