Van Hellsing's Cure-Alls
Let's face it; supernatural monsters are as strange and varied as American root vegetables, Amazonian insects, or venomous Australian... everythings. Zombies, werewolves, vampires, witches, ghouls, chupacabras, kappa, psychotic leprechauns, mutant poisonous koala bears (because there weren't enough things in Australia that could kill you already)... and every single one seems to have its own special way of being dispatched. It's like taking on a thousand Superman clones, but each one is only vulnerable to a particular shade of Kryptonite. (Ah, Superman 742! Fear the wrath of my #8f22c9 kryptonite!)
But it's possible to simultaneously simplify and diversify. This is an old tradition -- medicine men would carry bandoleers of dozens of types of herb and root, each proof against a particular sort of critter. But this is kind of unwieldy and not a little smelly... and doesn't even guarantee being able to put whatever's slavering after you down, just ward it off. So here I present to you a modern and updated catalog of tools Guaranteed Lethal Against Just About Everything. Just don't get poisoned by a platypus.
As always, when in doubt: Behead, cremate, and salt.
And good luck, monster hunters!
But it's possible to simultaneously simplify and diversify. This is an old tradition -- medicine men would carry bandoleers of dozens of types of herb and root, each proof against a particular sort of critter. But this is kind of unwieldy and not a little smelly... and doesn't even guarantee being able to put whatever's slavering after you down, just ward it off. So here I present to you a modern and updated catalog of tools Guaranteed Lethal Against Just About Everything. Just don't get poisoned by a platypus.
- Fire.
- Hollow point silver bullets with a holy water reservoir.
- Cold iron chainsaw.
- Flaming crossbow bolts.
- Blessed liquid nitrogen.
- High-power laser array, operating in the ultraviolet spectrum.
- Incendiary grenades.
- Pipe bombs with silvered shards of holy relics for flechette.
- Garlic and vitriol tear gas.
- Lava.
- Molotov cocktails.
- Napalm.
- Flamethrowers.
- Seriously, though, try fire first.
As always, when in doubt: Behead, cremate, and salt.
And good luck, monster hunters!