this delights me
House fic-in-progress. The beginning conversation is particular is mostly my notes with gaps where I'll put the dialogue, and I'm trying to ask my friend Jonquil if she wants to draw it in comic form (DREAM COME TRUE). In the meantime, a currently untitled House fic about the kind of nightmares House gets. Cuddy's dialogue was great fun. It is all quite silly and I learned a new word, sigmoidoscope! Flexible v.s. rigid.
It gets really very strange halfway through. I blame it on this sketch some friends of mine were watching called "Daughters". o.O
DIR="LTR">
House: Wilson, I need a perscription for (sleeping drugs)
Wilson: blah (writing it) You know,it's pretty cool you solve cases in your sleep.
House: Sure.
Wilson: But it's also pretty weird andhighly unplausible. It's unlike you to give explanations that are so,well, unlikely.
House: (Benzene story) What can I say,my brilliance permeates even my unconscious self.
Wilson: (nightmares) You know, I envyyou. I guess you never have any nightmares.
House: You don't say?
(FLASHBACK)
Wilson: I took Cuddy to a play lastnight.
House: (yawn)
Wilson: Then we walked hand in handthrough the moonlit streets of New Jersey long after dark, recitingour favourite poems.
House: O-kay...?
Wilson: She seems really to have likedthe flowers I bought her.
House: (spluttering) You bought herflowers?
Wilson: (mildly)Yes, I thought it would be a nice gesture.
Cuddy comes in,holding a bouquet of flowers half her size.
Cuddy: Goodmorning, Wilson.
Wilson: (blushing)Good morning.
Cuddy: I'veapproved every outlandish medical request you asked for. Please goahead and rearrange the patient's internal organs any way that yousee fit, I've just signed these forms that allow you to get aroundasking for the patient's consent. I have to say, I'm impressed withyour idea to drain the patient's lymphatic system and replace it withDiet Coke to see whether he responds to caffeine treatment. Oh, andWilson, you may remove the patient's brain because his pancreas is onfire. Excellent diagnosis, I think you caught it just at the righttime.
Wilson: Oh, Lisa.
House: Cuddy?!
Cuddy: Oh, you'rehere too. Aren't these begonias wonderful? Wilson bought them for me.
Wilson: They bringout the color of your eyes.
Cuddy: Oh, James,you think of everything.
House rushed fromthe room. The corridors of the Princeton-Plainsborough hospital werebedecked with begonias.
House: Oh my God.
(Ducklingencounter)
“Tell me,”House said slowly, “does anyone find this at all odd?”
“No,” saidCameron, looking defensive.
“No,” saidForeman, rolling his eyes.
“Naiuo,” saidChase, shrugging.
He ran back in.Wilson and Cuddy were standing side by side and - what? -exchanging meaningful looks.
Cuddy: House,there's something you ought to know. We've been meaning to tell youbut we wanted to wait for the right time...
House: I'm bracingmyself.
Wilson: Lisa and Iare sleeping together.
House: Excuse me,you're what?
Cuddy: Sleepingtogether. It started with that one night eight years ago -
House: WHAT?
Wilson: We have sixdaughters. Their names are Sarah, Leiah, Rachel, Rebekah, Ruth, andBathsheba.
Cuddy: House,please try to be happy for us. You'll meet the perfect woman for you.Maybe a vegetarian nutritionist or something.
Wilson: Or you candrown yourself in clinic duty. Cuddy will increase your hours anytimeyou like.
Cuddy: In fact,there's a case right now you should take.
Wilson: The patientof mine I mentioned earlier. He's being very difficult.
“Just who are wetalking about now?” House burst out. Dread was beginning to creepinto his stomach in a particularly creepy way.
Cuddy: You, House.The patient is you. (She brandished a XXX) Scalpel, Wilson.
Wilson: Scalpel.
Cuddy:Sigmoidoscope. (A/N: Do go Google this, it is quite a delightfulcontraption.)
Wilson:Sigmoidoscope. Rigid.
Cuddy: Strap himinto the MRI, Wilson. And play nothing but Beyonce.
House: What? No!No, no, noooooooo aaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh-
Beyonce:(apparition or otherwise) You muss nat know bou' me! You muss natknow bou' me!
House: Nnnngh,nnnnnnghhh, aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh...
Beyonce: Donchooeva for a second git to thinkin' you're irreplacable.
Wilson: Elementary,my dear House, elementary, elementary tary tary tary...
Cuddy: I'm alwayshere.
Beyonce: To duhleff! To duh leff!
House thrashedabout and woke up.
Wilson: Are youokay, House? You're in a cold sweat and your right eyebrow istwitching.
House: Cuddy'sallergic to begonias.
Wilson:Really?
House: In case you ever get any ideas.
Wilson: Would I?Well, I'll bear that in mind if I ever decide to get Cuddy flowers.
House: Don't. Juststay far, far away from her.
Wilson: O-kay.(both walking down corridor) Have you two been fighting again? What'sshe done this time,
House:
Wilson: In yourdreams, House.
The blood drainedfrom House's face, but he strode on. And brought the tip of his canedown casually on Wilson's foot.
It gets really very strange halfway through. I blame it on this sketch some friends of mine were watching called "Daughters". o.O
DIR="LTR">
House: Wilson, I need a perscription for (sleeping drugs)
Wilson: blah (writing it) You know,it's pretty cool you solve cases in your sleep.
House: Sure.
Wilson: But it's also pretty weird andhighly unplausible. It's unlike you to give explanations that are so,well, unlikely.
House: (Benzene story) What can I say,my brilliance permeates even my unconscious self.
Wilson: (nightmares) You know, I envyyou. I guess you never have any nightmares.
House: You don't say?
(FLASHBACK)
Wilson: I took Cuddy to a play lastnight.
House: (yawn)
Wilson: Then we walked hand in handthrough the moonlit streets of New Jersey long after dark, recitingour favourite poems.
House: O-kay...?
Wilson: She seems really to have likedthe flowers I bought her.
House: (spluttering) You bought herflowers?
Wilson: (mildly)Yes, I thought it would be a nice gesture.
Cuddy comes in,holding a bouquet of flowers half her size.
Cuddy: Goodmorning, Wilson.
Wilson: (blushing)Good morning.
Cuddy: I'veapproved every outlandish medical request you asked for. Please goahead and rearrange the patient's internal organs any way that yousee fit, I've just signed these forms that allow you to get aroundasking for the patient's consent. I have to say, I'm impressed withyour idea to drain the patient's lymphatic system and replace it withDiet Coke to see whether he responds to caffeine treatment. Oh, andWilson, you may remove the patient's brain because his pancreas is onfire. Excellent diagnosis, I think you caught it just at the righttime.
Wilson: Oh, Lisa.
House: Cuddy?!
Cuddy: Oh, you'rehere too. Aren't these begonias wonderful? Wilson bought them for me.
Wilson: They bringout the color of your eyes.
Cuddy: Oh, James,you think of everything.
House rushed fromthe room. The corridors of the Princeton-Plainsborough hospital werebedecked with begonias.
House: Oh my God.
(Ducklingencounter)
“Tell me,”House said slowly, “does anyone find this at all odd?”
“No,” saidCameron, looking defensive.
“No,” saidForeman, rolling his eyes.
“Naiuo,” saidChase, shrugging.
He ran back in.Wilson and Cuddy were standing side by side and - what? -exchanging meaningful looks.
Cuddy: House,there's something you ought to know. We've been meaning to tell youbut we wanted to wait for the right time...
House: I'm bracingmyself.
Wilson: Lisa and Iare sleeping together.
House: Excuse me,you're what?
Cuddy: Sleepingtogether. It started with that one night eight years ago -
House: WHAT?
Wilson: We have sixdaughters. Their names are Sarah, Leiah, Rachel, Rebekah, Ruth, andBathsheba.
Cuddy: House,please try to be happy for us. You'll meet the perfect woman for you.Maybe a vegetarian nutritionist or something.
Wilson: Or you candrown yourself in clinic duty. Cuddy will increase your hours anytimeyou like.
Cuddy: In fact,there's a case right now you should take.
Wilson: The patientof mine I mentioned earlier. He's being very difficult.
“Just who are wetalking about now?” House burst out. Dread was beginning to creepinto his stomach in a particularly creepy way.
Cuddy: You, House.The patient is you. (She brandished a XXX) Scalpel, Wilson.
Wilson: Scalpel.
Cuddy:Sigmoidoscope. (A/N: Do go Google this, it is quite a delightfulcontraption.)
Wilson:Sigmoidoscope. Rigid.
Cuddy: Strap himinto the MRI, Wilson. And play nothing but Beyonce.
House: What? No!No, no, noooooooo aaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh-
Beyonce:(apparition or otherwise) You muss nat know bou' me! You muss natknow bou' me!
House: Nnnngh,nnnnnnghhh, aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh...
Beyonce: Donchooeva for a second git to thinkin' you're irreplacable.
Wilson: Elementary,my dear House, elementary, elementary tary tary tary...
Cuddy: I'm alwayshere.
Beyonce: To duhleff! To duh leff!
House thrashedabout and woke up.
Wilson: Are youokay, House? You're in a cold sweat and your right eyebrow istwitching.
House: Cuddy'sallergic to begonias.
Wilson:Really?
House: In case you ever get any ideas.
Wilson: Would I?Well, I'll bear that in mind if I ever decide to get Cuddy flowers.
House: Don't. Juststay far, far away from her.
Wilson: O-kay.(both walking down corridor) Have you two been fighting again? What'sshe done this time,
House:
Wilson: In yourdreams, House.
The blood drainedfrom House's face, but he strode on. And brought the tip of his canedown casually on Wilson's foot.