(no subject)
dreamt nice warm dreams. it's been a while. tho i think it was rooted in a nostalgia of being around smart interesting people circa college. it was the memory of being drunk at a house party freshman year with some blonde girl from class with her arms wrapped around me and we were talking about what in our minds surely was the very height of intellectual and Very Important Philosophical discussions before making out. later, she'd help me get my cd's and for some reason, high school newspapers from a girl's dorm room and later throw it all away bc she assumed it was trash. i had a lot of cringe moments in college.
anyway, there was a phrase in my head upon waking. "the loot box is still full. i am the loot." which i took to mean some sort of "you are still valuable. don't give up" message from my subconscious. whether or not that's rooted in affection by random blonde girls in college.
having a place to park is a luxury one takes for granted. it's not quite the birds without legs from days of being wild, but when you can't depend on it there's all these moments like driving around a block for an hour and a half in brooklyn with safety trying to put her brother's car somewhere. or the whole thing with the car my mom bought to take her to the hospital. thinking i'd sell it and then scratching the fuck out of 3 sides while trying to park one day. and then my dad calling me to ask if maybe we should sell it for money and realizing everyone is short on cash and scared of the future. we have no place to park the car. we have no car.
i have to remind myself that the feeling of having no breathing room is still relative. i am still a spoiled kid who never had to work hard enough and yet still ended up sad and experienced loss. i want the world to wrap its arms around me and say there there.
anyway, there was a phrase in my head upon waking. "the loot box is still full. i am the loot." which i took to mean some sort of "you are still valuable. don't give up" message from my subconscious. whether or not that's rooted in affection by random blonde girls in college.
having a place to park is a luxury one takes for granted. it's not quite the birds without legs from days of being wild, but when you can't depend on it there's all these moments like driving around a block for an hour and a half in brooklyn with safety trying to put her brother's car somewhere. or the whole thing with the car my mom bought to take her to the hospital. thinking i'd sell it and then scratching the fuck out of 3 sides while trying to park one day. and then my dad calling me to ask if maybe we should sell it for money and realizing everyone is short on cash and scared of the future. we have no place to park the car. we have no car.
i have to remind myself that the feeling of having no breathing room is still relative. i am still a spoiled kid who never had to work hard enough and yet still ended up sad and experienced loss. i want the world to wrap its arms around me and say there there.