(no subject)
ok things have settled down from the constant grief panic of the last few weeks where i thought my mom was dying for sure.
i mean it's still i guess statistically likely, which is weird to think about, but i've reached a mental state where i can think less about it, which is pretty necessary. i dunno, at some point you have to stop looking down. where did we talk about the wile e coyote theory for life? was that here? 20 yrs ago?
she can eat albeit mostly protein drinks and a few pretzels and sometimes a yogurt smoothie or i made her chicken stock w potatoes and she complained how it gave her indigestion for 2 days. so who knows. that and the really high level american epidemic pain meds now have her settled to a reasonable quality of life that i can see going on for at least a few months if we can just stabilize her and get some weight back on so we can restart chemo. she hasn't gained any weight still, just hovering at 40 kilos.
i went over all her charts and the initial chemo blast shrunk her main tumor a 1/3! so that's not nothing right? but since then it's been slowly creeping up.
in other news, i have yet to separate myself mentally physically in time enough to think about much of anything else, let alone get lost in anything other than youtube videos. i should prob get a job at some point, or write.
i mean it's still i guess statistically likely, which is weird to think about, but i've reached a mental state where i can think less about it, which is pretty necessary. i dunno, at some point you have to stop looking down. where did we talk about the wile e coyote theory for life? was that here? 20 yrs ago?
she can eat albeit mostly protein drinks and a few pretzels and sometimes a yogurt smoothie or i made her chicken stock w potatoes and she complained how it gave her indigestion for 2 days. so who knows. that and the really high level american epidemic pain meds now have her settled to a reasonable quality of life that i can see going on for at least a few months if we can just stabilize her and get some weight back on so we can restart chemo. she hasn't gained any weight still, just hovering at 40 kilos.
i went over all her charts and the initial chemo blast shrunk her main tumor a 1/3! so that's not nothing right? but since then it's been slowly creeping up.
in other news, i have yet to separate myself mentally physically in time enough to think about much of anything else, let alone get lost in anything other than youtube videos. i should prob get a job at some point, or write.