(no subject)
Until this past night, I had not really grasped the potency of alcohol. It seems such a foreign concept to me that something that you can drink will affect you in areas other than having to pee. Specifically, it affects your brain and your perception, which is a very scary thing. A loss of control over your actions is very close to, in my view, a loss of self. It allows some subconscious force to take over, so that you are aware of what you do only after you do it. Furthermore, even your 'self' that is not in control is suffering too, as its thinking is impaired so that even the decisions you make consciously turn out to be bad ones.
That something as simple as drinking a liquid can affect you so drastically is counter-intuitive to me. And, as it turns out, that fact can also lead to trouble.
Why am I writing this, I now ask myself. Actually, I asked myself that when I was thinking in the shower about writing this and decided to include it. But that decision was not a rational one, it was based on an urge I felt to express my position. Mabye I'm writing it here because it's easier to express one's thoughts, however silly, to an audience, and it is the same reason why the expression "dear diary" arose. Or mabye it is the fault of society, since even though I disapprove completely the stupidness of people regaling their peers with stories of exactly how drunk they got, I still probably feel, in my subconscious, the widespread belief that there is a certain glamor in being drunk, and the less glamorous the story is in actuality, the more glamor it has in the telling.
Everybody who writes in these livejournals or blogs does so in order that they can have an audience. I try to keep that in mind, which is why I -normally- try to entertain with my entries. But I'm not sure why I require an audience now.
Mabye I want you to validate my crappy excuse that, due to inexperience, I didn't know how much alcohol would get me drunk and that I was gunning for moderately buzzed, not fucked in half.
Mabye I want someone to disapprove, and reinforce my belief that I did a very stupid thing, even though it is viewed as an achievement in some circles.
Mabye I just want to share the "glamorous" (or to reasonable people, disgusting,) fact that I puked in the bar, in my room, and in the cab. Or the fact that I drank the equivalent of 5-6 shots of rum in ten minutes on an empty stomach.
Mabye I just felt like waxing intellectual about something I have experieced for the first time to any significant degree, and feel like I've completely figured out.
Mabye it's because I, like most people who have had a crappy experience, want to share it with others, for pity or whatever.
i dunno, as they(I) say.
That something as simple as drinking a liquid can affect you so drastically is counter-intuitive to me. And, as it turns out, that fact can also lead to trouble.
Why am I writing this, I now ask myself. Actually, I asked myself that when I was thinking in the shower about writing this and decided to include it. But that decision was not a rational one, it was based on an urge I felt to express my position. Mabye I'm writing it here because it's easier to express one's thoughts, however silly, to an audience, and it is the same reason why the expression "dear diary" arose. Or mabye it is the fault of society, since even though I disapprove completely the stupidness of people regaling their peers with stories of exactly how drunk they got, I still probably feel, in my subconscious, the widespread belief that there is a certain glamor in being drunk, and the less glamorous the story is in actuality, the more glamor it has in the telling.
Everybody who writes in these livejournals or blogs does so in order that they can have an audience. I try to keep that in mind, which is why I -normally- try to entertain with my entries. But I'm not sure why I require an audience now.
Mabye I want you to validate my crappy excuse that, due to inexperience, I didn't know how much alcohol would get me drunk and that I was gunning for moderately buzzed, not fucked in half.
Mabye I want someone to disapprove, and reinforce my belief that I did a very stupid thing, even though it is viewed as an achievement in some circles.
Mabye I just want to share the "glamorous" (or to reasonable people, disgusting,) fact that I puked in the bar, in my room, and in the cab. Or the fact that I drank the equivalent of 5-6 shots of rum in ten minutes on an empty stomach.
Mabye I just felt like waxing intellectual about something I have experieced for the first time to any significant degree, and feel like I've completely figured out.
Mabye it's because I, like most people who have had a crappy experience, want to share it with others, for pity or whatever.
i dunno, as they(I) say.