Clase Sola
Uggg, yesterday class was como un sueno malo....I arrived a few minutes late (FYI- I have an hour and a half commute to school every day, and quite frequently the bus takes longer due to traffic) and raced up to my second year class 2A to find nobody there except the kids and one of the administrators. "Isabel no esta....tenia que ir al doctor con su ninito...." She had to take her son to the doctor...wonderful. Luckily, these kids like me a lot. Unluckily, the fact that they like me and consider me to be friendly negates the possibility of commanding any respect from them. With no lesson plan and a class that considered me to be the equivalent of a substitute teacher (re: they could do whatever the eff they want) it was CHAOS personified.
My first attempt was to play a game...Simon Says? That's one of the only fun American games that they know that can be played with a group of 24 little hellions. So in order to spice things up and help them practice their English, I invited one of the kids, Gabriel, up to give the commands.
Gabriel: "Put your haaandes oon youuur jjjead!"
*Kids proceed to go wild and put hands on head*
Gabriel: "Toooch youuur towes!"
*Kids proceed to go wild and touch their toes*
Gabriel: "Tooch Mustafa!"
*Everyone proceeds to DIVE across the classroom and put a hand on Mustafa*
Me: Very funny, Gabriel"
Gabriel: "Je je je...Toooch Cecilia!"
*Everyone races over to put a hand on Cecilia*
Me: "Ok, enough of this game."
I had them sit back down and passed out a sheet of white paper, something relatively unknown to these kids since they spend 99% of their class doing exercises out of workbooks, which doesn't allow much of an opportunity to be creative. I tried to get them to tell me what they were planning on being for Halloween, by drawing a few examples on the board: a pumpkin, witch, ghost. Then, I told them to draw THEIR costumes in as much detail as possible, considering that we still had 30 minutes of class left. Most of them got the picture, but this class has many students who come from immigrant families, who have trouble understanding Spanish, much less English. Several of them copied the pictures that I drew on the board, and the rest were just confused...obviously this wasn't working.
That's when Marta, another TA from the Philippines, rushed in ...
Marta: "Ohhh, good, you're here!"
Me: "Umm, yeah," (thinking: What the EFF do I do??)
Marta: Isabel had to take her son to the doctor, so she said to just play the game with the store and the fruits and veggies to help them with their vocabulary and money.
Then, it dawned on me..money! I had brought some American money that I was intending to show them that day and asked Marta to watch the class while I ran to the teacher's lounge to find it. I returned and jingled my bag, which was enough to momentary intrigue them...
"Que es eso? Es dinero?" (What is that? Money?)
"Dinero de verdad?" (Real money?)
"No es de verdad..." (No, it's not real money...)
"Si es dinero!!" (Yes, it's money?)
"Cuanto es?" (How much is it?)
"Podemos guardarlo?" (Can we keep it?)
I set up the fruits and veggies stand and had them all come up individually to "buy" their food with their very own American money. It wasn't until then that I realized how ridonkuous American economics can be...a penny? A nickel? Who came up with this shit? And why is the dime smaller than the nickel if it's worth more? The kids were a little confused as to how much each one was worth, but I think that they got the idea.
Moving on to the next class....Isabel was still gone, so I decided to ditch the Simon Says and stick to the money game the entire time. I prefaced the lesson by recounting how TERRIBLE the other class had acted, and how they were going to be punished by the Headmaster (a slight exaggeration), since it seems to do the trick for some reason. Remember when you were a child and your siblings acted horribly and so you tried to be extra good to win your parent's favor and be regarded as the "model child"? Well, it's the same idea.
Though this class quickly came to the realization also that I was not their "real teacher"...I was the fake teacher...so they could do whatever the hell they wanted. They also soon discovered the joys of spinning their American money in spirals on their desktops, which, when performed by 24 individuals, creates the most ungodly noise....but no matter. I opened the "store" and invited several customers to partake in my luscious fruit of the day. Unfortunately, the store is located on the teacher's desk, which is where the most monstrous little punk of a child has been banished, Fernando. I do sympathize for Fernando sometimes, because it's possible that he has some sort of ADD or ADHD or all of the above, however, he's also an asshole, which cuts my sympathy short. He causes disturbance in class all of the time, sucking any child in his immediate proximity into his little web of uncaring and mischief.
Me: "Good morning, Elloy...what would you like from the store today?"
Elloy: "Eeeem....I woould liikeee...emmm....aaaan....emmm"
Fernando: "Pues, dile lo que quieres! Tienes que decidir...venga....venga...."
Me: "Fernando, please...go ahead, Elloy"
Elloy: "Emm...."
Fernando Puedo irme a hacer un piss?"
Me: "No...sit DOWN"
Elloy: "I woooould likeeeee....aaaaan.....emm.."
Fernando: "Profe!! Profe!! Profe!!!"
Me: Aaaaaand...I'm done
So I decided to wreak a little long overdue havoc. Though the best way to deal with Fernando is to occupy him with busy work so that he leaves everyone else alone, something told me that today would be different. The first straw is when he took an orange out in the middle of class and began to peal. Quite casually, I went over and removed the orange from his hand, bringing it over to Elloy at the store....
Me: "So here, Elloy....you have $0.10. You may buy this green pepper for $0.05, this apple for $0.01 or Fernando's orange for $0.10"
Elloy "Emm...the orange!!"
For the remainder of class, every time Fernando created a disturbance, I auctioned off one of his personal possessions to the highest bidder. His planner, his sweatshirt (which they call "jumper" here, so weird..), one of the many marbles that fell out of his pocket and rolled across the room, disturbing everyone (FYI- marbles are ALL the rage at San Sebastian: El Boalo these days. ALL the cool kids have them, we're forming a collection in the teacher's lounge that have been taken away), his chair, and then his desk. On some level, I knew it was wrong to emasculate the poor kid in front of all of his classmates, but on the other hand, someone needs to shut this kid up and use some form of discipline other than copying the rules over and over again in his personal planner.
Overall, the lessons weren’t a complete success, but I found it hilarious that all day today, while voraciously hugging me (yes, hugging the teacher is not grounds for legal action in Spain) almost all of the kids asked me if the class today would be “Solo tu? Solo tu?” (Only you? Only you?), so if nothing else, at least we had some fun.
My first attempt was to play a game...Simon Says? That's one of the only fun American games that they know that can be played with a group of 24 little hellions. So in order to spice things up and help them practice their English, I invited one of the kids, Gabriel, up to give the commands.
Gabriel: "Put your haaandes oon youuur jjjead!"
*Kids proceed to go wild and put hands on head*
Gabriel: "Toooch youuur towes!"
*Kids proceed to go wild and touch their toes*
Gabriel: "Tooch Mustafa!"
*Everyone proceeds to DIVE across the classroom and put a hand on Mustafa*
Me: Very funny, Gabriel"
Gabriel: "Je je je...Toooch Cecilia!"
*Everyone races over to put a hand on Cecilia*
Me: "Ok, enough of this game."
I had them sit back down and passed out a sheet of white paper, something relatively unknown to these kids since they spend 99% of their class doing exercises out of workbooks, which doesn't allow much of an opportunity to be creative. I tried to get them to tell me what they were planning on being for Halloween, by drawing a few examples on the board: a pumpkin, witch, ghost. Then, I told them to draw THEIR costumes in as much detail as possible, considering that we still had 30 minutes of class left. Most of them got the picture, but this class has many students who come from immigrant families, who have trouble understanding Spanish, much less English. Several of them copied the pictures that I drew on the board, and the rest were just confused...obviously this wasn't working.
That's when Marta, another TA from the Philippines, rushed in ...
Marta: "Ohhh, good, you're here!"
Me: "Umm, yeah," (thinking: What the EFF do I do??)
Marta: Isabel had to take her son to the doctor, so she said to just play the game with the store and the fruits and veggies to help them with their vocabulary and money.
Then, it dawned on me..money! I had brought some American money that I was intending to show them that day and asked Marta to watch the class while I ran to the teacher's lounge to find it. I returned and jingled my bag, which was enough to momentary intrigue them...
"Que es eso? Es dinero?" (What is that? Money?)
"Dinero de verdad?" (Real money?)
"No es de verdad..." (No, it's not real money...)
"Si es dinero!!" (Yes, it's money?)
"Cuanto es?" (How much is it?)
"Podemos guardarlo?" (Can we keep it?)
I set up the fruits and veggies stand and had them all come up individually to "buy" their food with their very own American money. It wasn't until then that I realized how ridonkuous American economics can be...a penny? A nickel? Who came up with this shit? And why is the dime smaller than the nickel if it's worth more? The kids were a little confused as to how much each one was worth, but I think that they got the idea.
Moving on to the next class....Isabel was still gone, so I decided to ditch the Simon Says and stick to the money game the entire time. I prefaced the lesson by recounting how TERRIBLE the other class had acted, and how they were going to be punished by the Headmaster (a slight exaggeration), since it seems to do the trick for some reason. Remember when you were a child and your siblings acted horribly and so you tried to be extra good to win your parent's favor and be regarded as the "model child"? Well, it's the same idea.
Though this class quickly came to the realization also that I was not their "real teacher"...I was the fake teacher...so they could do whatever the hell they wanted. They also soon discovered the joys of spinning their American money in spirals on their desktops, which, when performed by 24 individuals, creates the most ungodly noise....but no matter. I opened the "store" and invited several customers to partake in my luscious fruit of the day. Unfortunately, the store is located on the teacher's desk, which is where the most monstrous little punk of a child has been banished, Fernando. I do sympathize for Fernando sometimes, because it's possible that he has some sort of ADD or ADHD or all of the above, however, he's also an asshole, which cuts my sympathy short. He causes disturbance in class all of the time, sucking any child in his immediate proximity into his little web of uncaring and mischief.
Me: "Good morning, Elloy...what would you like from the store today?"
Elloy: "Eeeem....I woould liikeee...emmm....aaaan....emmm"
Fernando: "Pues, dile lo que quieres! Tienes que decidir...venga....venga...."
Me: "Fernando, please...go ahead, Elloy"
Elloy: "Emm...."
Fernando Puedo irme a hacer un piss?"
Me: "No...sit DOWN"
Elloy: "I woooould likeeeee....aaaaan.....emm.."
Fernando: "Profe!! Profe!! Profe!!!"
Me: Aaaaaand...I'm done
So I decided to wreak a little long overdue havoc. Though the best way to deal with Fernando is to occupy him with busy work so that he leaves everyone else alone, something told me that today would be different. The first straw is when he took an orange out in the middle of class and began to peal. Quite casually, I went over and removed the orange from his hand, bringing it over to Elloy at the store....
Me: "So here, Elloy....you have $0.10. You may buy this green pepper for $0.05, this apple for $0.01 or Fernando's orange for $0.10"
Elloy "Emm...the orange!!"
For the remainder of class, every time Fernando created a disturbance, I auctioned off one of his personal possessions to the highest bidder. His planner, his sweatshirt (which they call "jumper" here, so weird..), one of the many marbles that fell out of his pocket and rolled across the room, disturbing everyone (FYI- marbles are ALL the rage at San Sebastian: El Boalo these days. ALL the cool kids have them, we're forming a collection in the teacher's lounge that have been taken away), his chair, and then his desk. On some level, I knew it was wrong to emasculate the poor kid in front of all of his classmates, but on the other hand, someone needs to shut this kid up and use some form of discipline other than copying the rules over and over again in his personal planner.
Overall, the lessons weren’t a complete success, but I found it hilarious that all day today, while voraciously hugging me (yes, hugging the teacher is not grounds for legal action in Spain) almost all of the kids asked me if the class today would be “Solo tu? Solo tu?” (Only you? Only you?), so if nothing else, at least we had some fun.