We can change the world, don't forget that. Never forget that.
It's been a while since I last posted here in LJ. A good long while. I get to check it every few months or so, and if anything I do always intend and want to post something, but I don't get past thinking of a sentence or two before I end up realizing that I can't post anything coherent. Though, tonight I'm in a particularly enlightened, or at least a sober mood, so I'll attempt to type my mind and heart out, coherence or not. Bear with me, you who's reading this.
There is always this nagging feeling nowadays, a feeling of uneasiness and disquiet. It's like there's always this little but significant voice in my head constantly asking questions--"Is this what you wanted? Are you sure of what you now want? Is this the best you can do? Are you going to stay there? What now?" Some days the voice gets so strong that even my conscious thought gets drowned out, and I revert to my most basic functions. I drag the days on, not really having much of direction, only the intent of getting through it, and moving to the next one. I've been in a bit of a sour mood these past few weeks, and while there's nothing really significant to be sour about really, I just don't feel at my best, not even half of it.
I have a lot of "broken windows" in my life. Broken windows is a concept from a criminological theory that postulates that even seemingly minor disorder and vandalism will affect norm-setting in an environment, and that maintaining a well-ordered condition will prevent escalation of the disorder (and the seriousness/scope of crimes, in the original theory). I'm borrowing that concept, and as such, I'm thinking and realizing that all those seemingly minor things that I can't keep in good order in my life-- my untidy room, unfinished laundry, dirty dishes, half-finished projects, messy goals and sloppy time management, even my unkempt hair and beard maybe...all these contribute to this sort of a negative spiral. And unless I maintain the order, I'll forever dip into such lows and periods of negativity.
Sometimes I wonder, is this normal? I mean, I do think everyone gets some lows, disappointments and frustrations... But is it always this intense for everyone? How do they cope? How do you, dear reader, cope?
(On the up-side of this sort of roller-coaster emotional ride, I do seem to be spewing out more creative and philosophical stuff. I just hope I'll be able to sustain being able to function and not being down enough to be able to churn out stuff)