(no subject)
I want to destroy myself.
I want my life to be reduced to a drunken stupor.
An inebriated haze that will numb my mind and body to the point where I don't have to worry about all of this anymore.
Because things will always be better tomorrow... and tomorrow... and tomorrow...
I don't want clear thoughts. I don't want logical reasoning. I don't want clearly defined emotions. I just want the toxic grey cloud of intoxication to blur my sight and muffle my hearing and destroy rationality and I don't want any of them to return to normal.
Because the grip of what's normal is relentless and suffocating and painful and neverending.
I want ruination and hopelessness and imbalance and to drown in the sludge of complete disassociation from everything around me.
I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to justify anymore. I don't want to keep lying. I don't want to keep putting up this front that I actually believe that things are getting better.
Because they're not. They are continuously, insistently not.
I want to numb myself and numb myself until it's impossible for me to feel anything again.
Because that's the only thing I've found that works.
I want my life to be reduced to a drunken stupor.
An inebriated haze that will numb my mind and body to the point where I don't have to worry about all of this anymore.
Because things will always be better tomorrow... and tomorrow... and tomorrow...
I don't want clear thoughts. I don't want logical reasoning. I don't want clearly defined emotions. I just want the toxic grey cloud of intoxication to blur my sight and muffle my hearing and destroy rationality and I don't want any of them to return to normal.
Because the grip of what's normal is relentless and suffocating and painful and neverending.
I want ruination and hopelessness and imbalance and to drown in the sludge of complete disassociation from everything around me.
I don't want to think anymore. I don't want to justify anymore. I don't want to keep lying. I don't want to keep putting up this front that I actually believe that things are getting better.
Because they're not. They are continuously, insistently not.
I want to numb myself and numb myself until it's impossible for me to feel anything again.
Because that's the only thing I've found that works.