(no subject)
According to every online "test" I can find, I am an alcoholic.
Which seemed rediculous to me at first, but when I think about why I drink, and what goes on in my head when I'm drinking...
I blacked out again. I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore. I told myself that I could have more control.
I was home alone, but I felt that I needed to be drunk. I felt that I couldn't handle being sober last night, my mind was going too crazy.
I don't see how Erica can even tolerate me. I can't understand why she doesn't just say "fuck you" and leave me where I am. But she doesn't.
When I read the note she left me last night- the things she said- it makes me see how lucky I am. It's hard for me to understand why she cares, but I'm glad she does. That's something that I don't need to screw up.
So why do I do what I do?
I don't remember most of what I said last night, but I think it was too much.
I just don't know what to do.
Which seemed rediculous to me at first, but when I think about why I drink, and what goes on in my head when I'm drinking...
I blacked out again. I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore. I told myself that I could have more control.
I was home alone, but I felt that I needed to be drunk. I felt that I couldn't handle being sober last night, my mind was going too crazy.
I don't see how Erica can even tolerate me. I can't understand why she doesn't just say "fuck you" and leave me where I am. But she doesn't.
When I read the note she left me last night- the things she said- it makes me see how lucky I am. It's hard for me to understand why she cares, but I'm glad she does. That's something that I don't need to screw up.
So why do I do what I do?
I don't remember most of what I said last night, but I think it was too much.
I just don't know what to do.