numb ramblings
I've been a lot of people in my life. I mean- even over the past year, I've been through so many changes that I can't even think of myself as the same person.
It seems like in the past few months so many things about me has changed. From things that I do to the way I think about a lot of things. When I think of the way I was last semester, and again the year before that, I feel like I've gone through a complete change. I know that that's rediculous, but that's the way it feels.
I think that it's a kind of reaction to a constant search for the one thing in life that I've been trying to pin down: happiness.
I can either blame myself or outside forces when I'm unhappy. And, me being the way I am, I have to blame myself. So it's my fault, for whatever reason: maybe I'm just screwed up, you know? And really, since I couldn't really change anything around me anyway, I have to make the internal change. And, if it ever works, then I can just stick to the way I am.
It's completely subconscious, of course. I guess it's some form of "finding yourself."
So, if I'm currently undergoing a change, one which I feel is for the better, then it's obviously because I'm unhappy and am trying to find out how to become happy.
So it's a positive change based on a negative circumstance.
I never had a point going into this, so I don't mind if I'm not making one.
I guess I'll just keep changing, bit by bit, until I can obtain whatever is necessary for me to be happy.
Not saying it's a good thing, but it's just the way it is.
It seems like in the past few months so many things about me has changed. From things that I do to the way I think about a lot of things. When I think of the way I was last semester, and again the year before that, I feel like I've gone through a complete change. I know that that's rediculous, but that's the way it feels.
I think that it's a kind of reaction to a constant search for the one thing in life that I've been trying to pin down: happiness.
I can either blame myself or outside forces when I'm unhappy. And, me being the way I am, I have to blame myself. So it's my fault, for whatever reason: maybe I'm just screwed up, you know? And really, since I couldn't really change anything around me anyway, I have to make the internal change. And, if it ever works, then I can just stick to the way I am.
It's completely subconscious, of course. I guess it's some form of "finding yourself."
So, if I'm currently undergoing a change, one which I feel is for the better, then it's obviously because I'm unhappy and am trying to find out how to become happy.
So it's a positive change based on a negative circumstance.
I never had a point going into this, so I don't mind if I'm not making one.
I guess I'll just keep changing, bit by bit, until I can obtain whatever is necessary for me to be happy.
Not saying it's a good thing, but it's just the way it is.