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[bleedlikepoetry]

It took some talking to get Dru to let the idea of Dawn go for the time being. But even after I'd worked it out of her head, it was a different business all together working it out of mine. For some reason, I couldn't think about anything else. Wild images played across my brain, forbidden desires came to play, triggered by Dru's encouragement

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[lockless_key]

After spending all day around Giles and Angel and the rest, I finally wish everyone good night and climb upstairs. Of course, Angel was asleep already and would probably be waking up soon, so I decide to get some alone time on the town before he gets up. Because I doubt he's going to be staying in the basement another day, will probably go and get himself a hotel room like he said earlier.

Alone in my room isn't like alone in the streets. There's a difference between four walls and a window and the open night air. I guess that's why Buffy patrolled so much. I mean, aside from the vampire thing, but you know. It's nice.

I change out of my jeans and sweatshirt and put on other clothes - dark, tight jeans and a low-cut white top under a black leather jacket, one of Buffy's old ones. No, I didn't steal it out of her closet. That would be wrong, now. I twirl in front of the mirror. I like to pretend that I'm a different Dawn at night, or maybe not Dawn at all.

I push the window open and slip out, climbing down the roof, drop down to the porch railing and escape quickly to the street. I wander vaguely in the direction of the Bronze, but with no real destination. Just walking.

[bleedlikepoetry]

I follow the scent for a little and pick up another one, just as recognizeable, but very faint in comparison. Buffy. Damn her for making me feel this way, damn them both. Those Summers' women have done it to me, skewed me so I don't even know which way's up.

I draw closer and I see her and I growl travels up my throat. Dru is right about one thing, little Dawny isn't a child anymore. That's for damn sure.

I come up next to her without any kindof warning, hoping for the chance to see her jump a little.

[lockless_key]

One thing's for sure, I'm never going to stop twitching at shadows. I jump aside and almost go for the stake in my pocket when I recognize the blonde hair and trademark trenchcoat.

"Oh. It's you." I hope I sound careless although I don't know why I'm trying to hurt him. It's not like he even cares. The display in his crypt last night showed me that.

"If you don't mind. I was actually going somewhere." When careless fails, try for angry. Actually, might as well do angry because there isn't really any need to try. I shove my hands deeper into my pockets and stare at Spike.

[bleedlikepoetry]

She jumps a little and it gets me off on the right foot, givin the girl a little look over. I do wonder what she was thinking when she got dressed up in that outfit.

"Oh. It's you."

She wants to cop an attitude, eh? Well now, I can deal with that. Ain't plannin on giving little miss an inch tonight. I smirk a little. "It is me."

She lashes out at me, and who could blame her, I'm acting like a first class bastard. I step out infront of her, cutting into her path.I let my tone come out playful with just a hint of mockery. "Oh is that so? And where were you going?"

[lockless_key]

I hate him. What else is there to say? I hate him I hate him I hate him. Stupid... jerk.

"Away," I snap, feeling my eyes narrow just a little. I know I'm not exactly the most intimidating thing he's ever seen but whatever. I'm just trying to hurt him. If he, you know, cares at all.

Although, yeah, so likely.

"The Bronze, maybe, but I do't see how it's any of your business." Of course, it's his business because the last time I went to the Bronze, he had to carry me home after defending me from another vampire. And, oh yeah, I was drunk. But I didn't ask him to be there!

"Besides, shouldn't you, like, be home with your girlfriend or whatever?" I'm probably crossing a line here, but who cares?

[bleedlikepoetry]

Something about the nerve she has to say things like that to me. She seems to be completely unaffected by the attitude, even narrows her eyes at me a little.

"Now I don't think that's such a good idea, since I won't be out and about to perform another rescue."

yeah, I'm pushing it, and she pushes right back.

"Besides, shouldn't you, like, be home with your girlfriend or whatever?"

"Now when the hell did my saving your ass last night manage to get your panties in a bunch?" She's mad over nothing.

[lockless_key]

"Saving my ass?" I can't help it. I explode.

"First off, you did not save my ass! Secondly, there would have been no-ass saving needed if you hadn't had psycho vampire girl in your crypt in the first place!" I'm swearing and yelling and sort of waving my hands around. I don't think I've ever wanted to hit anyone quite as badly.

Except for that time when Willow got us in a car crash and I broke my arm. Except I really did hit her then.

And he's so smug, talking about rescues and the like. Who needs him? Stupidly, inside, I know that I do because for the longest time he was the only one I could really talk to. Which was stupid, too, because once a vampire, always a vampire, right?

"Although I guess it really isn't any of my business who you have in your crypt, then, is it?" I take a step back and cross my arms over my chest. My mind goes back to last year, that stupid crush, and later... Buffy.

[bleedlikepoetry]

now it's my turn to get irritated. "I didn't save your ass? I'd like to see how far you'd get with Dru all on your own, you were in trouble up to your throat, if you catch my meaning."

I could just grab her by the shoulders and shake her. Does she have any idea how much it took for me to get her out of there? How much hell I could have caught for interrupting Dru's little tea party? I bend over backward and it's just not enough. What in hell did she want me to do?

"Although I guess it really isn't any of my business who you have in your crypt, then, is it?"

I pause for a moment and frown, then try to take this a different route. "look- it's not like I knew either of you girls were going to just show up, she came round, then you came round, and you just tell me what in hell I was supposed to do about that."

[lockless_key]

"Nothing. Okay? Nothing." I throw up my hands. I don't really know what to say now because everything that I'm thinking would sound stupid, like you shouldn't have left her alone there because I could've come by and gotten hurt and you should've been psychic.

The real problem here is me. For trusting a vampire. For depending on him to always protect me. He's still dead, still one of them, Drusilla back at the crypt, wearing his shirt, showed me that.

It just hurt because I thought he was on our side and it turns out he's still Drusilla's after all. Evil. Also, I know this is so totally ridiculous, but I'm... jealous.

It's a little chilly, so I hug myself tighter and shake my hair over my shoulders. "So if I'm not on the menu or the entertainment list tonight, I was actually on my way to having some fun." I don't bother him about how he entertains himself... I definitely don't even wanna know. What gives him the right to bother me?

[bleedlikepoetry]

The self righteous little-

How could she go about saying something like that? Like I'd never spent all that time looking after the girl, as if I'd never saved her neck...I step in a little closer, narrowing my eyes.

"Now you see here, missy. You'd do well to be careful just who you're talking to in that tone."

[lockless_key]

Gee, don't come off all paternal on me now, Spike. What are you gonna do, spank me? Seriously.

On the other hand, I don't think I've ever heard the word 'missy' come out of his mouth. It's almost worth it. I try not to giggle and end up smirking at him, which is the best cover-up I can manage.

Last night I was scared and mad and then I was just mad and now I'm mostly tired. I change the subject because what am I supposed to reply to a reprimand, coming from Spike, anyway?

"So what side are you on, anyway?"

[bleedlikepoetry]

Instead of taking me one bit seriously, she smirks like there's anything funny about all this.

She jumps subjects and asks the hardest question I'm bound to hear tonight.

"So what side are you on, anyway?"

Damned if I know. I barely know who I am anymore.

"there are sides now? why don't you tell me just who exactly is against who?"

[lockless_key]

"Well, let's see." I hold one hand out in front of me with one finger in the air. "There's me and Giles and Willow and Tara and them. Faith, too, I guess." I glance at him when I say her name. "Then there's the nerds, but I don't think you're on their side. There's Tucker, no one really knows anything about him, but seeing how he tossed you into a wall yesterday, I don't think you're on his side either."

"And then there's, well, Drusilla." I fix him with the hardest stare I've got. It hurts me, but I've just got to know. She's evil, like, totally psychotically evil. If he's with her now, then he's obviously evil too. And lost to me.

I would just like to know before I get bit. Or worse.

[bleedlikepoetry]

They're not going to let me walk this line now, are they? As usual, women on either side, playing tug of war with 'ol Spike. Fact is, condition I'm in, I need them both. But I can't have that, no sir, maybe Dru would let that happen but not little miss Summers.

What side am I on? I'm on my side, damnit. But I tell her what she wants to hear anyhow. I'm good at this, the earnest look, the slight pout...

"I'm on your side, pet."

She's growing up and I don't like it one bit. Starting to act just like her big sis, always wanting the moral high ground. I find myself missing the little girl who sat in my crypt with me listening to stories I'd tell. That little girl knew just what I was and gave me her trust anyway.

[lockless_key]

I want to trust him. I really do. I miss being able to trust him. But everyone I've ever trusted left. Or died. And after finding Drusilla half-naked in his crypt, I don't know where he stands anymore. Is he back to his old ways?

Or is he still my Spike?

"Yeah. Okay. I guess we'll see." I'm sure there will be plenty of times for him to show his true colors or whatever. I mean, the only reason he was ever good was because of Buffy. Because he loved her, and since she's gone, what's keeping him here now?

I don't like this. I don't like not being able to trust him. I don't like being angry at him. I mean, I looked up to him, I... had... a crush on him. I don't want to be enemies. I really want to trust him.

"If you say so." I smile, just a little, to show that I'm through with being mad. The Summers temper or something like that. "NOW can we go have some fun?"

[bleedlikepoetry]

And just like that, the hurricane passes, and we're alright again. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, women are bleedin' crazy. I've had more than a hundred years and I still don't get it.

whatever. It worked just fine so I'll take it. Not looking a gift horse in the mouth and all that.

I smile back at her and look over the outfit just one more time before answering. She does look awfully good.

"well now 'lil bit, what did you have in mind?"