B's here. In this house. Under the same roof. Layin' there lifeless. Hooked up to machines. Survivin' not the way we're meant to. But by science. Not magic and not the instinct to live, but by medical breakthroughs. By doctors regulating her diet. Her meds. By technology. Machines monitoring her heart rate. Her brain waves, if she had any at all.
Like me she lays. Does she dream in color? In black and white? Can she hear us? Wha's it like for her? I remember mine. Every dream I had was of, and because of, her. Would she dream of me?
No. Why should she?
She had fam. I didn't. She'd been the closest thing to tha' and I had ruin it. Maybe I partially had responsibility in this? I did. I know I did.
Not maybe. I did!
Pressing my lips together, I bit on my tongue. Feeling this overwhelming sensation to curl up in a ball and wail. B was the tough one. The heroine. I was her shadow and she was the light. I was the bad and she the good. She wasn't supposed to be like tha'! And I needed to tell her.
"Cheah, I'll go see her. But, can I sorta talk to her...alone f'a bit?" I had things I needed to say. Maybe somehow, I'd be absolved.
"Yeah. Okay." I don't know what's going on inside of Faith but I know she's thinking. I can almost hear the wheels in her brain turning.
... well, not really, I can't. I never got it why people said that. But I kind of get it now. Like her brain's in overdrive. Like I just totally shocked her. Which I guess I did. Just because I've had time to get over my shock doesn't mean that she wouldn't freak out. I mean... Faith and Buffy... had a weird relationship.
"I'll go get dressed. And you can talk to her. Um. If you want." I turn around and walk towards the stairs. The thought of leaving Spike and Xander in the kitchen alone crosses my mind for a moment - not good - but I don't really care. Let them be stupid. As long as they don't break anything it's fine. Whatever.
"Thanks, Squirt." I whispered and followed her to the stairs. Pausing with my hand on the banister. This was it. I mean...I know she'd come to see me the first time I was in the hospital, and somethin' told me tha' she came there after. Small and short lived visits, though they might've been; she came. Never to check up on me. I know. I think deep down, she was worried f'me. Like I am f'her.
Things were different now and I wish to god tha' she was the one tha' got to see how I changed f'the better. Because of her. Tha' I was a foolish teenager with these hopes of power. I was a Slayer, and I lived in B's shadow. Tha' I was tired of living in the darkness of someone else. So, if I had to live in the darkness, I'd make it my own. Not in someone elses.
"Right, talk t'her. I know how tha' goes." I swallowed hard and came up the steps behind Dawnie. My eyes clouding over. But, I blinked the tears back and took in a deep breath. "She in her room or ya mom's old?" I tried to keep from stammerin'. 'Cos tha's not very hardass and I think someone really needed to be. If not jus' f'Dawn, but f'them all.
"In her room." I pause at the door to Buffy's room. Not really her room anymore, but still hers. Does that make any sense? First it was the Buffybot in there with all of the wires, then it was the real thing. But I didn't ever want to sleep next to the real Buffy. Because this time she left us for a different reason.
We keep the door closed, but not locked. I push on the door and it swings open. It's kind of dim in there, not dark, but not really bright. We don't want it to look all depressing and stuff.
I take a step back and look at Faith. Surprisingly, I can sympathize with her. She's feeling what we all felt. And it makes me feel better that she can feel that about Buffy. I feel better about Faith.
"She's in there," I say simply, then turn around and dash into the bathroom.
B's here. In this house. Under the same roof. Layin' there lifeless. Hooked up to machines. Survivin' not the way we're meant to. But by science. Not magic and not the instinct to live, but by medical breakthroughs. By doctors regulating her diet. Her meds. By technology. Machines monitoring her heart rate. Her brain waves, if she had any at all.
Like me she lays. Does she dream in color? In black and white? Can she hear us? Wha's it like for her? I remember mine. Every dream I had was of, and because of, her. Would she dream of me?
No. Why should she?
She had fam. I didn't. She'd been the closest thing to tha' and I had ruin it. Maybe I partially had responsibility in this? I did. I know I did.
Not maybe. I did!
Pressing my lips together, I bit on my tongue. Feeling this overwhelming sensation to curl up in a ball and wail. B was the tough one. The heroine. I was her shadow and she was the light. I was the bad and she the good. She wasn't supposed to be like tha'! And I needed to tell her.
"Cheah, I'll go see her. But, can I sorta talk to her...alone f'a bit?" I had things I needed to say. Maybe somehow, I'd be absolved.
Reply
... well, not really, I can't. I never got it why people said that. But I kind of get it now. Like her brain's in overdrive. Like I just totally shocked her. Which I guess I did. Just because I've had time to get over my shock doesn't mean that she wouldn't freak out. I mean... Faith and Buffy... had a weird relationship.
"I'll go get dressed. And you can talk to her. Um. If you want." I turn around and walk towards the stairs. The thought of leaving Spike and Xander in the kitchen alone crosses my mind for a moment - not good - but I don't really care. Let them be stupid. As long as they don't break anything it's fine. Whatever.
Reply
Things were different now and I wish to god tha' she was the one tha' got to see how I changed f'the better. Because of her. Tha' I was a foolish teenager with these hopes of power. I was a Slayer, and I lived in B's shadow. Tha' I was tired of living in the darkness of someone else. So, if I had to live in the darkness, I'd make it my own. Not in someone elses.
"Right, talk t'her. I know how tha' goes." I swallowed hard and came up the steps behind Dawnie. My eyes clouding over. But, I blinked the tears back and took in a deep breath. "She in her room or ya mom's old?" I tried to keep from stammerin'. 'Cos tha's not very hardass and I think someone really needed to be. If not jus' f'Dawn, but f'them all.
Reply
We keep the door closed, but not locked. I push on the door and it swings open. It's kind of dim in there, not dark, but not really bright. We don't want it to look all depressing and stuff.
I take a step back and look at Faith. Surprisingly, I can sympathize with her. She's feeling what we all felt. And it makes me feel better that she can feel that about Buffy. I feel better about Faith.
"She's in there," I say simply, then turn around and dash into the bathroom.
(Faith, if you want to make a new post... :D)
Reply
Leave a comment