Willow . . . on the way home

[cyberwicca]

Angry and sobbing, I head back to the house. How is that I can hate and love seeing Tara at the same time? I saved her life! Can't she understand that I just want things to be the way they were

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[harrishere]

I needed some fresh air. Now don't get me wrong, I like being around Dawn. It's just sometimes she's so much like Buffy that it hurts to be right there. Makes me think about everything that has happened. Not good thoughts. I prefer to not think about my best friend doing a helter skelter brain freeze.

Walking down the sidewalk I heard a girl sniffling and was about to do the good guy walk some kid home and protect thing when i saw who it was. Willow.

Seeing her looking broken tore at me. She's always been my best friend and I haven't been there much for her lately.

"Care to have some company? Promise I won't steal your Barbie."

I sat beside her and gave a half smile.

"Whatever it is Will, here to help. So help?"

[cyberwicca]

He makes the crack about Barbies and I almost smile. Almost. I feel like everything is falling apart, spinning out of control beyond my reach. I still don't understand how she can be angry with me for defending her, even with magic.

"Tara," I whisper. "A vampire attacked her."

[harrishere]

Damnit. We didn't need this at all.

"Is she okay? Okay, stupid question. Of Course she's not. if she was you and her would be.......umm Will why aren't you with her?"

[cyberwicca]

"She left. I think. Or maybe she told me to leave," I said. My mind is going around in circles and it is hard to think straight. "I used magic to defend her. She got angry with me."

[harrishere]

"Will. I mean, I understand but she ..... it's going to take time."

That was something I knew about way to well.

"So want to get some ice cream and watch a movie?"

[cyberwicca]

I smile. Xander and I have become quite close since Buffy left us. It's like before she came, only with the ghouls and ghosties that roam around our town.

"Can we make it triple fudge?"

[harrishere]

"Sure."

Standing up I offered my hand. Time to walk to the store, just like old times. I patted my pocket. yep a stake was easy to be produced.

"So, you saved the day and she was still pissed? Sorry Will. I guess you and her just have to work on seeing eye to eye with the magic."

[cyberwicca]

"I don't understand what she wants from me. I have this amazing gift and she wants me to completely ignore it?"

My hand feels small in Xander's. It's a comfortable feeling. This man has known me since I was in diapers, has loved me my whole life. I take a moment to give thanks to the Goddess for his support.

[harrishere]

I was in a tough place here. Truth was I understood where Tara was coming from. Will had a tendency to go all out no matter what it was. And that included magic. So on one hand i got Tara's side, now the other, the practical my friend just saved her girlfriend from a vamp by being witchiepoo. Go Glinda! Now gotta decide if I play devil's advocate or yes man to Will. Which isn't helping her a bit.

"Willow, now don't get me wrong. I know tonight was right. You had to do what you had to do........"

I ran my other hand through my hair and stared at the stars. This was way to hard.

"But see I get Tara. I mean you can umm, well over achievers R Will. You know?"

Kissing her forehead I shrugged.

"Maybe I should shut up now cause I don't wanna go around looking like a bug or a frog and you can stop me whenever you want now."

[cyberwicca]

Truth me told, it hurts that Xander would think I'd actually turn him into something as mundane as a bug or a frog than the realization that he feared my magic. I don't understand the big deal. Magic is good. Tara would be vamp food if I hadn't have used a spell, so how can that force, something so primal within me, be dangerous?

"Xander . . ." I never finish my sentence because I don't know what to say. He knows me too well. I am an overachiever. Honor student. Computer geek. I resent it, ya know? There are so many . . . I've gotten them out of alot of situations because of my overachievy-ness.

[harrishere]

Damn. Nothing like hearing Willow's voice like that. Her stopping mid-stream with just my name. All I could think was way to go Harris.

"So triple chocolate, huh?"

I have a feeling tonight we're going to need a ton of ice cream. For both of us.

"Does it ever hurt you when Dawn is being all Buffylike? Like your heart is breaking even though you're like completely proud of her? I mean she's little sister material and all and I want her to do great but there's this part of me."

Again, I study the stars.

"I just want Buffy to shake out of it. Come back to us. Will, everything's changing so fast."

For all of us. And I know it's not gonna get any better. Cause we just know too much. Can't exactly go back to not knowing.

"And she'll come around. Hell she loves you."

[cyberwicca]

"It's hard being around Dawn, because she's . . . she is Buffy in so many ways." I know what he means about being so proud of her and so sad that she's not Buffy at the same time. Every day it is a struggle not to call Dawn by her sister's name. I think it's a harder struggle than losing Tara.

"Buffy left us," I spat, suddenly angry. "For all of her 'I'm the Slayer' crap, she was a big coward."

"She loves you." Hearing him voice what I hope and pray for breaks my heart. I have nightmares in which Tara tells me she hates me.

[harrishere]

Uh oh. Reality time. A mad Willow is not a good thing. Face it, I am the one who's seen Willow pissed from way back. There is a reason I only stole her Barbie once. My shins had little Willow inprints for at least a month.

"Well I guess it's kinda hard if you keep dying to save the world. And umm not getting any rest."

Yeah, Xander open up mouth, insert foot, gag as it chokes you.

"Not that we knew and hey just as guilty as you are there."

And a guilt that just won't die. But face it, part of why she's locked up is cause of what we did to her. We fucked up. Big time.

I was in Heaven.....

That song will haunt me to the day I die. Every second night it plays on rewound as I fight to get some sleep.
My arm went around her shoulder, holding her tight.

"We'll survive this Willow. Don't have another choice do we?"