After hanging up the phone on Tara, I'd spent another few minutes alone on my bed, feeling sorry for myself - and feeling angry at myself for... um, feeling sorry for myself. Behold the spaz
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The air's dead, not a decent breeze to save m'life. Just a sort of general cold that makes me happy to have the light jacket to hunch into. O'course, thats not the primary reason for the jacket. Walkin' round with a long knife strapped to yer back tends to make people edgy.
Can't imagine why.
Snorting slightly I turn into the Summers' house, hand already runnin' through my hair in an' old nervous habit. I don' know why 'm here, wasn't like B and I were best friends when I left but... but I wanna see her 'fore I head out on her old routes, hit the cemetary the was her's to patrol, save the people she is supposed to be protecting. Not me. I should be in jail or... or somewhere that isn't Sunnyhell
( ... )
O-o-okay, so maybe I wasn't much big with the whole 'paying Attention,' 'eyes peely' thing when I was trooping out of the house with the Slayer's bag of tricks over one shoulder and my mind... well, i-is it called daydreaming if you do it in the evening?
I tucked some locks of my hair behind my left ear and nervously shifted from one foot to the other - my little Oh! Hi! I'm up to something I probably shouldn't be and I don't want you to know! -dance.
...At least I wasn't wringing my hands?
"Uhh... decked out? Oh! The bag! The cross, the... yeah." I wasn't really sure what to say. When I'd gone marching out of the Summers' house, throwing caution to the wind, I'd considered looking for Faith, but ... now she was here, I - I wasn't really sure what to say to her.
"...I was..." I shrugged my shoulders and screwed my face up, blushing a little. "...looking for you, actually. You and Giles. And maybe Angel?"
Well, that was... bracing. Though not entirely unexpected, I suppose. Anya has always been something of a wild card in our little 'Scooby Gang' as they all call it, but I had thought that she was solidly on our side of the fight these days
( ... )
"Uh, no! Yes! ... well, maybe. Uhh... Hi, Giles, I was..." I winced and looked down at the grass beneath my feet. "...just about to go and ... look for you."
Folding my arms across my chest, I shifted nervously from one foot to the other and pulled the shoulder bag full of weapons up in front of me, shaking it once. "I figured someone should... y'know, step in? For Buffy?"
Oh - I'm not fooling anyone. Letting my head sag forward, I sighed, and stared at the grass. "I need... help, Giles. Faith. I need... control - of myself. Of the magics. I need be able to help."
"Step in? For Buffy?" I'm relieved to hear that my voice sounds upbeat and a bit more normal. Perhaps a bit overly so, but it's better than sounding depressed all the time
( ... )
...And either way, this is really not my deal. Adjusting the jacket and flipping my hair to cover the hilt of the blade I turn away from the two of 'em. I don' need t'be here now. Giles'll handle Red and maybe bring B back... maybe, but I'm sure as hell not gonna hold m'breath on that one. Either way, though, 'm still me and don' have a part in their little group. But I've gotta job to do, an' its one I'm damn good at.
So I'm gonna go put a few more of the undead back in their graves an' let the witch and the watcher work out whatever it is they think they can do.
Who knows, maybe tonight I'll actually get a real fight.
It's not often that Giles loses his cool like that. I-in fact I can't remember more than a handful of occassions. I remember the time he tried to convince us that Jenny Calender was trying to contact him from the beyond, and -and he wasn't too happy with me when I tried to - when I brought Buffy back from the dead.
Laying my hand softly on Giles' arms, I winced, and tried to ... find a way to phrase what I was about to say. "Giles... we all want to have Buffy back, but the thing is ... she chose this. She ... chose to go back to that dream world. I don't think it's our place to wake her up this time. If Buffy ..." I winced and glanced away, "...prefers being in a mental hospital to being with us, then we can't change that."
Giles... we all want to have Buffy back, but the thing is ... she chose this. She ... chose to go back to that dream world. I don't think it's our place to wake her up this time. If Buffy ...prefers being in a mental hospital to being with us, then we can't change that."Well, she chose to sacrifice herself to close Glory's portal, too, didn't she? And besides, she didn't really choose it, did she? She was infected my a mind-altering toxin from a demon. She was unable to really make a decision while she was in her right mind. She had accepted her duty, she understood what she was here for, if she was given a choice, while she had all of her mental faculties, she wouldn't have chosen this. She was dedicated to her work. She wouldn't have knowingly abandoned us
( ... )
"Well, that's fine. I can begin on my own anyway. I'm sure that somewhere there is something that can help me here."
I didn't expect everyone to understand, but I thought that they would at least be willing to help. Now that I've regained my focus, however, I'm finding my old ability to be the pillar, to support the others, coming back as well.
"You go ahead and do whatever you need. If you decide later that you are able to help, I'll be downstairs."
I allow her to leave and then follow her downstairs, going directly to my suitcase in the living room and selecting a few volumes to begin with. I settle myself on the couch, and crack open a dustin volume.
A weight has been lifted. My confidence in my books has always guided me.
Can't imagine why.
Snorting slightly I turn into the Summers' house, hand already runnin' through my hair in an' old nervous habit. I don' know why 'm here, wasn't like B and I were best friends when I left but... but I wanna see her 'fore I head out on her old routes, hit the cemetary the was her's to patrol, save the people she is supposed to be protecting. Not me. I should be in jail or... or somewhere that isn't Sunnyhell ( ... )
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O-o-okay, so maybe I wasn't much big with the whole 'paying Attention,' 'eyes peely' thing when I was trooping out of the house with the Slayer's bag of tricks over one shoulder and my mind... well, i-is it called daydreaming if you do it in the evening?
I tucked some locks of my hair behind my left ear and nervously shifted from one foot to the other - my little Oh! Hi! I'm up to something I probably shouldn't be and I don't want you to know! -dance.
...At least I wasn't wringing my hands?
"Uhh... decked out? Oh! The bag! The cross, the... yeah." I wasn't really sure what to say. When I'd gone marching out of the Summers' house, throwing caution to the wind, I'd considered looking for Faith, but ... now she was here, I - I wasn't really sure what to say to her.
"...I was..." I shrugged my shoulders and screwed my face up, blushing a little. "...looking for you, actually. You and Giles. And maybe Angel?"
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Folding my arms across my chest, I shifted nervously from one foot to the other and pulled the shoulder bag full of weapons up in front of me, shaking it once. "I figured someone should... y'know, step in? For Buffy?"
Oh - I'm not fooling anyone. Letting my head sag forward, I sighed, and stared at the grass. "I need... help, Giles. Faith. I need... control - of myself. Of the magics. I need be able to help."
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So I'm gonna go put a few more of the undead back in their graves an' let the witch and the watcher work out whatever it is they think they can do.
Who knows, maybe tonight I'll actually get a real fight.
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
It's not often that Giles loses his cool like that. I-in fact I can't remember more than a handful of occassions. I remember the time he tried to convince us that Jenny Calender was trying to contact him from the beyond, and -and he wasn't too happy with me when I tried to - when I brought Buffy back from the dead.
Laying my hand softly on Giles' arms, I winced, and tried to ... find a way to phrase what I was about to say. "Giles... we all want to have Buffy back, but the thing is ... she chose this. She ... chose to go back to that dream world. I don't think it's our place to wake her up this time. If Buffy ..." I winced and glanced away, "...prefers being in a mental hospital to being with us, then we can't change that."
Reply
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
"Well, that's fine. I can begin on my own anyway. I'm sure that somewhere there is something that can help me here."
I didn't expect everyone to understand, but I thought that they would at least be willing to help. Now that I've regained my focus, however, I'm finding my old ability to be the pillar, to support the others, coming back as well.
"You go ahead and do whatever you need. If you decide later that you are able to help, I'll be downstairs."
I allow her to leave and then follow her downstairs, going directly to my suitcase in the living room and selecting a few volumes to begin with. I settle myself on the couch, and crack open a dustin volume.
A weight has been lifted. My confidence in my books has always guided me.
Reply
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