I think I just shocked even myself.
I feel guilty. I feel really, really guilty. And I shouldn't, should I? I mean, okay. So I did just, in essence, kick the entire Scooby Gang out of the shop. Not only out of the shop, but out of my life. Entirely. That loud slam that followed Dawn outside was not just the door closing on the Magic Box, but also on a chapter of my life. The part that I spent with Buffy and Willow and Tara and Xander and Dawn and Giles. And that new girl, Fred. We could have been friends. Tough times, she comes to Sunnydale looking for help, and I toss her out on the street.
And Giles! Giles, he was nice enough to give me a chance in the first place, left the Magic Box to me. Then he comes home to find the entire world upside down. Buffy's gone. For good. No, she's not dead, but she might as well be. She's not doing anyone any good in that coma! Just lying there. Prolonging the inevitable.
The inevitable being that this town is going to hell. Sunnydale is the hellmouth for a reason. Sooner or later, it will end up there. And I need to concentrate on what Hallie said. There is no "winning side". Not in this war. It's a fight for survival, and that's what I need to remember. I need to do what I must to survive.
Obviously, things needed to change in my life. The Scoobies, they walked all over me. Treated me like a second-class citizen, merely because I had hundreds of years of evil experience behind me! I'd reformed!
But Xander forced my hand. And things went from bad to worse. Right?
That's what I have to keep telling myself. I have to.
Maybe I shouldn't have been so hasty. But that's what they expect of Anya, correct? "Anya is nothing but a rude, hasty individual, who thinks of no one but herself and loves sex and money, not necessarily in that order." That's how they'll always think of me. But not anymore. No longer.
The shop's cleared out now. No one left but Hallie and I. Though I suspect Tucker might be lingering somewhere. No matter. I'm off...somewhere. Tonight I need...tonight I need to get back to Anyanka. No more small time vengeance. Time for the big stuff. Like it used to be. Time to change the world, change the entire dimension.
And maybe somewhere along the line, this pain will cease. Maybe this hole inside me will heal.
And Giles! Giles, he was nice enough to give me a chance in the first place, left the Magic Box to me. Then he comes home to find the entire world upside down. Buffy's gone. For good. No, she's not dead, but she might as well be. She's not doing anyone any good in that coma! Just lying there. Prolonging the inevitable.
The inevitable being that this town is going to hell. Sunnydale is the hellmouth for a reason. Sooner or later, it will end up there. And I need to concentrate on what Hallie said. There is no "winning side". Not in this war. It's a fight for survival, and that's what I need to remember. I need to do what I must to survive.
Obviously, things needed to change in my life. The Scoobies, they walked all over me. Treated me like a second-class citizen, merely because I had hundreds of years of evil experience behind me! I'd reformed!
But Xander forced my hand. And things went from bad to worse. Right?
That's what I have to keep telling myself. I have to.
Maybe I shouldn't have been so hasty. But that's what they expect of Anya, correct? "Anya is nothing but a rude, hasty individual, who thinks of no one but herself and loves sex and money, not necessarily in that order." That's how they'll always think of me. But not anymore. No longer.
The shop's cleared out now. No one left but Hallie and I. Though I suspect Tucker might be lingering somewhere. No matter. I'm off...somewhere. Tonight I need...tonight I need to get back to Anyanka. No more small time vengeance. Time for the big stuff. Like it used to be. Time to change the world, change the entire dimension.
And maybe somewhere along the line, this pain will cease. Maybe this hole inside me will heal.